(Closed) Policy: How should we handle comments that might offend a group of people?

posted 8 years ago in Weddingbee
  • poll: Help us take the temperature of the thread we're discussing!
    I found the original post to be offensive. : (29 votes)
    9 %
    I wasn't offended, but I could see how others could be offended. : (82 votes)
    24 %
    I don't have a strong opinion either way. : (34 votes)
    10 %
    This is all too PC for me. : (179 votes)
    53 %
    Other (I'll explain below) : (11 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    I found it offensive/ill advised but I don’t want the administrators to do anything about it.  I thought the response was perfect – people pointed out why it might not be a good saying to share, other people disagreed, other people who disagreed with the disagreers, etc.  I think anything short of personal attacks is just fine.

    Post # 4
    2476 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Honestly, I didn’t even read the post because it was in the “full-figured” section.  I figured whatever the OP’s grandfather had to say had nothing to do with someone like me (naturally thin)– and I was right!  Tongue out

    Post # 5
    1897 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I agree with Archana (even though I did not find the OP to be offensive).  The response seemed fine to me.  Too much censorship is never a good thing…not to mention, it’s expected that things like this arise from time to time.

    Post # 7
    652 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    typo in the poll in the second choice, I think you meant to say wasn’t instead of was

    Post # 8
    171 posts
    Blushing bee

    Is putting on your big girl pants an option?

    As you said, the message board has gone beyond wedding details. So if people choose to venture outside of the “what do you think of this dress?” type questions and the “what do you think of me?” questions, you run the risk of having your feelings hurt.

    And the thread was in the full figured subforum! So obviously it’s going to be filled with full figured girl love!

    Post # 10
    3162 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m not for any form of censorship unless it is a direct personal attack on another user. You can’t police opinions. If a skinny person feels bashed by a general comment made, then they can post their opposition to it in the thread and say why they were offended (and vice-versa if a full-figured bride feels bashed). That is the way to maybe make the OP or a poster see their comment from a different perspective. Having admin shut down the thread accomplishes very little in that regard. 

    Post # 11
    1854 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I was not offended.

    Like Arachna, I wouldn’t do anything about it unless there are personal attacks or obviously a big attack against a group. This one seems like a grey area to me.

    I think it’s fair that people can share their opinions on it as long as it doesn’t get out of control.

    And, as others have said before, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it. I stopped when I got annoyed.

    Post # 12
    393 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’m sorry that some people were offended but it wasn’t skinny bashing, plus it was in the bigger girl side (which i’m totally apart of), and i find nothing wrong with it.

    Post # 13
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I think the comment was a little offensive, mainly because of how negative it is to think “bones are for dogs”.  I am not upset that I saw the post on the weddingbee, however I would advise that women evaluate what they post before they do it. There are women who are thin due to disease, genetics, etc. I would never want another bee who has a disease (eating disorders are a DISEASE too) and is thin to feel offended and leave this site.

    Obviously our society promotes thin women as a norm, which is wrong. However, I think as women we should all be celebrating each other for who we are instead of making a generalized comment about women different than us. (Women who are full-figured would not be ok with a thin woman saying full-figured is not beautiful, or real men don’t like that).

    Post # 14
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    My personal opinion is that some people are just way. too. sensitive. It is not that hard to determine if something is meant as an attack, or as something funny. I would seriously doubt if anyone really believes the original poster dislikes thin girls because they’re thin (or would advocate others dislike them because they’re thin). To me its akin as posting something like “brunettes rule and blondes drool!” I mean… its just a funny little nothing. 

    Now (full disclosure time), I fall more into the “meat” than the “bones” category so maybe I’m biased? But I kind of feel like if you’re thin you’ve got to realize that society and 95% of america things your body is beautiful. Maybe I’d feel differently if it was a saying about a somehow discriminated against group? 

    I dunno. I guess overall I just think that for something like this where the original poster clearly had no malice in mind, we should just let it go. If someone wants to be offended and think she’s a jerk, well thats their right. But there have also been some threads recently about people being afraid to speak their minds and I think the risk of letting some groups be offended is less serious than the risk of most posters being afraid to speak their minds. 


    one thing we can probably all agree on though: THIS is why i love weddingbee! I feel so much more connection here than most sites because you and Mrs. Bee actually ask for input (and listen to our answers)!

    Post # 15
    1251 posts
    Bumble bee

    Should we do something about this?  Or it should we leave the comments up, as long as they don’t contain a personal attack…


    If you censor, the communists win.

    (Not that there’s anything wrong with communists, of course.)


    Post # 16
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I really, really think that it’s way too sensitive for someone to walk into a specific thread for a specific group of Bees, and be upset by things like this. This post was in the full figured thread. It was for a specific audience.

    I really feel like if we open up to allowing extreme sensitiveness to comments not aimed outside of a specific audience, a lot of discussion would get shut down. For example, there is a long running thread in the Christian section about gender roles. Honestly, I find the idea of set gender roles really offensive. But, the thread isn’t for me. It isn’t about me. I’m not the intended audience, and no one is aiming it at me. It would be the height of crazy to run into that thread and, as a woman, demand an apology (yes, this is a bit more extreme). Same can be said for any section geared to certain needs. They can’t exist if they aren’t allowed to speak to their own audience, sometimes to the exclusion of other Bees.

    We have to let Bees with specific issues address their issues in peace.

    The topic ‘Policy: How should we handle comments that might offend a group of people?’ is closed to new replies.

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