Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married next spring, so I haven’t started a registry or anything yet, but I can’t think of a ton of stuff that we would need. Some new bedding and towels would be nice, dishes and a few things…
Anyway, is there a polite way to ask for cash as a gift or is it just too tacky to say “The bride and groom are registered at XXX and XXX; monetary gifts gratefully accepted.”
The truth is we could use the money more than the other gifts. I’m sure by that time we’ll have wedding items to pay for and would love to be able to take a nice honeymoon…
I would certainly appreciate gifts as well; however, and I don’t want guests to be under the impression that I invited them because of or expect them to give money.
what do you ladies think?
Post # 3
No. There is no polite way to ask for money. Ever.
Post # 4
Small registry and word of mouth. Anything else is an etiquette faux pas (aka rude and tacky).
Post # 5
@FutureMrsBPJ: Unfortunatley etiquette says there’s really NO real way to politely ask for money, Well you know what, Who Cares. I disagree. You could use a really cute poem like this and stick it in with your invites.
Soon you will hear our wedding bells
As friends and family wish us well
Our household thoughts are not brand new
We have twice the things we need for two
Since we have our share of dishes and bedding
We’re having instead a wishing well wedding.
Post # 6
I dont know that there is any great way to ask for money but we received an invitation yesterday asking for money in tiny tiny print at the bottom of the invite!! Personally I wouldnt go down that road, instead we found a homeware store that sells everything who do a “gift fund” so people put money in the fund for us to put towards a big ticket item like a lounge suite. Heres what that invite says:
We dont want to offend but we have it all, all household goods and so much more.To save you shopping, sit back and rest, a gift of currency is our request. Dont go overboard and rob any banks, anything will make us smile with thanks.
Please dont be offended at this type of rquest, as our day will be complete having you as our guest.
Post # 7
@FutureMrsBPJ: IMO there is never a polite way to ask for money. NEVER.
However, if someone were to ask you where you were registered, or as someone in your family or wedding party, there is nothing wrong with saying that you would welcome cash gifts as you really didn’t need enough to justify a registry. Yet I think it’s key to have a LEGIT reason to not have a regular registry like already having an established home, or living in a tiny apartment, living in another country, etc.
The key is that the guest needs to ASK for the information, you can not politely convey that information in any other way. 🙂
ETA: I do not like the poems. Making an inpolite request into a cheesy poem doesn’t make it ok. I don’t understand why people don’t just not register and let guests either decide on their own to buy something, or decide to give money or decide to give nothing. Chances are good you’ll get mostly money anyhow, and you didn’t have to be rude in the process. JUST MY TWO CENTS.
Post # 8
You kind of have to go “IDGAF” and realize that most guests would prefer to just know what you want and give you what will make you happy, rather than have to solve the riddle of the sphynx to figure out that you want money just because that’s traditional etiquette.
Basically, put it on your website.
Post # 10
At our wedding guests asked me what we would like and I was straight up with them. Money. They knew we lived together already. I wasn’t shy about the money thing.
Post # 11
There’s no nice way to ask for cash. Most people (at least here) give cash at the actual wedding anyway. I’ve been to 4 weddings in the last year so maybe 3 boxed gifts total.
Post # 12
I say have a tiny registry with like 5 items that you could actually use, and that’s all. people will get it.
Post # 13
I agree with the PPs that there is absolutely no polite way to ask for money. In my family, the way we ask for money is by simply not registering. However, from what I’ve heard from friends of mine, in other cultures people will just bring whatever they want in that sitaution.
I am one of those people who is really bothered by being asked for cash. I personally don’t feel that I should be paying for the couple’s wedding or honeymoon (if that is the intent). Regardless, that is my own personal opinion and other people can do whatever feels right to them. What I will say, is that after registering this weekend it was the most fun I have had so far! If there is anything you need, I would totally recommend registering!
Post # 14
thankyou for coming to watch us say “i do”,
having you as a guest will truly do.
we have all that we need when we start married life,
and become handsome husband and beautiful wife.
but if you would like to help us on our way,
a donation to our wishing well would make our day.
then when we’re on our honeymoon overseas,
we’ll have you to thank for our wonderful memories
Post # 15
We put it on our wedding website and our family is spreading it by word of mouth. We live in a tiny apartment and cannot fit anything else in it. We have everything we need What we really want is to have a down payment for a house so we can buy a place of our own soon after the wedding. I don’t see what’s wrong with this. Everyone I have talked to says they prefer to know what we really want/need instead of giving us random tangible gifts we neither want nor need.
Post # 16
This really depends on your social circle and your geographical area. There are a lot of Bees that said it’s totally normal to ask for monetary gifts in their culture/geographical area. Conversely, there are plenty of Bees that say it’s never okay.
Personally, I think it’s best to just register for the things you want and genuinely need and do not check the “We love giftcards” option on the registry. Then you can rely on word-of-mouth to “ask for money”. Pretty much anyone that is invited and gets the chance to talk to you, your Fiance or your families will bring up the wedding. Then you, Fiance or your family members can say something to the effect of, “FutureMRSPBJ and Mr FutureMRSPBJ are so excited about the wedding and starting their lives together. They are looking forward to buying their first home (or another good reason/story/excuse) and are saving up their pennies and dollars for this.” This basically hints to the giver that you really need cash. Your family members could, if asked, also say, “They have everything they need as they’ve been living together for years/been gifted all their necessities/etc.”
I don’t agree with the poems or any other cutesey way of conveying the message. Give your guests more credit than that.