(Closed) Polite way to tell a struggling bridesmaid not to worry about a gift?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Is there something you can ask her to do “as your wedding present”? Do you have pets she could mind when you’re on your honeymoon or could she help with something else on the day? Perhaps you could ask her to bake some snacks for you to have when you’re getting ready or be in charge of painting the Bridesmaid or Best Man nails or something? Make a point of the fact that it would be in place of a wedding present and that it would mean a lot to you.

If I was in your friend’s situation, I don’t think I’d like for you to hint to me about gifts, but I’d definitely be grateful if you offered another idea as a wedding present. Alternatively you could point out a small picture frame or something else inexpensive the next time you’re shopping together and make a big deal of how much you like it.

Just a few ideas. I definitely wouldn’t say anything outright.

Post # 3
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

Can you talk through another BM? Maybe if you guys are all close another friend can do it and its not like you are directly saying it? Are the other Bridesmaid or Best Man all pitching in for a gift together or helping with a bridal shower that could be a way to bring it up?

Post # 5
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Did the bridesmaids buy their own dresses or are they incurring costs elsewhere?  I’m imagining so.  I think a super sweet thing you could do would be to tell all of your bridesmaids how grateful you are and that their support has been the best wedding gift.  Some grand sweeping comment like that, and insist that that’s all you want from them on the wedding day – their love and support.

Post # 7
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Well honestly I wouldn’t expect that she would get you a gift. None of my bridesmaids were poor and none of them got me gifts at all. I think you should just leave the situation alone and if she is struggling and confides in you then that’s when you can bring it up. But yes otherwise it sounds like you are expecting her to give you a gift. 

Post # 8
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would just make an offhand comment about how you’re so appreciative of all the girls help and the money they’ve spent to be part of your day, and you can’t believe some brides expect gifts on top of that! (Which is a true sentiment for me, haha).

Post # 9
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I have a similar situation, and I’m going with the “doing me a favor” route.  One of my BM’s was actually just laid off (she knew it was a possibility due to downsizing, and she was the most recently hired).  Instead of giving me a gift, she is actually designing my wedding album for us and our parents — I’m just going to give her the login for my photographs and she’s going to design the albums personalized to our parents as well.  She has a great eye for photography (it’s a hobby of hers), and doing things like that isn’t something I enjoy, so it’s a win for everyone!  I was able to find a Groupon for a make your own photo book that she’s going to use as a base too!

I just straight up asked her.  I was talking about how expensive it was for my photographer to do it. 

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