Politics affecting relationships

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

I’m in the same boat. The past week has been making me relive my own sexual assault and my husband can’t get enough of watching the damn news. A mutual friend of ours (she is more my husband’s friend than mine) made one of those “I don’t usually get into politics but” posts on Facebook last night saying that “the whole thing is a sham” and she feels bad for Kavanaugh. I lost a great deal of respect for her and don’t really care to be around her anymore.

Post # 3
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

 

Comments removed for victim blaming.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  des-.
Post # 4
Member
2242 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
lemonsandlife71 :  how dare you call someone “childish” for struggling to cope with such a horrible experience…and your “I was also sexually abused” still doesn’t give you the right to bash someone else’s coping mechanisms. 

 

It isnt necessarily politics that causes the rift, it’s the sudden realization that the people you love and respect have COMPLETELY different values (or lack there of) than you’ve believed they had for the entire length of your relationship which causes you to come to a screeching halt. Politics may not be a reason to end relationships—but values damn sure are. People have the right to reevaluate their criteria for their personal relationships at any time.

 

For me, I think it’s childish to believe that you are owed friendships/relationships regardless of how your (shitty) beliefs may impact the person wanting to end the relationship. 

Post # 5
Member
713 posts
Busy bee

I was groomed by someone I trusted as a father figure and raped all the way until I went off to college. I’ve never reported it out of fear and no, my parents never found out. He’s too powerful. He was arrested for another incident but he didn’t even do any jail time because of his wealth and connections. But I made sure he could never touch my little sister and that he had no contact with my family anymore. My Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law are both very conservative and have been posting very triggering and disgusting things. I love them normally as people but their politics are disgusting. I’ve unfollowed FH’s family on FB for my own sanity. 

Post # 6
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

Luckily my husband and I see very eye-to-eye on things so it’s not an issue for us. I’m more emotional when it comes to politics and do struggle with wanting to distance myself from people who I feel don’t share the same values as I do. My husband is very good about being level-headed and encouraging me not to live in an echo chamber. Of course I see the value of being around people who think differently than I do though it’s not always easy to stomach.

I have never been sexually assaulted so I can’t imagine what you and so many are going through right now. I’m sorry that you don’t feel supported by your husband and friends. I understand why you would look at people differently. I am certainly side-eyeing some people on Facebook.

Post # 7
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I strongly disagree with others that it is invalid if a survivor of sexual abuse doesn’t feel comfortable or safe talking to others about the current sad state of our political situation. 

I had a disagreement with a coworker yesterday which wouldn’t have happened if my other coworker wasn’t playing the bullsh*t on his f*cking computer to begin with. 

I am not passing judgment I am not a court of law but I what I will tell you is just because someone is Christian or a father does not exonerate him from wrong doing. And using that as an excuse to validate is just f*cking stupid. That was the argument my coworker made. She tore me to pieces and is extremely opinionated and f*cking wrong I might add. 

This woman has never faced adversity in her life and the fact that she just tears down ANOTHER WOMAN when she said, ‘sorry I don’t agree with you’ is RIDICULOUS. She got very red in the face and defened him saying ‘hes Christian’. Like I give a RATS ASS??? What does that have to do with anything???

Let’s wait for the facts to come through people. We don’t know the whole story. We don’t know who’s guilty, who’s lying, and who isn’t. And yes, as a survivor of abuse it DOES make me feel angry and uncomfortable, but it doesnt give me the right to tear other people a part of NOT supporting another woman because of their opinion. 

It really shows peoples true colors and it’s alarming! I’m choosing to move on from the conversation but I will tell you, I will never voice my opinion again and that’s sad!!

 

Post # 8
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
thesecondwife :  I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s so sad that these horrible things happen and these animals are just allowed to get away with it…I too was too afraid to come forward beacuse how do you prove something like that? It’s so f*cked up. I’m so sorry Bee. 

Post # 9
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Yes, this week has been profoundly upsetting both on a personal level, probably like for all survivors, and also on a general level: such an ugly display of how partisan our democratic process has become – especially when you consider that the same party just recently blocked a rightful nominee for 10 months for no reason.

Anyway, I am grateful that my husband understands the statistics around sexual assault, believes victims, and is purely disgusted by what is happening in Washington. It’d be very difficult otherwise – 

View original reply
psyche1978 :  I’m sorry that your husband doesn’t feel like an ally right now. Big hugs to you!

This goes beyond mere politics – this is about people’s basic humanity and empathy for others. I wouldn’t hesitate to unfriend – on Facebook AND in real life if they were outspoken enough – people who spout constant victim-blaming stuff or false Fox News talking points. I’ve done that with my FB… life’s too short to see that shit. 

My in-laws are conservative but they don’t put that stuff on FB. If it comes up in real life, I leave the conversation. I won’t change their minds and I can’t stand hearing them parrot fake shit that they got from Fox News. Thankfully my own family is very rational and fact-based. Like Stephen Colbert said, “reality has a well-know liberal bias” 😉

Post # 10
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

I know this is totally beside the point, but did I understand it correctly? Your friend compared drawing a dick to someone’s face at a frat party to a sexual assult?

Post # 11
Member
1859 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I just hate both Republicans and Democrats, so honestly, my relationships haven’t been affected because I feel equally about everyone. I tend to swing conservative on many things, and liberal on many things, but I absolutely despise Democrats and Republicans and how self-obsessed they are with themselves and their political agendas.

I have Republican and Democrat friends, and they know how I feel. We don’t let politics smash into our friendships, mainly because the whole “we hate the same side even if you hate my side” kinda mentality. 

It’s been easier to navigate the social implications of this than I expected, I’ll admit. I’m not sure what I would do if I was a hard believer of a single side. Luckily, my fiance shares 100% of my views, so our romance isn’t affected.

Post # 12
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

I have been vocally of the opinion that if he did it, he should be rejected for the SCOTUS and face criminal charges of attempted rape.

I have followed this story fairly closely (including listened to the hearings yesterday) and I just don’t find her story credible enough to prove that he did. There are too many holes and missing facts, and that all of her witnesses deny any knowledge of the party is one of the bigger nails in the coffin for me. I would want to see more objective evidence beyond an allegation to believe that someone has committed a crime.

I haven’t had anyone unfriend me for that^^ viewpoint, but if they did I don’t think I would miss them.

Post # 13
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee

Living in constant gaslighitng is definitely taking a toll on my mental health.  I have lost so much respect for some of my family members, I feel no desire to see them anymore.  I honestly don’t think my relationship with my sibling will ever fully recover.  We were very close at one time and this is something I struggle with a lot.

Yesterday was particularly hard.  If this nomination succeeds it will be a very hard pill to swallow as a woman and as someone who has been abused.  I think hubs was on alert coming home yesterday, knowing how angry women across the country were at that moment.  Thankfully we are very well aligned politically and he is also mortified by what happened yesterday and what’s likely going to happen next.

Post # 14
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee

Me and my Fiance used to argue about politics frequently around the time of the UK general election (she voted Tory, I voted Labour). However, since then we have been able to see eye to eye on a lot of things and have found it easier to agree to disagree. I’m lucky in a way that other than the fringe parties in the UK, there isn’t a huge amount of difference in the politcal parties like there is in the US. The main two parties (Labour and Conservative) are actually both left wing, with the Tories being more centre left than labour). Their main differences are financial, such as tax and public spending, which is an important issue to me, but not as emotive as things like abortion and womens’ rights etc. In terms of Brexit I had no strong feelings either way, so luckily avoided debates over that as I can see the arguments on both sides. 

I do think that if I lived in the US though, I would have a very hard time not letting politics affect my relationships, because in my opinion Trump is a mad man and anyone who supports him does not have any of the morals I value in people. 

Post # 15
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Disagreeing on politics is one thing – I am perfectly capable of having respectful, intersting debates with my family and friends about things like the role of government in our lives, whether a particular social program is effective or valuable, and how we prioritise different values and interests. 

But when the disagreement comes down to arguing about basic human decency, I’m the fuck out. I will not entertain or keep someone in my inner circle who thinks sexual assault is just “boys being boys” or who is anti-LGBT or who thinks abusers should get a pass if they go on to have successful careers.

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