(Closed) Politics of the Guest List

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

I know what the "rules" technically are, but I think that’s because I’m planning a wedding.  A lot of our friend haven’t, so they don’t.  We had  a family member book travel and hotel with his "significant other."  They’ve only been dating two months, so we didn’t expect to invite her.  She was NOT invited on the save the date we sent him.  He just assumed he could bring a date.  We let it go rather than fight about it, since he is family.

The one that we had to confirm was whether older guest could bring a companion.  In general, they were invited, but we let our older guest know they can feel free to bring a companion, even if that person down’t know us.

Post # 5
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Your list idea is really good! I wish we would have done this! So far though the only issue with us is the kids, we established a Jr High or above, must be a child of invited guest, no freinds of theirs – kinda thing.

The one thing you are doing that we are not, is the single invitees coming alone. We’re allowing ours to bring a date even if we don’t know them. It’s impossible for us to keep up with all our friends and dates, and they could just be brinign a friend. Plus I HATE showing up someone where alone where I’m not sure if I know anyone…. for me if I was invited singlely to a wedding I woulnd’t attened – not everyone is as social as others and making new friends or sitting alone ins’t their thing. 

And I have no trouble talking up a storm and meeting new people, I still woulnd’t do it….lol. But that’s just one person.  

Post # 6
31 posts
  • Wedding: November 2008

A friend of mine is currently planning her wedding.  She and her fiance are footing the whole bill so things are very tight.  His best man is his twin brother, who does not have a girlfriend.  The twin brother pitched a fit this week when he found out that only established couples are allowed to have a date… to the point now where he is no longer going to be the best man!  For his own twin brother!  And this is after my friend said, "Fine, you can bring someone. We’ll make an exception."  He’s complaining how all the single people will have to watch all the happy couples be all mushy – like he’s the first person ever to have to attend some weddings single (and with his attitude, it’s becoming clear why he’s single, lol).

It’s such a hassle, this whole guest list thing.

Post # 7
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

well…my dad is a pastor.

for the past 2 weeks i have been in "warm" discussions with my mother on inviting my dad’s church.

she thinks i should, bc of protocol.

we think not, bc we dont know them.

i wish i had your problem of inviting kids friends. ….then at least i wouldnt be head to head with my mother…..with whom i am currently living.

Post # 8
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA

Guest lists always bring up drama, don’t they?!?!

So far ours is fairly drama-free, but not entirely.  We decided that there will be no kids under the age of 12 allowed at our evening reception.  This isn’t a problem for most people, like our friends with small children who understand that it could get out of hand, but it is still a little issue with Mr. Cupcake’s one cousin.  He and his wife have a four-year-old and a one-year-old, and they were caught off guard when we mentioned that we won’t be having kids at the reception.  They still seem to think it’s ridiculous, but we’re trying to make the point that we’re not intentionally excluding their kids; it seems a little ridiculous to me anyway that they would want to be fussing over their kids at a 7:00 dinner reception, when it will clearly be near their bed-time and it’s not an event they’ll actually remember in a few years.  We need to stay firm that we needed to make a rule, and allowing their kids would mean allowing other small kids that we really don’t need to be buying $70 plates of chicken fingers for.  We might still have to deal with it and at least hire a babysitter, but I would rather do that than make an exception when I don’t think there should be small kids there.

I even have cousins whose kids are over the age of 12 that we’re not inviting, simply because we barely know them or see them, and it would mean an additional five people.  Our guest list is tight, and the only kids between the ages of 12 and 18 are those first cousin’s of ours.   

In terms of single friends, we’re only inviting them with guests if they are fairly seriously involved with someone. For now we’re sending save-the-dates addressed only to them, and then we’ll make the call on guests when the invitations go out.  The only exception is one of my bridesmaids who is single, who I decided can have a guest either way (since she is paying a lot of money to be with me on my big day!). 

Post # 9
111 posts
Blushing bee

so far ours has been easy (knock knock on wood)

we’ev encouraged the singletons in our bridal party to bring a guest, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, someone off the street (ok not that) but we’ve made it clear to them that they are free to bring a guest.

we are not having children at our reception, except for the kids who are in our wedding party.

singletons – case by case basis i guess… general guideline – if you havent called me to tell me all about your new mr. yummy in our girl-chat sessions that means (1) we’re not that good of friends anyway since we dont keep up with each other, and i shouldnt be inviting you to my wedding or (2) if you JUST met him at the stationary store buying a card while you were on your way to my wedding and think he’s hott — yeah please dont bring your +1…

the rehearsal dinner is another thing… we’re giong to encourage all members of the bridal party to bring their spouse, significant other or if they’re single, a date, to the Rehearsal Dinner. Kids of our GMs or BMs are most welcome at the Rehearsal Dinner. 

i guess we kinda have no rules – or maybe "all inclusive" i guess is our rule – except for the little ones at the reception

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