(Closed) Poll: asking husband for center stone upgrade, when to ask?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
  • poll: When is a good time to ask for an upgrade?
    2nd baby push present : (19 votes)
    20 %
    5 year anniversary : (30 votes)
    32 %
    10 year anniversary : (45 votes)
    48 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    2813 posts
    Sugar bee

    I guess it is hard for me to wrap my head around a “push gift”. With us ttc for a while for our first (doing fertility treatments, ivf, having miscarriages), the best “push gift” would be getting pregnant, not miscarrying, and delivering a healthy baby. Not a bigger diamond. Different perspectives for everyone.  With a second baby on the way – isn’t there a better use for the money than spending it on shallow and materialistic things?

    Post # 32
    Member
    415 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    nickels:  She wasn’t asking for your opinion on upgrades. She wants an upgrade. Different people want different things, be open minded. Doesn’t seem fair to call someone greedy simply because they value jewelry. She even mentioned she has the money for it, and she’d only be paying the difference. 

     

    I’d say ask for it now, as an anniversary present, whenever your next one comes along. I feel an upgrade makes more sense to get during an anniversary than as a push present.

    Post # 33
    Member
    2925 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I used to think that upgrades should be saved for milestone anniversaries. But the more I think about it, life’s too short.  If you want the upgrade now -and it’s not like you’re asking to go from a 1ct to a 3ct – I say bring it up in conversation.  I would probably mention it ahead of time, like “hey, instead of a birthday/anniversary present, I would like to upgrade the center diamond” and see where it goes.  I used to beat around the bush a lot more but I have found being more direct (without of course demanding something) makes things so much easier. 

    FWIW, don’t listen to the posters trying to make you feel bad for wanting an upgrade.  I don’t think you’re asking for anything unreasonable.

    Post # 34
    Member
    102 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I can’t really answer the poll because I asked for an upgrade before our wedding we had a hand me down diamond from a grandmother that hated me and it was small I wanted something that I couldn’t stop looking at I was very hesitant to ask… but I did and got just what I wanted…. some people think I’m spoiled but I feel my hubby thinks happy wife happy life… if you can afford it do it… good luck bee!

    Post # 36
    Member
    1365 posts
    Bumble bee

    My center stone is an heirloom, so even though it’s not my “ideal” size, I would NEVER ask for an upgrade. And I know you say that you don’t care if anyone else notices the size difference, but I have seen many, many stones, and I can’t fathom why someone would want an upgrade from a 0.9 to a 1.2. The coverage is not that different In My Humble Opinion. 

    You’re married. You share finaces (presumably). You should always feel comfortable to bring this up with your H if that’s what you want. I voted 10 year anniversary because that seemed the most reasonable to me, even though I’d never ask for an upgrade. I also do not understand in any way the concept of a “push present”, so there’s that. Sorry.

    Post # 37
    Member
    2554 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Daisy_Mae:  Took the words out of my (gagging) mouth.

    The mental image that I associate with the term “push present” is so unappealing that believe me, you would not want to wear that ring…

    Post # 38
    Member
    5894 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    LovesBeingAMrs:  I agree with the others who said just be direct.  Bring up your desire for an upgrade with your Darling Husband, talk about appropriate timing and come to an agreement.  if you have the money and you can both agree this is a suitable way to spend it, i don’t see why you have to beat around the bush about it.

    Post # 39
    Member
    910 posts
    Busy bee

    The phrase ‘push present’ makes my uterus crawl further inside me.

    I don’t see the point in waiting for a special event if it’s something you want sooner rather than later and you have the money. Makes no difference if you spend it now or in a years time.

     

    Post # 40
    Member
    4 posts
    Wannabee

    I dont think you should ask him, the ring was a gift from him but upgrading is on you

    Post # 41
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Push gift. Lmao. This is the most contentious subject on BBC and other baby forums. Sadly I couldn’t ask for a push present, would a “three months in the hospital on strict bed rest, then they sliced me open” be an appropriate title for a gift? 

     

    OP, I would just say hey, I want tp upgrade my ring and start putting funds away for that purpose, since your husband is a savver. Once that second baby gets here expendable income will be less, more than likely. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    480 posts
    Helper bee

     

    I’ve never been comfortable asking anyone for gifts. That said, if I wanted an upgrade and finances were not an issue (e.g., I’m self-sufficient), I would just go and get it myself. Again, that is what I would do.

    It sounds like you really want the larger stone, and I do understand how shrinkage works, so I would just ask your husband now. Unless you would prefer to wait, of course.

    Post # 43
    Member
    733 posts
    Busy bee

    Agreed. Push present is gross. What if you have a C-section? No present? The whole thing is so icky.

    Does it have to be an upgrade? Why not a diamond RHR? I won’t upgrade my engagement ring, but I’ve bought several diamond RHR’s and I’m working on another project now.

    I handle the money in the family, and it I want something and we can afford it, I buy it. I don’t need to ask because I’m not a child. If you want it mean something sentimental, then just tell him you want a bigger engagement ring for X event coming up.

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