POLL – Did you have a kid-free wedding?

posted 6 months ago in Logistics
  • poll: Did you have a kid-free wedding?
    Yes : (63 votes)
    38 %
    No : (93 votes)
    56 %
    Other : (10 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    549 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

    MrsBeck :  That’s probably how we’re going to do it. We want our nieces there, but any future cousins’ kids don’t care about seeing us get married, and we’ll probably never see them again. I don’t think anyone has any yet, but a cousin just got married (who didn’t have me as a plus one initially), so who knows if there will be a baby on the way by then. His child cousins will be teens, and since we know them decently well and they’re good kids, we want them there too. I guess I’m lucky that I like all the kids that are in our families!

    Post # 32
    Member
    549 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

    tiffanybruiser :  What made you change your mind, out of curiosity?

    Post # 33
    Member
    457 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - A historic Art Deco and French Renaissance Theatre

    I guess I’m not really understanding your comment? Children are not invited to our wedding so there really isn’t an option to choose whether they want to bring them or not. People can come or if they prefer not to without their children we understand they won’t be able to make it. I was just mentioning that a lot of parents I have spoken with are excited about it and they themselves had said it’s a night off for them. 

    moissamight :  

    Post # 34
    Member
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

    Kid-free but not on purpose. We included children on the invite but the parents decided to leave them at home with grandparents so they could have a night out! 

    Post # 35
    Member
    7814 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    moissamight :  In my husband’s culture, children are always included in weddings because weddings are viewed as whole-family events. No one would ever consider excluding any close family member from such a joyous occasion, including kids. This is not how it is in my social circle..most of the weddings in my circle that I’ve been to have been kid-free, so that’s just what I’ve always been useed to. But in talking to my husband about it a few times over the years I’ve come round to his point of view. I think for me personally, having the whole family together at a wedding is more important than having a more adult vibe during the reception.

    To be clear I understand if people want a kid-free wedding and I think that’s fine! It’s just not something that I would choose for myself.

    Post # 36
    Member
    549 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

    cloud9bride :  Sorry, I think I misread your comment. I guess I was annoyed by someone who, when I mentioned I was going to have kids at my wedding said, “oh, we didn’t have kids at our wedding; it was nice to give parents a break”, and I read it as that kind of thing when it wasn’t. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    My wedding is still coming up, but children are 100% welcome. I have 10 nieces and nephews (16 months-16 years), and friends have little ones (7-15 months).  All are welcome and have been invited. 

    I want children to always know they are welcome in my life; they aren’t seen as a burden. I want my nieces and nephews to feel important and like they belong and are a wonderful part of our family memories (8/10 are adopted within the last 3 years). 

    If one fusses a bit during the ceremony, I’m sure the parents will take them out.  And if they don’t, what’s it going to do? Set my fiancee and I up for divorce, cause a riff in our marriage that can’t be fixed? She’ll be able to hear me, as she’s standing right in front of me. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    7000 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We had a kid free wedding, it was great.

    The invitation was specifically addressed to only those invited : “Mr. & Mrs. John Smith”. Additionally the RSVP Card Read // We have 2 seats reserved for you. Number Attending:____

    The Reception info card was designed so the top read “Please enjoy us for an adult evening of Dinner, Drinks & Dancing” in a decorative way as to look like more of a design. 

    ___

     

    ETA: I just want to add, I always see the same tired arguments on these kinds of posts. You’ve got the camp that wants to enjoy a nice evening without the disruption of kids…or the camp that things you’re a horrible person for not having kids because weddings are a “family event”. Not everyone has the same definition of what a family event means.

    A wedding invitation isn’t a summons. If you don’t like the terms for any reason you’re welcome to decline. That doesn’t just mean kids…if you don’t like the venue? Decline. If you don’t want to travel? Decline. It’s a holiday weekend and you have better things to do? Decline. 

    People who are in favor of kid free events always like to say things like “I’m sure if kids are being disruptive their parents wlil take them out” and I laugh every time I hear it. It’s a great theory, but not likely to happen. As a wedding photographer I attend more weddings in one calendar year than the average person attends in their lifetime. I can tell you, with 100% confidence, the number of times I see people who DON’T remove their fussy/disruptive child from a ceremony would blow your mind. Just becasue YOU haven’t experienced an overly disruptive child at a wedding doesn’t mean that it isn’t super super common. It is. It’s like people lose all sense of etiquette or manners. I’ve watched so many times while parents sit there and try to distract their kids, or just get up and walk laps around the back of the ceremony instead of just completely removing their child to an area where they can’t be heard. 

    I’m a mom. I love my kid and I love other kids too. That doesn’t mean I think having kids at every event is appropriate. I think it’s totally reaching to say people having a kid-free wedding are telling kids they are a burden and not welcome in their life. Plenty of people, myself included, love kids and still had kid-free wedding. That’s like telling every parent who uses a sitter to have a date night that they hate their kids and wish they weren’t around. This is one of those moments the bee needs and eyeroll emoji.  

    Post # 39
    Member
    169 posts
    Blushing bee

    We intended on having a kid-free wedding, only inviting my niece, who was almost 2 at the time and the flower girl.

    However, my cousins turned up with their 5 kids. Luckily, the venue did not have an issue with it. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    We had a child free ceremony but not a reception. This was mostly because my nephews had a history of screaming/crying during the ceremony and my SIL just thought it was hilarious, rather than doing anything about it.

    We hired professional childcare and the kids all got their own invite for a party, there were snacks, drinks, toys and games for a couple of hours for the ceremony and drinks reception. They came back to their parents for lunch. It worked really well, as the kids were from separate sides of th family, by the time it came to the evening, they were mingling and having a blast together. All the kids were 8 or younger. As a small kid I know what I’d rather be doing!

    Post # 41
    Member
    210 posts
    Helper bee

    After witnessing a wedding where a child (around 6) was playing games on a phone, throwing toys on the floor, and screaming all through the exchange of vows, I was adamant against having an adults-only wedding. That bride was much reserved than I am, I would have turned around and called that kid out, lol. 

     

    I actually lucked out that since my wedding is a destination, people have approached me first and said they are excited to have a week without their kids/cheaper to travel without bringing the kids. I have still put on my wedding website that it is adults only and I plan on adding it on the invitation as well

    Post # 42
    Member
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    I’m having kids at my wedding. I honestly just want everyone to have a good time, and if the kids cause a ruckus- so be it! I honestly don’t care 🙂 

    Post # 43
    Member
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    No. My sister has two small children and lives more than 300 miles away. I would not have expected her to put a toddler and a 2 month old into somebody else’s care. There were some other kids there who mostly behaved very well. The wedding was relatively laid-back, so there was little danger of knocking over expensive things.

    Post # 44
    Member
    459 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2019

    Some of my invites asked my after the Save the Dates if they were meant to leave their kids at home. And for the others we included some passes with the number of people invited on them, so it was actually really clear.

    Post # 45
    Member
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    chillbee29 :  We weren’t a child free wedding, but we have tonnes of friends who have kids.

    So we did it case-by-case.  Invited all babies under 1 (there were a few, but they just chilled in their prams and we didn’t hear a single peep), and invited a couple of kids that Darling Husband and I are close with.  Didn’t invite others.  We just addressed everyone on the invited by name.  There were no dramas, one friend called me to clarify if her child was invited, but when I said no, she said cool and was fine and that was that.

    I don’t understand how this is such a huge deal for some people.  If your child isn’t invited and you don’t want to get a sitter – decline.  

    Leave a comment


    Find Amazing Vendors