(Closed) Poll – Did your SO get your father's permission to propose?

posted 5 months ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did your SO get permission from parents'?

    Yes

    No

    Sort of (Explain)

    Other (Explain)

  • Post # 17
    Member
    728 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @LittleFrenchBee:  oh no, your language is totally fine! People have just recently *cough*evencheckthisthread*cough* changed it so it doesn’t so … oppressive. But it still means the same thing. Lol

    Post # 18
    Member
    1383 posts
    Bumble bee

    My husband told my father that he was going to propose but didnt ask got permission to blessing.

     

    Post # 19
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I always always see this as asking for blessing thus never understand the judging comment. Did anybody ever ask for permission?

    I love my parents why wouldn’t I want their blessing?

    Post # 20
    Member
    409 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    View original reply
    @skuzzlebutt:  I dunno, I see them as different, but I can see how others would disagree! 

    I think some people ask their parents for advice more- we asked my parents for advice when looking at houses to buy, and when in tough times like making decisions around our pets, taxes, retirement or healthcare. So I guess I do talk to my parents a lot about major life decisions I make, but they aren’t choosing my house for me or telling me how to respond to the proposal, that’s still my choice. But at the same time, I guess you could say it’s weird that he’s talking to my parents and not me talking to them. My parents give good advice and sometimes my husband goes to them with his own questions too. I don’t really ask my in laws much though.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2606 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    My husband had a conversation with my parents before proposing. It wasn’t so much permission, or asking for their blessing, as stating our intention to get married and letting them know he was planning on proposing soon. I say “our” intention, because when he talked to hem, he let them know we had discussed it. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2022 - Newton Square, PA

    Absolutely not lol. 

    While I’m sure he’d love to be asked, he is no longer involved in my life. Mostly for the way he regards his daughters like we are his possessions. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    706 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2020

    Absolutely not. I got ahead of it and told him not to dare. My stepdad is great but he doesn’t own me. My mother is amazing but she doesn’t own me. They’re not marrying him, they don’t speak for me, it’s not their place to “bless” anything.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1345 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

    I voted sort of. My husband proposed without asking my father and I said yes. But culturally speaking everybody has a blessing ceremony here where both families come together an evening and groom’s family ask for blessings. 

    Was is necessary, no. But that’s how it is, and no family would take it the other way. (We even had an engagement party with about 30 relatives.)

    Post # 25
    Member
    3117 posts
    Sugar bee

    I genuinely don’t get the idea of asking for the parents’ blessing or even giving them advance noticeof a proposal.  The idea of talking to the parents before proposing just seems so disrespectful to me…  Like I am an afterthought whose opinion or wish matters less. 

    I don’t ask for my parents’ blessing or give them advance notice before buying a car, booking a vacation, applying for a mortgage, moving, taking a new job, negotiating my salary, making decisions about my health/healthcare, or any other life decision. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    My dad would have laughed his ass off if DH had asked him that. We’d be hearing about it every anniversary from now until infinity.

    Post # 27
    Member
    1130 posts
    Bumble bee

    Well I’m the one who proposed, and I certainly didn’t ask his parents permission…..

    i wouldn’t have married my husband if he were the kind of person who thought this was a good idea. I haven’t nended my parents permission for a life decision since I was 18, and I sure as hell am not their property to dispense. Their permission or it’s functional equivalent in the form of a blessing is utterly irrelevant ( they would certainly agree!)

    Post # 28
    Member
    835 posts
    Busy bee

    OP, I think it would be interesting to do a poll to see if anyone’s SO spoke with their parents before proposing and they were upset about it. It seems to me from the very polarized comments this thread is getting that those whose parents were consulted/aware/etc. are happy with the way it went down, and those who are horrified by the idea chose partners who would never even consider it. And if each group is happy with their own SO’s actions, that’s how it should be.

    Post # 29
    Member
    432 posts
    Helper bee

    No. We decided to get married together and there was no proposal, but I would have been so put off by him asking my dad’s permission. I know it’s important to some people, but I think unless someone specifically wants that to be part of the proposal, it’s just creepy. My parents had nothing to do with our relationship, and my dad would have been very alarmed that I was with someone like that—as would I!

    Post # 30
    Member
    728 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @laurana1:  the words mean the same thing to me because the action resulting is the same. I don’t see the point in trying to mentally justify using a different word when it’s the same action/outcome. Did you ask your Mother-In-Law to marry your husband? Taking away her widdle man? I’m betting no, and it’s the notion that men can make their own decisions but somehow women can’t.

    I don’t fault anyone for doing this, but pointing out the mental gymnastics to justify the patriarchal history of this ‘tradition’ is something I feel strongly about. If one wants to participate, at least own it. 

    The topic ‘Poll – Did your SO get your father's permission to propose?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors