(Closed) Poll: Did your wedding mess with your head?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Did your wedding mess with your head? Select as many as apply!

    Yes

    Nope

    There was definitely drama while planning/during my wedding

    Planning my wedding was one of the most stressful times of my life

    The wedding resulted in a lost relationship (bridesmaid, relative, etc)

    I would have a smaller wedding OR spend less money if I had a do-over

    I would have a bigger wedding OR spend more if I had a do-over

    I feel happy or at least content when I think of my wedding

    I feel sad or just UGH when I think of my wedding

  • Post # 2
    Member
    3440 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

    At this point I simply want to get through the day with my sanity intact. Looking forward to being married and the honeymoon but thats about it. Would absolutely have done a private ceremony then taken a small group to dinner if I’d known how much of a headache this wedding would be.

    Post # 3
    Member
    948 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2020

    I feel like the main reason it causes drama and stress is that it reveals how people truly prioritize others in their life, and those don’t always align with the other party’s expectation–such as who they pick for the bridal party, who is invited and isn’t, who accepts the invitation, etc. Plus, trying to get a group of friends all together for a day is hard enough. But 100+ people? Yikes!

    Post # 4
    Member
    924 posts
    Busy bee

    During the planning there were happy tears, sad tears, arguments…more arguments…headaches, all thanks to one person…but it’s over now, and the day came and went without a hitch and while it was one of the best days of my life, I’m so glad it’s over. Letting anyone else other than you and your Fiance plan the wedding is a terrible idea (not that I had a choice, though).  I was very content and relaxed with planning until that point. Oh well!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1191 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I can not wait for Sunday 9.24  the day AFTER my wedding.  I feel bad that I am not at all excited about the actual wedding.  The planning hasn’t been all that stressful, easy actually, but this is my 2nd and I know what a waste of time, energy and money goes into a few hours of one day.  I can’t wait to be married but this wedding can’t get here and be gone quick enough!  I hope wedding week, week after next!, I’ll be more excited and amped but as of now, meh.

    Post # 6
    Member
    689 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I look back on my wedding day with happy memories and a lot of smiles, despite wedding planning being a super stressful period with a lot of tears. The day of was one of the best days of my life; I smiled and laughed way too much with love ones. I honestly felt the “bride aura” shining that day 🙂

    The only negative aspect was my wedding eventually led to a loss of friendship, but it’s probably for the better.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3865 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    My wedding planning was actually pretty stress free. I didn’t have a wedding party so there was no stress there. I also didn’t have any pre-wedding events (outside of the rehearsal dinner) so no stress there either. I think if anything, I may have had a different invite list. There were some I couldn’t invite because of the space limitations and others I invited because I felt I “had” to, and I should have swapped those groups. But all my relationships remained intact and overall, wedding planning was a very pleasant, drama free experience.

    Post # 8
    Member
    10455 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I didn’t have wedding planning stress or drama. Maybe one or two very small bits of drama but nothing that was a big deal or got blown up. I loved our wedding day, I have nothing but happy memories.

    It’s sad that it seems that’s not the norm.

    Post # 9
    Member
    6874 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    View original reply
    teeleigh :  I think what saved my sanity was realizing that I didn’t want or need a wedding with all the frills.  Maybe because I was an older bride, maybe because I’m cheap, maybe because I watched other people get married, but I realized it’s mostly a load of crap that I can’t be bothered with, even if it looks pretty on the outside.  I had a small wedding and a bbq reception, skipping most of the traditional requirements.  I also have family (as does my husband) who keep their noses out of my business, so there were no demands from parents or in-laws, reasonable or otherwise.  They basically said “let us know what we can do” and left us the heck alone.  Then on the day of, they were quite helpful in setup, tear down, etc.  The most stressful part of my day was finding out my brothers-in-law were out joyriding in the UTVs we’d rented instead of checking to see if we needed any help with food prep.  I stomped my foot and moved on.

    So looking back, it didn’t screw with my head, I didn’t lose any friendships that weren’t already on their way out (via drifting/distance, not at all caused by the wedding, it just fell during that time period) and I have lovely memories of the day (though mostly I’ve forgotten what went on, lol)

    Best bet is to realize there is no need to do all the things everyone claims are necessary.  It’s mostly just marketing to pull more money out of your wallet.  Do what you want, skip the rest and don’t waste your money if you aren’t going to enjoy yourself.

    Post # 10
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee

    So perhaps I shouldn’t respond to this because my wedding hasn’t yet happened (mid-October this year!!), but I think what I’m finding is that wedding planning can get under your skin for even the most even keeled types of people because of an accumulation of little things. Maybe one friend makes a face when you tell her you’re not having a traditional cake. No big thing. Then it feels like pulling teeth to get some RSVPs. Meh. Apparently everyone goes through that. Then your grandma makes a comment about how she hopes you don’t wear your hair down (though you’ve been growing it out for two years). Whatever. That’s how grandma is. She just thinks updos are classy. Then a friend asks if she can bring a friend if her date can’t make it. Innocent enough etiquette mistake. …you get the point. It builds and it builds and even the toughest cookies can have feelings hurt and feel self conscious about having to defend every decision for the wedding.

    Regarding drama.. it’s similar. Nothing crazy crazy has happened but it’s a bunch of small awkward conversations you don’t want to have. No, the uncle with severe drug addiction and untreated mental health problems isn’t invited even if ‘you’re pretty sure he wouldn’t come anyway.’ Foot down, not happening. No, we don’t want your husband to be the DJ even though he’ll give us a sweet deal; we’re happy with making a playlist. Please stop offering. So what if grandma thinks having a family based bridal shower is “in poor taste” even though the only reason I’m doing it is because other family wants to do it.

    I gave myself two days to get good and worked up about it. Then i decided to share my feelings with my Fiance and he said “as long as you show up, we’ll have an amazing time.” You can’t please everyone. Have common sense and try to throw a party you would like to attend. I didn’t want a wedding until I met him. We’re doing this to celebrate our love for each other. We’ve invited friends and family to celebrate with us. How they choose to enjoy the moment or get flustered about it is out of my hands, so I plan to be gracious and enjoy the shit out of it. We’ll see how it goes!! <3<3

    Post # 11
    Member
    7189 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Only in the last couple days when I freaked out about my remaining to do list. Otherwise there wasn’t much drama. I think it helped that I have event planning and ritual planning experience and a really good friend who also does events was my coordinator so I just thought of it as a big ritual and party to celebrate all the work my SO and I had done to get to where we were in our relationship. That kept things in perspective and helped me stay calm and at peace for most of the planning.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3353 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    View original reply
    teeleigh :  no lost friendships, no real family drama here (the biggest drama was telling DH’s sister that her 2yo monster child couldn’t attend because it was adults only, but we managed to get over that hump). But I did cry at least once a day for 10 days over the weather report. At least. We had an outdoors weddings, and yes we had a plan B, and I realize I can’t in anyway control the weather…but all the same, it’s hard to not get super stressed and upset over something that you feel will pretty much ruin the thing that you’re spending $50k+ on. Like, we paid for the view. So no view and it all seemed stupid. In the end, the weather held out and our day was awesome. The humidity was 92% and my hair looked like shit (combo of weather and bad stylist) but what can ya do. I would do it all over (though I’d like to be able to NOT be super stressed) exactly the same. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

    I’m actually really happy with how our Wedding turned out. We were very fortunate that my parents paid for the Wedding, and Mother-In-Law paid for our Honeymoon. 

    The only issues we encountered were with my Mum during planning. Anything we suggested wasn’t “wedding-y” enough, but she could never explain in what way or how to fix it!

    It definitely strained our relationship, but we’ve mostly come out the other side and the day itself was perfect. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

    I hate weddings and they’ve ruined or put stress on too many friendships. 

    So I no longer participate in the weddings of others – with the exception of a short list as none of my closest friends are married and I’ll of course show up for them. 

    My own wedding was as stress-free as possible. 11 guests, no attendants, served pizza with a luau theme at home. The way everyone says they’d do it if they had it to do over. 

    It was still fairly stressful planning everything in just shy of 4 months and lots of worry about possible regrets. Everything went great though. Of course if I really think there are a couple of things I would change or regret. But that’s not worth the energy. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee

    I just didn’t care about planning- I’m about 6 weeks away and the little details still don’t matter. Sure, I have a lot of nice things going on for this shindig, but I just care about marrying my best friend. As long as I can do that, it’s a walk in the park for me. 

    The topic ‘Poll: Did your wedding mess with your head?’ is closed to new replies.

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