Post # 1
I see so many threads on weddingbee about bad in-law relations. As somene who strongly believes in “You marry the family too”, I’m always so surprised by these threads. Why marry into a family if they drive you crazy?
So I’m curious how many bees have in-laws that they don’t like, and why this wasn’t a deal breaker.
Post # 2
I have an AMAZING relationship with my Future Mother-In-Law. My Future Father-In-Law and I butt heads sometimes. But that is just because of the way he treats my Fiance
Post # 3
checkmate08: Ok so my Future Mother-In-Law is crazy. She’s like a time bomb just waiting for the right moment to explode! My Fiance doesn’t even like being around her and that’s why I was ok marrying into it. If he is aware that she’s a bubble off then at least we can commiserate together. If he didn’t see who she really was, then it probably wouldn’t have worked out.
Post # 4
His dad is awesome, they are very similar men. His mother is great, very loving, but we are very different people. She is quite pushy and suffocating, and ditzy. She’s a different kind of mother from my own, so I don’t have the level of patience that I should with her. I’m trying.
Post # 5
I enjoy mine. They are completely opposite of me so that makes it a bit hard. We are renting a house from them and they live less then a mile away, so I see them more then usual for in laws.
Post # 6
I voted, “No – but I tolerate them,” which is only half true. My Future Mother-In-Law is wonderful and adores me (when she’s not dealing with mood swings from menopause!) but my Future Father-In-Law is a downright asshole. Treats Fiance like crap and is only sometimes nice to me. Here’s an example if what kind of guy my Future Father-In-Law is: first time meeting him, he refused to out of the car. YUP. Ugh. Maybe one day he’ll come around…
Post # 7
I would say yes. I think “love to interact” is a little strong though for the current moment.
My Future Father-In-Law does not speak english. I’m learning vietnamese but not quick enough to have a conversation anytime soon. I know how he was as a father for my Fiance growing up which wasn’t very good. Thus far, he hasn’t done or said anything negative to me so I have no issues with him. He seems tolerable. His new wife also does not speak english but you can tell she is very nice/gentle.
My Future Mother-In-Law is nice and hardworking. I admire her. She’s a bit cut off emotionally though so it’s still a little awkward at times for me though I can see she means well. I enjoy seeing her but I would be a little scared to be alone solo with her lol.
We live out of state from his family so we aren’t able to see them often. We do hope to move there in the next two years or so. I wouldn’t purposefully limit time from them if we had the ability to spend more time with them.
Post # 8
checkmate08: I have a pretty good relationship with my Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law. My Father-In-Law is the sweetest guy ever – no problems there! My Mother-In-Law can be… needy and possessive over how we spend our time (for example – gets mad that we have to see my family too on Christmas) but she’s super passive aggressive about it (refused to see us for the rest of their trip here so really she just punishes herself). She can be SUPER moody too but again – she’s never nasty or mean to us – will just go hide in a bedroom alone until she gets over it.
As for FI’s extended family, I LOVE them. I wish his aunt/uncle were my IL’s because they are FABULOUS. His cousins are so sweet and I love them also! We are super close.
I think it’s a little silly to say that people shouldnt marry someone because of their family… it’s not like youre living with their family too (hopefully). We see my parents 1-2 times every few months and his around the same. If there was some huge issue – we would all be fine.
Post # 9
I voted Yes, but with limited interaction. It took years to get here though. I refused to be the one to put my husband in the middle and make him choose. His mom eventually realized that I’m not a horrible person and I do truly love her son and we’ve mended fences….high fences, states apart, lol.
Post # 10
checkmate08: I’ve never understood the idea that you marry the family. No, I married my husband, not the people he is related to.
In my case, I hate my MIL; as in, I would dance on her grave if she died tomorrow. She has NPD and she is an evil, poisonous person who has made me physically and mentally ill, resulting in me losing my job, and being forced to quit my PhD which I’d worked incredibly hard for. We are both no contact with her. Just giving birth does not make her a mother: she has mentally and emotional abused my OH throughout his life and has not earned that title.
I like my Father-In-Law (he is also no contact with Mother-In-Law and absolutely hates her) and am in contact with him.
I’m about to cut contact with Brother-In-Law, and we also have no contact with OH’s aunt and uncle, and limited contact with his grandmother (mum’s mum). We’re in contact with FIL’s side, though.
I envy people who get on with their in-laws. I wish things were different.
Post # 11
I love my (future) inlaws. It’s not the most natural, easiest and most perfect relationship but it nearly is! And I know they love me too. Im like the best thing that ever happened to their son. For real.
Oh and I voted for the #2 answer. They live like 6 hours dive away so we only dee then a couple days at a time for like 3-4 times a year. That’s enough for now. I dont wanna be in each others fave all the time while we are establishing our ralationship and boundaries.
Post # 12
My Fiance is the one with in-law troubles! haha
On Christmas Eve (our 3rd Christmas with my family), my mother pulled me aside and said, “It’s not too late to call it off!” This was after a heated debate about Donald Trump. You would think he would know not to even mention Trump at a family Christmas…but no.
My parents spent years fervently trying to convince me to break-up with him, but they really have warmed up to the idea and now profess to love him as a son. And yet…comments like this still happen.
Post # 13
I never knew Father-In-Law, and Mother-In-Law was an ambulatory tragedy.
She was a vain, pretentious narcissist who believed that her only child was placed on earth to take care of her.
To this day Darling Husband has personality quirks that remain and resulted directly from his life with her. She died in 1987.
I lived with it because he is an amazing man, and I felt that his chance for a somewhat normal life was only if I stayed with him. We have made a life based on excellent communication, and I believe we are both grateful for that.
Post # 14
Coming from a small family, there is nothing I wanted more than to have an awesome relationship with my inlaws…unfortunately, that will never happen. My fiance has been married before and they don’t want him getting married again unless it is someone THEY choose (when I say “they”, I mean his mother and sister…his father is indifferent and is more or less the mother’s puppet) …they have made it clear to me since the day I met them that they will NEVER welcome me into the family. They have gone out of their way to be mean and hurtful to me and it has gotten so bad, my fiance hasn’t spoken to his mother in over 6 months. His sister has offered up an “apology” because my fiance told her unless she does, he won’t have any relationship with her either…I know it isn’t sincere which makes it awkward.
It breaks my heart when I see posts from girls complaining that their Future Mother-In-Law is a pain because she wants to go dress shopping, or be involved in planning the wedding and they don’t want her involved…I desperately wanted my Future Mother-In-Law to even just want to speak with me on the phone and she doesn’t. She doesn’t want ANYTHING to do with me. I thought early on, once she got to know me, she would at least accept me, but she hasn’t…I am no longer sad, I am resentful. On a positive note – since she and fiance aren’t speaking, I didn’t have to suffer through another uncomfortable holiday!
I wouldn’t not marry my fiance because of his family, unless he told me to suck it up and get over it, or was in denial (he has SEEN them go out of their way to be mean, hurtful and disrespectful) – that said, had I known early on how they would treat me, I am not sure we would have made it this far (family is really important to me)…as sad as it makes me, I try to remember I got a WONDERFUL guy and THAT is what matters, not his shitty family….ironically, this is the first and only family of a significant other that has not liked me – it NEVER in a million years would have occurred to me that I would be in this position
You can’t help how someone else’s family is going to behave or treat you, but you can have an expectation in terms of how your fiance/husband will respond to their treatment.
Post # 15
ABSOLUTELY DISLIKE THEM WITH A PASSION! I’ve never met more self-entitled, disrespectful, ignorant and absolutely crazy people in my life. They truly make me physically sick whenever I have to be around them. I do everything possible to avoid them.