(Closed) Poll: Do You Like Your In-Laws?

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do You Like Your In-Laws?

    Yes - I love to interact with them!

    Yes - But I limit how I often I interact with them.

    No - But I tolerate them.

    No - I stongly dislike (even hate) interacting with them, and do the best I can to avoid them.

  • Post # 76
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    View original reply
    checkmate08:  I clicked “Yes” but really I feel indifferent towards them. I come from a SUPER close family, and my DH says all the time how lucky he is that he married into a great, huge family. I don’t feel I got any new family when I married him. They are nice enough people, but they don’t really interact with us much. They are quiet, have no traditions and are VERY different from me (and now even my DH). It kinda sucks!

    Post # 77
    Member
    395 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Father-In-Law, Mother-In-Law, and SIL are all lovely. Mother-In-Law and I get along really well at this point, and I like spending time with her, but I think we’d get on each other’s nerves over extended periods, so I limit visits to 4-5 days maximum. I find Father-In-Law difficult to talk to, but it’s really just his personality, in that Fiance feels the same way about one-on-one conversations with Father-In-Law. SIL is disabled and struggles socially, but she loves me and we chat on the phone every week. 

    I think any more interaction than we currently have (1-2 times per week on the phone plus occasional visits) would get on my nerves because I’m an introvert and like my space. But I like my inlaws.

    Post # 78
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I voted No – strongly dislike.  I don’t ‘hate’ them because they aren’t worth that much effort.  FFIL is judgemental and a control freak alcoholic in denial.  FMIL is a negative two faced hypocondriac enabler.  FFIL has told Future Mother-In-Law he doesn’t love her anymore twice this year…but they are still pretending to the rest of the family that all is ‘perfect’.  I can’t respect anybody willing to live a lie.

    I’ve been married before and got on well with my ex ILs.  I was genuinely sorry when ex Mother-In-Law died, and I still miss her to this day.  I was hoping to have the same relationship with my Future In-Laws, but it’s not to be…

    Post # 79
    Member
    2500 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: County courthouse

    I love my fil and mil…but there are some sil I don’t like. 

    Post # 80
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    We all get along very well, I like them, they like me. That being said, my Fiance and I come from somewhat different families. I was raised by a literal strong independant woman who has very accepting and liberal views and a father who pretty much agrees with my mother (the coparented me pretty darn well, they were never a couple though). His family is a little more traditional and his parents have a bit more of asheltered view on things and while they are very nice to me, I have to bite my tongue with the offhanded rasist slurs and the like.

    Post # 81
    Member
    10527 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    View original reply
    checkmate08:  

    So how can you dislike the family if they made your DH who he is?

    Well OP, I hate  to sound patronising , but when you are engaged/married , maybe you will see how this is not only possible, but not that uncommon.

    Also   “if they made your DH who he is?”   Personalities are not a result of simple familial cloning/moulding; people have had many influences other than  family and may , in any case be partly who they are  because of reacting against bad   role modelling /upbringing.

     

    Post # 82
    Member
    271 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

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    checkmate08:  I voted strongly dislike & there was a time I hated them but hatred is very draining & toxic so I’ve worked very hard to get to a very strong dislike. My FI’s childhood is a horror story think of anything bad (drugs, alcohol, abuse, fighting, stealing, manipulation, neglect, abandonment etc) and you have his childhood. And his parents haven’t changed much sadly.

    His parents are the prime example of people who don’t deserve to be called Mom & Dad. I rarely see his mom (not really in FI’s life) & have cut contact with his father almost a year ago. I disagree that you marry into his family/become intertwined/are committing to them. Im marrying my Fiance and it stops at that. 

    To answer your questions: my in-laws are never going to live with us & we’re not going to take care of them under any circumstance. My Fiance has done more for them than anyone ever did (already helped in financial & illness related ways). 

    And my poor Fiance has serious issues due to his upbringing. Serious fears, missing parts of his childhood (understandably blocked), scars, & emotional problems to name a few. His situation molded him not his parents. Outside people were his role models & true care takers. I don’t worry he’ll turn into them because he does everything in his power to not be like them. (Works thru his issues, no addictions/abuse of anything, chooses love over hate, is mature, treats people right, works hard & accepts responsibility, takes care of his health)

    He has a great brother & SIL I can see us becoming closer. His aunts & uncles & cousins are decent people. Very nice & welcoming. (On his father’s side- my Fiance has no contact with anyone on his mother’s side)  

    Thankfully when we move I’ll have even less contact with the in-laws but it’s already very sparse so I do fine. I’ll be polite when I do have to see them (our wedding) but that’s it. On a happy note my Fiance calls my parents Mom & Dad and he’s really happy to be a part of my family & is considered a son 🙂  He deserved a loving family so I’m happy he finally got one!

    Post # 83
    Member
    1630 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I voted yes, I love to interact with them, which for the most part is true. I enjoy thier company most of the time, but I am a home body so generally speaking I still prefer being home to going out.

    Post # 84
    Member
    120 posts
    Blushing bee

    I love mine and I agree with you wholeheartedly OP. I’m a big family person and I would not /could not marry into a family I didn’t enjoy.  Imo thats just misery. I love big familiy events. He loves mine and I love his family too. 

    Post # 85
    Member
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I get along well with my fiance’s parents and siblings, but I am not super close with them.  I think it will change when we have kids. They are happy that we spend a lot of time with them since some of my family doesn’t live nearby and the other part can be hard to deal with. I truly feel like I am gaining a true family now. They treat me better than my mom and sisters do!

    Post # 86
    Member
    3058 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    checkmate08:  Fiance and I are both strong believers in the idea that you “marry the family.”  We both wanted to make sure that we not only liked, but loved each other’s family. We have been really blessed in that we love spending time with both sets of family!  In fact, we spend plenty of time with each other’s families on our own 🙂

    Post # 87
    Member
    1669 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

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    checkmate08:  i love my in-laws. Very approachable, loving and friendly. They also get along with my parents which means the world to me

    Post # 88
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2013

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    checkmate08 :  The dynamic can change after you get married or maybe the couple was living far away from their in-laws and didn’t know them very well. People often underestimate the impact that in-laws can have on a marriage and this beast doesn’t always rear it’s ugly head until well after the wedding.

    Post # 89
    Member
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2023

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    checkmate08 :  Probably because we don’t feel the way you do. I don’t believe I have to like his family to marry him and his family will never be my family. 

    Post # 90
    Member
    111 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    checkmate08 :  I’m getting married for the second time. I love my future in-laws. They are great people and I feel accepted by them. I also get along very well with my former in laws. However, my relationship wasn’t always great with my former in laws. We’ve mended fences and they’re still my family. 

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