- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
Father-In-Law, Mother-In-Law, and SIL are all lovely. Mother-In-Law and I get along really well at this point, and I like spending time with her, but I think we’d get on each other’s nerves over extended periods, so I limit visits to 4-5 days maximum. I find Father-In-Law difficult to talk to, but it’s really just his personality, in that Fiance feels the same way about one-on-one conversations with Father-In-Law. SIL is disabled and struggles socially, but she loves me and we chat on the phone every week.
I think any more interaction than we currently have (1-2 times per week on the phone plus occasional visits) would get on my nerves because I’m an introvert and like my space. But I like my inlaws.
I voted No – strongly dislike. I don’t ‘hate’ them because they aren’t worth that much effort. FFIL is judgemental and a control freak alcoholic in denial. FMIL is a negative two faced hypocondriac enabler. FFIL has told Future Mother-In-Law he doesn’t love her anymore twice this year…but they are still pretending to the rest of the family that all is ‘perfect’. I can’t respect anybody willing to live a lie.
I’ve been married before and got on well with my ex ILs. I was genuinely sorry when ex Mother-In-Law died, and I still miss her to this day. I was hoping to have the same relationship with my Future In-Laws, but it’s not to be…
I love my fil and mil…but there are some sil I don’t like.
We all get along very well, I like them, they like me. That being said, my Fiance and I come from somewhat different families. I was raised by a literal strong independant woman who has very accepting and liberal views and a father who pretty much agrees with my mother (the coparented me pretty darn well, they were never a couple though). His family is a little more traditional and his parents have a bit more of asheltered view on things and while they are very nice to me, I have to bite my tongue with the offhanded rasist slurs and the like.
So how can you dislike the family if they made your DH who he is?
Well OP, I hate to sound patronising , but when you are engaged/married , maybe you will see how this is not only possible, but not that uncommon.
Also “if they made your DH who he is?” Personalities are not a result of simple familial cloning/moulding; people have had many influences other than family and may , in any case be partly who they are because of reacting against bad role modelling /upbringing.
His parents are the prime example of people who don’t deserve to be called Mom & Dad. I rarely see his mom (not really in FI’s life) & have cut contact with his father almost a year ago. I disagree that you marry into his family/become intertwined/are committing to them. Im marrying my Fiance and it stops at that.
To answer your questions: my in-laws are never going to live with us & we’re not going to take care of them under any circumstance. My Fiance has done more for them than anyone ever did (already helped in financial & illness related ways).
And my poor Fiance has serious issues due to his upbringing. Serious fears, missing parts of his childhood (understandably blocked), scars, & emotional problems to name a few. His situation molded him not his parents. Outside people were his role models & true care takers. I don’t worry he’ll turn into them because he does everything in his power to not be like them. (Works thru his issues, no addictions/abuse of anything, chooses love over hate, is mature, treats people right, works hard & accepts responsibility, takes care of his health)
He has a great brother & SIL I can see us becoming closer. His aunts & uncles & cousins are decent people. Very nice & welcoming. (On his father’s side- my Fiance has no contact with anyone on his mother’s side)
Thankfully when we move I’ll have even less contact with the in-laws but it’s already very sparse so I do fine. I’ll be polite when I do have to see them (our wedding) but that’s it. On a happy note my Fiance calls my parents Mom & Dad and he’s really happy to be a part of my family & is considered a son 🙂 He deserved a loving family so I’m happy he finally got one!
I voted yes, I love to interact with them, which for the most part is true. I enjoy thier company most of the time, but I am a home body so generally speaking I still prefer being home to going out.
I love mine and I agree with you wholeheartedly OP. I’m a big family person and I would not /could not marry into a family I didn’t enjoy. Imo thats just misery. I love big familiy events. He loves mine and I love his family too.
I get along well with my fiance’s parents and siblings, but I am not super close with them. I think it will change when we have kids. They are happy that we spend a lot of time with them since some of my family doesn’t live nearby and the other part can be hard to deal with. I truly feel like I am gaining a true family now. They treat me better than my mom and sisters do!
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