Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2017 - St.Matthews Church, Hants, UK
We started the family christmas visits with SO’s step-sibling last weekend. They continue through to the second weekend in January at the moment – you can do what you want.
If she’s being a pain maybe both just refuse to discuss it at all – a united front of silence? That’s normally my approach when we’ve made a decision we believe is fair.
Post # 17
So does your Mother-In-Law realize that you have your own family and parents too? Sounds like something my Mother-In-Law would do too 😒. I say arrive when you want and if they have a problem with it then tell them since it is not “Christmas” anymore for them then why bother visiting at all.
Edit: btw in Germany, where I am from we celebrate on the 24th and the 25th is called 1st Christmas Day and the 26th the 2nd Christmas Day. Not sure why, but technically it IS Christmas, at least where I am from;)
Post # 18
So, I hate to play devil’s advocate here but if I’m understanding your Mother-In-Law right, I can relate. I place a lot of importance on being with my mother on 12/25. There’s no real reason for it but I
‘m not willing to compromise. Maybe your MIL feels the same way about being with her kid(s) on that day? If that’s her reasoning, is there any way you can alternate whose parents you stay with on 12/25 each year? I find that fairness is always the way to go with splitting time between families. Of course stuff like this changes with people who work on Christmas but since both my mom and I work “business” schedules, we will always be together and it means a lot to us. I will say that my Fiance often works on holidays and the holidays don’t mean much to him anyway so he doesn’t care what we/I do. He celebrates holidays with his parents the week before/after usually.
Post # 19
My mom is kinda the same way. As hispanics, it is custom to open gifts at 12AM Christmas day. in the past I would be with my dad at midnight then drive to my mom’s place as soon as all the hubbub ended (around 4am).. I did that several years and now this year, I’m going to my in laws, and she is all bitter about it saying I’ve *never* spent a Christmas with her… a total lie but to her, anything after midnight is no longer really Christmas. some people are control freaks.. you can’t always let them win
Post # 20
BeachBee1988: If you are expecting them to celebrate Christmas exactly the same way they would on the holiday, then it’s your expectations that might have to be adjusted. She’d certainly be within her rights to treat it like the day after Christmas, which it is. But it sounds as if she’s just incensed you won’t be there on the actual holiday.
She’ll just have to understand that you have a family, too, and that even beyond that, you will ultimately be making some of your own traditions. She’s not going to get you every year. Darling Husband needs to draw the lines.
Post # 21
I guess one upside to being REALLY far away from family is that there is ZERO chance that we do Christmas visits in the same year. They see us every other Christmas, at most.
Post # 22
I have always celebrated Christmas over 2 days – actual Christmas day with one side and Boxing Day with the other.
I think your Mother-In-Law is being unreasonable and she needs to understand your Darling Husband has other family now too.
I think people throw temper tantrums don’t deserve visits at all.
Post # 23
BeachBee1988: She’s crazy haha. We’re celebrating Christmas this weekend the 11th and 12th with my family because my mom can’t take her vacation the week of Christmas. We’ll be at FI’s family’s house the 24th and 25th. I love not having to balance two families in one day. And early presents! Haha 😜
Post # 24
weddingmaven: I have absolutely zero expectations other than to show up, smile, and not be chastised. I don’t care if we eat pizza in sweatpants — I certainly do not anticipate that she’ll halt any Christmas plans until our arrival. I just find it unreasonable to flip a shit on your child over 12 hours difference.
ETA: sorry if that sounded snippy. I’m annoyed, but not at you!! 🙂 thats why it’s so frustrating. We literally don’t want her to DO anything. Just be happy that we’re visiting.
Post # 25
For years, my family celebrated Thanksgiving the friday after Thanksgiving. This year, becuase FI’s kids were with their mom, we celebrated Thanksgiving with them on Wednesday. My parents live 2000 miles away but will be here for Christmas. We are celebrating with my sister and her husband on the 23 becuase they are going to be with his family.
The date doesn’t matter. What matters is making time to spend with your family. I don’t understand why people get all hung up on the date.
Don’t let your Mother-In-Law get to you. Perhaps, you can offer not going at all as an alternative.
Post # 26
BeachBee1988: I soooooooo don’t miss having to split Christmas up with different groups. Did that in my younger years and it’s exhausting! Families need to chill and realize their kids have their own families going now. I voted celebrate when you want and when you can!
Post # 27
BeachBee1988: If my family and in-laws felt that way, we’d be screwed. Both of our parents are divorced so we have 4 locations to visit for Christmas. This year we’re doing 2 places on Christmas Eve and 2 places on Christmas Day (one for lunch, one for dinner both days). My mom always gets Christmas Eve lunch because that’s the only day/time that works for all the kids and grandkids. The other time slots are open for whoever calls dibs first. Luckily everyone is pretty easy going and it all works out just fine.
ETA: I do think that they’d get upset if it wasn’t on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day though.
Post # 28
BeachBee1988: Christmas is just a day to celebrate, so celebrate when you can!! We did Christmas on Thanksgiving because that is when my parents were visiting (they live in AZ we live in IA). I probably wont see them until we visit in the late Spring. My Dear Daughter is with her father every other Christmas, so we have to be a little flexible with the day.
Post # 29
I voted Christmas eve/day because I disagree that a Christmas visit is before then. However, anything up to the 6th of January counts for me! 12 days of Christmas! Epiphany! Woo! 🙂
Post # 30
BeachBee1988: I totally get the frustrating interactions. My family, spending the holiday together requires being there on the holiday, but that also comes with the knowledge that some years we won’t be together. Darling Husband and I live in a major city with no car and both of our parents are more than a 4 hour drive away and 10 hours apart. It’s a lot of hassle to visit for the holidays as is — there’s no way we’d manage to see both sides in one week. I think you guys are trying to make it all work, for her to be so unwilling to understand your situation is aggravating.
That being said, my Father-In-Law really struggled with us spending Thanksgiving with my parents. It was the first time his son didn’t come home for the holiday, and while he understood that things change when we get married, he was really grumbly about it. Marriage is a hard transition for some parents, so while your Mother-In-Law behavior is completely unokay, it might be a part of how she’s processing this major life change.