Post # 1
Hive, what number marriage are you in, or about to dive into?
I have a charming aunt who divorced and outlived 5 husbands. I was the flowergirl in her 5th wedding. She was very good at falling in love. She could bottle and sell optimism and persistence.
For first timers, did you do any pre-marital or couples’ counseling? Anything to lay a foundation for when life gets tough?
For 2nd and 3rd timers, do you feel more pressure to make it work? Is the higher divorce rate for 2nd marriages in the back of your mind? Perhaps there is less pressure, as you’ve been divorced once and realized it wasn’t the End of All Things?
Post # 2
Headed in to #2. #1 was a great learning experience, we were 19, totally unprepared for marriage, and pregnant. I’ve been divorced for over a decade. I feel like this time is what my first marriage would have been like if I had let myself grow up first. Like it would have taken me this long to really figure out what I want anyway, so I’m cool with being 35 and divorced and remarrying. I feel like this time it’s right and real and I’m making a reallly good decision.
And I totally believe in finding love even if it takes you a few tries… ExMIL is on her 6th husband and he is AMAZING. He is totally grandpa to my kids, and a doting husband, and they are the cutest couple ever and I’m so happy for them and view them as an inspiration for how I would like my marriage to be. And they’ve been through hell and are figuring it out together every day.
I struggle on the Bee pretty often because it’s filled with 22 year olds who think they know everything about the world and say that all subsequent marriages are doomed and that they would never divorce and how life ends at 30. I just roll my walker on outta that BS, shake my head (full of grey hair, obvs), and smile…
Post # 3
First = I was too young (19), dumb, thought I was in love. He was 7 years older, looked great on paper, but was an alcoholic-drug-using-abusive son of a bitch. Stayed 5 years too long.
Second = We were a great match. Made 2 great babies. He became mentally ill and we separated. Eventually (7 years later) he officially sought divorce, as a mercy to me. I’d still be married to him today but….wasn’t meant to be.
Third and final = The greatest love of my life. The Gift I am most undeserving of. He worships me and loves me in a way that is indescribable. I truly love him like I’ve loved no other. Our marital relationship is effortless. We are compatible in every way and best friends. The blended family aspect with our kids raises some issues and I can easily see why 2nd or 3rd marriages have the bad rap they do, especially when kids are involved. Something really, REALLY massive would have to occur to separate us, before death parts us. I don’t feel any additional pressures or leisures because it’s a 3rd marriage, only joy, but sometimes fear also…because it’s so good, and I know the pain of bad things happening, I don’t ever want it to end. This is it.
Post # 4
First time, hopefully only. No, no couples counseling to build a framework. We have known each other for years and have been there for each other before dating, when things were tough while dating we already had the tools to push through it together. We both have divorced parents who have remarried. That, in its own way, helps. We have seen how it has failed for others, affiars, lack of communication, getting married too soon, ect. Although far from perfect, we have learned from the experience of others.
Post # 5
Planning for my first and only. We’ve been a couple for almost 11 years now, and life didn’t wait for vows to get tough. If I can’t stay married to him, I can’t stay married to anyone.
Post # 6
desertgypsy : ***you have just entered the twilight zone*** We are like some kind of wierd weddingbee soul sisters or some shit, lol. Both having handfasting ceremonies, both chose rose gold wedding bands, both basically the same age (I’m 34 but will be 35 by my wedding), and both going into our second marriages.
Post # 7
First. We’re both 26.
But been together almost 9 years and have been through a miscarriage, a cervical cancer scare, job loss and bought a house together and are genuinely happier than we have ever been. We are so excited for our next chapter and are both dying to TTC.
4 months to go 🙂
Post # 8
This is the first (and hopefully only!) marriage for both of us. We didn’t do any premarital counseling but we did date for 8 years before getting married so I feel like we have a pretty solid foundation 🙂
Post # 9
This is going to sound strange, but I LOVE being a 2nd timer. I wouldn’t recommend it, but I learned so much about who I am and what I want. Anyway, I just got married 6 months ago after 4 years of living together and I love my husband to pieces 😍 Note: I wouldn’t be saying the same if there were kids or high drama involved. It was a clean break… we shouldn’t have married to begin with.
Post # 10
nykkee : Yessss! We must have good taste
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek
Although I haven’t been married, I was engaged before (but never actually planned the wedding, thank goodness!). We had started dating at 15, got engaged at 19, and broke up at 23. I learned a lot about life, love, and creating your own happiness from that relationship, so I don’t regret it at all, but I am thankful that we didn’t get married because I think if we had, I would’ve suffered a lot longer–maybe years–to try to save our marriage. Now I’m with the man I feel like I’ve always been meant to be with, and we’re getting married next summer when I’m 29 and he’s 30.
Post # 12
First, married 7 months but have been together nearly 10 years, lived together for 4.
We both believe divorce to be the absolute final option (if one of us cheated, abused the other etc) but my parents are currently in the middle of divorcing after 30 years so while I’m confident now I know things can change over time I just really hope it doesn’t happen to us!
Post # 13
About to get married for the first time in just under 3 weeks. We’ve been together for almost 6 years, have experienced many trying times in life together but always seem to come out the other side stronger. If we ever did divorce, I would not get married again.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
First marriage. Met when we were 22 and 24, got married when we were 27 and 29, now we are 28 and 30…and expecting baby #1 in March. We didn’t do any premarital counseling, but experienced a major rough patch early on on the marriage that did require some serious ‘work’ to keep us from falling apart. We are recovering now. We still have a little ways to go, but I feel confident now we are going to make it.
If we did divorce, I can honestly say I WOULD marry again! If Darling Husband died, a second marriage would depend on my age (if that makes any sense). If we were in our 70’s I wouldn’t see the point in re-entering the dating scene and going through the process of finding another spouse. If we were in our 40’s I’d be open to it after a reasonable grieving period.
Post # 15
This is my first marriage. No, we did not do any marital counseling prior to marriage.