POLL – Not telling family until 12 wks & the waitress BLEW my cover >:(

posted 3 weeks ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: When to tell?
    8 weeks - tell both families & suffer consequences when they tell the rest of the world : (11 votes)
    11 %
    8 weeks - tell your family so your mom can do damage control with your MIL : (2 votes)
    2 %
    10 weeks - hold out for 2 more weeks & plus this buys you a little more time : (5 votes)
    5 %
    12 weeks - keep original plan & don't tell any family until then : (78 votes)
    81 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    Buy some.coolers or empty out a beer and refill it with something non alcoholic and drink it the next time when she comes by. Stupid waitress I would have been pissed!

    Post # 4
    Member
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    acw2016 :  yes, exactly. It’ll work. and congrats!!

    Post # 5
    Member
    3865 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I wouldn’t tell until you’re ready, and while i get it’s annoying, just let her obsess. It’s a few days and tbh coming up with a bunch of elaborate contradicting stories will seem just as odd. She’s on to you unfortunately, so i doubt anything you do will throw her.

    Post # 6
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee

    It seems like they already know. I would just tell both of them and ask that they respect your wishes and keep it to themselves. If they keep assuming and keep talking about it with other people, it may just spread around more and more. Keep it contained to who knows at the moment. Yes, it is annoying that they could blab about it, but better to express your feelings about it. Whether it’s because you just like your privacy or because you want to wait until your first trimester is finish, hopefully they respect you enough to keep it to themselves. And I wouldn’t just tell your mom, it may make your Mother-In-Law upset that you didn’t tell her too.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1619 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    acw2016 : congrats!  i’d personally let them stew until 12 weeks.  They will still be happy and excited when you announce.  

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    3031 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    acw2016 :  oh my goodness this happened to me last pregnancy as well! We were out to eat with friends for a big birthday celebration and I stepped away to ask for a virgin paloma… aka grapefruit and lime juice. The waitress brought it back and said loudly, “you’re the first person I’ve ever had order a virgin one!” I was so mad but I said nothing and we just announced several weeks later to confirm suspicions. I would wait and do the same since you have good reason to wait!

    Post # 9
    Hostess
    6843 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2019

    I would be inclined to say to her “If and when we have news and feel it is appropriate to tell, we will tell you’. End of. So rude of her and how stupid of the waitress!

    Post # 10
    Member
    469 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I don’t think it’s fair to blame the server, who was three degrees removed from your request for secrecy. You had the bartender run this recon mission to see where you were seated and he undoubtedly stressed to the servers that the drink needed to go to a specific person. The server wanted to be sure you knew that you had gotten what you ordered and wasn’t necessarily told it was a secret. Before my friends started having babies, it would not have necessarily clicked for me right away that a mocktail = secretly pregnant. People skip booze for all sorts of reasons, including your more plausible cover of medication. What’s done is done but it sure seems like you made this unnecessarily complicated, OP. “Sounds delicious, but I don’t feel like drinking tonight” is more than enough of an explanation. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    885 posts
    Busy bee

    If I were you I’d be so annoyed how my mil was digging for info and staring at my every move that I would want to wait even longer to tell her or not tell her at all. It would really wear on my nerves that she was being so intense about it. Because obviously she knows that when you want to announce it you will, her digging for details and info is super disrespectful of your obvious choice to not announce yet. I’d put her in a time out and not see her as much until I announced. I’d also tell her last lol. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    10675 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Even if she had suspicions she should have kept her mouth shut. I think your mother in law’s behavior shows you are doing the right thing. I’d stick with the plan.

    Post # 14
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee

    Idk why it’s such a big deal to tell them. Just tell them not to tell anyone else? She’s onto you so I don’t think anything you do is going to throw her off lol

    Post # 15
    Member
    5840 posts
    Bee Keeper

    acw2016 :  your Mother-In-Law is being a bitch quite frankly. You told her other plausable reasons for skipping alcohol and she won’t let it go because she feels entitled. I would honestly just refuse to see her again until you’re ready to share your news. And maybe do a private thanksgiving just you and hubby..

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