Post # 1
I’m currently 7 and 1/2 weeks pregnant. We have our first ultrasound appointment this Wednesday (I’ll be 7w6d) and we are going to hear the heartbeat. The plan is to tell my family, my husband’s family (& the rest of the world) at 12 weeks, which will be right before Christmas. The reason I’m not telling my family early is because I know my mom would get too excited & she’d probably accidentally share the info with people, & I know for a fact that my Mother-In-Law is a loud mouth & will deliberately tell people. So to keep the peace & sanity for a little longer, we decided we will wait to tell anyone.
Tonight we went to dinner for my MIL’s birthday. She’s been raving about this vodka/basil drink at this restaurant for weeks, telling me she’s excited for me to try it (bc I drink on occassion, but not a lot). We get to the restaurant & I go discretely to the bar & explained my situation to the bartender, saying “I’m pregnant, none of my family members know yet, wanna keep it that way, here’s the name of the drink ______, bring one alcoholic & one non-alcoholic.” He even did a drive-by at our table to make sure he knew where I was sitting. The waitress serving us took our drink orders, then a different waitress showed up to deliver the drinks & announces “AND HERE IS THE VIRGIN DRINK FOR YOU” >:(((
My MIL’s face lit up & she was like, “what???” My parents were there too & my mom just acted like she didn’t hear the waitress say the drink was a virgin. It was super awkward. I kept a straight face & whispered to my Mother-In-Law, “I’m on a new thyroid medication & I can’t drink while I’m on it. I didn’t want to freak my mom out about it.” Which was a well-calculated lie bc I had minor thyroid issues in high school & my Mother-In-Law knew about it. She said, “Are you suuuure? Bc I’ve been WAITING for the day that you refuse alcohol… I just don’t know…”
I used the restroom twice during dinner & my husband told me that during my last trip to the restroom, both my mom & Mother-In-Law were commenting on how I’m using the restroom a lot. My Mother-In-Law said, “For not drinking alcohol, she sure is going to the bathroom a lot.” Which makes no sense bc twice in 2.5 hours isn’t really that much in my opinion AND you can use the restroom for other reasons like drinking water. We also went shopping this morning & I used the restroom twice at the mall & my Mother-In-Law also said that makes her suspicious. My husband did his best to brush it off & say, “She’s using the restroom just as much as she always does, who cares.”
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell my in-laws this early. They will tell everyone & I don’t want that. My Mother-In-Law is all up in my business & I see her frequently. Now she will be studying my every move including counting restroom breaks apparently. I could tell my side of the family so my mom can do some damage control to shut my Mother-In-Law up… They’re good friends so I know my Mother-In-Law will be talking to my mom about it. But I just don’t know… Help me 🙁
Post # 2
Buy some.coolers or empty out a beer and refill it with something non alcoholic and drink it the next time when she comes by. Stupid waitress I would have been pissed!
Post # 3
lifeisbeeutiful : That’s a great idea! Especially considering I’ll be at my in-law’s house with other company for Thanksgiving this week. Do you think it would work even though I already told my MIL I can’t drink bc of my new thyroid medication? I could say it was a short dose of meds for a few weeks & I‘m done now so I can fake drink at Thanksgiving.
Post # 4
acw2016 : yes, exactly. It’ll work. and congrats!!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t tell until you’re ready, and while i get it’s annoying, just let her obsess. It’s a few days and tbh coming up with a bunch of elaborate contradicting stories will seem just as odd. She’s on to you unfortunately, so i doubt anything you do will throw her.
Post # 6
It seems like they already know. I would just tell both of them and ask that they respect your wishes and keep it to themselves. If they keep assuming and keep talking about it with other people, it may just spread around more and more. Keep it contained to who knows at the moment. Yes, it is annoying that they could blab about it, but better to express your feelings about it. Whether it’s because you just like your privacy or because you want to wait until your first trimester is finish, hopefully they respect you enough to keep it to themselves. And I wouldn’t just tell your mom, it may make your Mother-In-Law upset that you didn’t tell her too.
Post # 7
acw2016 : congrats! i’d personally let them stew until 12 weeks. They will still be happy and excited when you announce.
Post # 8
acw2016 : oh my goodness this happened to me last pregnancy as well! We were out to eat with friends for a big birthday celebration and I stepped away to ask for a virgin paloma… aka grapefruit and lime juice. The waitress brought it back and said loudly, “you’re the first person I’ve ever had order a virgin one!” I was so mad but I said nothing and we just announced several weeks later to confirm suspicions. I would wait and do the same since you have good reason to wait!
Post # 9
I would be inclined to say to her “If and when we have news and feel it is appropriate to tell, we will tell you’. End of. So rude of her and how stupid of the waitress!
Post # 10
I don’t think it’s fair to blame the server, who was three degrees removed from your request for secrecy. You had the bartender run this recon mission to see where you were seated and he undoubtedly stressed to the servers that the drink needed to go to a specific person. The server wanted to be sure you knew that you had gotten what you ordered and wasn’t necessarily told it was a secret. Before my friends started having babies, it would not have necessarily clicked for me right away that a mocktail = secretly pregnant. People skip booze for all sorts of reasons, including your more plausible cover of medication. What’s done is done but it sure seems like you made this unnecessarily complicated, OP. “Sounds delicious, but I don’t feel like drinking tonight” is more than enough of an explanation.
Post # 11
If I were you I’d be so annoyed how my mil was digging for info and staring at my every move that I would want to wait even longer to tell her or not tell her at all. It would really wear on my nerves that she was being so intense about it. Because obviously she knows that when you want to announce it you will, her digging for details and info is super disrespectful of your obvious choice to not announce yet. I’d put her in a time out and not see her as much until I announced. I’d also tell her last lol.
Post # 12
Even if she had suspicions she should have kept her mouth shut. I think your mother in law’s behavior shows you are doing the right thing. I’d stick with the plan.
Post # 13
MsBeer : weddingmaven : ladyjane123 : The plan is basically to tell her last bc of her big mouth. I want to be able to share my own exciting news with my friends & family. The plan is to tell her & then we are going to the family Christmas party where I’ll tell everyone else. Then post it on Facebook for my other friends that same night! She is definitely the prying type so other than thanksgiving this week, I’m going to distance myself from her as much as possible.
glitterati : Unfortunately I didn’t mean for it to be so complicated. Friends & family members have gotten Virgin drinks & the wait staff didn’t say anything. Looking back I obviously wish I said I wasn’t in the mood to drink but oh well!
carolinabelle : Oh no! Haha! I’m glad you waited it out until you wanted to announce!!
Post # 14
Idk why it’s such a big deal to tell them. Just tell them not to tell anyone else? She’s onto you so I don’t think anything you do is going to throw her off lol
Post # 15
acw2016 : your Mother-In-Law is being a bitch quite frankly. You told her other plausable reasons for skipping alcohol and she won’t let it go because she feels entitled. I would honestly just refuse to see her again until you’re ready to share your news. And maybe do a private thanksgiving just you and hubby..