POLL – Not telling family until 12 wks & the waitress BLEW my cover >:(

posted 6 months ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: When to tell?
    8 weeks - tell both families & suffer consequences when they tell the rest of the world : (11 votes)
    11 %
    8 weeks - tell your family so your mom can do damage control with your MIL : (2 votes)
    2 %
    10 weeks - hold out for 2 more weeks & plus this buys you a little more time : (5 votes)
    5 %
    12 weeks - keep original plan & don't tell any family until then : (79 votes)
    81 %
  • Post # 31
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I would be furious. I can’t stand it when people are so desperate for a grandchild that their children and children-in-law become incubators. You’re a person and you wanted privacy, and your Mother-In-Law is deliberately pressuring you. Don’t tell them. Keep to the plan that you want for your announcement.

    I don’t know that I’d fake drink. I think that could get difficult fast if someone passes you a drink or brings you one and you’d constantly be having to dump out bottles and refill them. Instead, I would have your husband mention offhandedly to his mom that your new medication seems to be working. You could even take a sugar pill in front of them if you wanted. However, keep in mind, you’re going through a lot of trouble to play-act something, when you could just say that you’ve stopped drinking for other reasons (religion, weight loss, health, or you just don’t feel like it). 

    Post # 32
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I read your previous post and if you are uncomfortable with lying then give her a vague answer while pointing out how insensitive she’s treating you… like:

    ”We already had this conversation and I still stand by with what I said (eg. Her being the last to know because of her big mouth…  though you don’t have to say that’s what you are referring to).  I would appreciate it if you stop analyzing my every move as if my sole purpose now is to become a baby incubator. “

    Hopefully that will keep her quiet for a while.  

    Post # 36
    5648 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Your baby announcement idea sounds like a great way to share your good news. I wouldn’t talk with her about it anymore- just the way someone would do if they weren’t pregnant. No more explanations or subterfuge, just “No” and go back to what you were doing. She can keep looking for (and finding) clues.

    Post # 37
    93 posts
    Worker bee

    First and foremost, congrats bee! I would be so pissed at the waitress. This is your pregnancy. Only tell people on your terms and when you are ready to. BearBear47 had excellent suggestions for when she begins to over analyze your every move. I wish you the best of luck and please keep us posted! 

    Post # 38
    2441 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think denying it now is silly. They already know. It might cause more issues down the line if you just keep saying no or fake drink and then two weeks later say “just kidding, I’m actually pregnant!” seems weird. I don’t think that you should be forced to tell them.if you are not ready but I also think they already know, so what’s the point in trying to keep second guessing what you are doing to hide it from them at this point? Just tell them and tell them not to tell anyone. 

    Post # 39
    1775 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I get it, but this is about you and your husband not his mom or your mom. She lost the privilege to important info when she violated your trust. Telling everyone at the party isn’t talking anything from them as this baby is about you not them. If you have to take their phones away than you shouldn’t be telling them before the party. That’s insane to try to babysit your mil to not spill your news. Her actions have consequences and you will have to put up boundaries sooner or later. Good luck with her 

    acw2016 :  

    Post # 40
    1476 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    If I were you I would tell mother in law last just to prove a point.  Tell my mother now because thank you for having some tact. If my mother in law acts hurt later I’d be like what’s the problem you were acting like you already knew, so I thought I didn’t need to tell. 

    Post # 41
    569 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

    acw2016 :  should have stashed tampons in your purse and accidentally dropped one. Ha

    I visited my family from 5w to 7.5w with this pregnancy. No one suspected a thing because I’m a teetotaler and go to bed super early anyway. It worked out, as soon as I got home, I got hit with awful morning sickness.

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