POLL: Paternity Testing?

posted 3 months ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What would you do if your partner requested a paternity test?

    Grant the test, end the relationship

    Grant the test, continue the relationship as normal

    Grant the test, insist upon relationship counseling

    Not grant the test, thus ending the relationship

  • Post # 91
    Member
    7866 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

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    emilyofnewmoon :  Even medical tests (like the genetics test) that are recommended shortly after birth can be opted out of if the parents don’t want to do it.

    That’s exactly how a pp said it could be set up?

    Post # 92
    Bee
    5201 posts
    Bee Keeper

    This whole idea sounds like it’s been concocted out of a bunch of angry little men’s fantasies. Men who are convinced that women are always putting something over them. Coincidentally they can’t seem to find a mate, which makes them even angrier at women. They can make this misogynist law viable as soon as they develop at test that determines whether a man has cheated or not.

    If my husband insisted on a test I’d do it and then I’d get the sharkiest lawyer I could. Fortunately my husband is not a moron and he could see the resemblance between himself and our children even as newborns – especially our daughter. I used to tell him he could never deny parentage of that baby, one look and people would know. 

    Post # 93
    Member
    91 posts
    Worker bee

    Paternity is either a personal issue, or a legal one. It is not a medical issue.

    If paternity tests were mandated (or optional)  as part of pre-natal testing, a healthcare professional could not share the result with the partner of the pregnant person without consent, as this would violate confidentiality. The pregnant person is the patient, and thus the results of any tests performed during pregnancy or birth are private medical information. 

    If someone is concerned about paternity, they can have a private test done after the birth of the child, or during with the consent of the pregnant person. It is not appropriate for this to be done as standard as part of pre-natal care.

    Post # 94
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

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    happiekrappie :  Oh boy! I really am not firmly for mandatory testing or against it, My original comment was just a reply to saying it could be done, I don’t know all the facts about it, I haven’t considered all the angles and I’m certainly not an expert, it was more speculation about the technology in the future. Sometimes I wish we could just discuss on here without everything turning into an argument lol. 

    My only firm opinion is that right now if tests are wanted they should be given and if they are refused (by the mother) then it could be legally assumed the man isn’t the father. And if he isn’t the father he shouldn’t have legal responsibilities. I know some people say that this will be worse for the child, and that’s true, but at the same time how on earth is it right that the man can be tricked and defrauded and then the woman who does it hides behind her child to get away with it? When she was really doing it for her own good and if it was about the child she never would have acted that way in the 1st place.

    The thing I had the problem with in the other commenters argument, was that she seemed to be implying that tests could never be given, because there was always a chance the woman taking them could be in an abusive situation, because we can never completely know if someone’s in an abusive situation. So it was for the good of the mother and child that they not be taken and too bad for the man.That sounds like a sexist excuse to me tbh. 

    Post # 95
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

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    sunburn :   But what about in a situation where the relationship isn’t stable? Or from a casual fling with someone your not in a Ltr relationship with? I know that wasn’t OPs question, but is testing wrong in that circumstance?

    Post # 96
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

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    jellybellynelly :  Wow you must be the only other bee who doesn’t see this as an insult to their virtue or some such thing. I’m not even firmly in favour of it, but I don’t see what everyone is so angry about?

    Its like there’s this simple test, which can confirm to the father he is the father even if he isn’t doubting it, and end all other possibilities in the case of separation under the law, which definitely makes things simpler legally in the future if it is disputed and the very idea sends some bees into a tizzy! Personally if it was normal I wouldn’t have a problem taking it, tho right now of course it would be weird and insulting.

    Not every relationship is stable, I don’t see the big deal about at least offering the test in hospital, although I admit I don’t know anything about the cost.

    Post # 97
    Member
    3571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

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    Brideordie :  I have a big issue with the idea that if the woman refuses the test the partner loses their parental rights.

    ive already given lots of examples where the paternity of the child is well known and where the test would be pointless waste of money … why should the partner thenlose their parental rights. 

    Post # 98
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

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    Twizbe :  Perhaps I didn’t make it clear. I wasn’t talking about the hypothetical scenario where the tests were mandatory, but this situation where the partner requests a test and she won’t take it.

    I guess In the hypothetical everyone gets a test scenario the same would apply, if neither of them wanted it fine, but if the father did and the mother refused then he could forfeit legal responsibility.

    I am not talking about those consensual sitatuions where the father/donor is known before hand to be a willing donor. 

    Hope that clears it up.

    Post # 99
    Member
    3571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    On principle I’d refuse the test. My children are most definiately my husband’s children (even though they look nothing like him… it’s all me lol) luckily we’re married so he is their legal as well as biological father. Unless he has to also take some sort of test that proves he’s never cheated on me then why should I consent to a paternity test? 

    Post # 100
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

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    Twizbe :  Because there is a legal consequence to having children beyond simply being cheated on. It’s not just about being cheated on, it’s about being lied and forced to live a lie about being a biological parent to your own children by the partner who supposedly loves you. And there’s the child support factor. Obviously that can only happen to him and not to you. There is no comparison of a test we could take that would be equal to this since we will always know who our biological children are. That shouldn’t be hard to understand.

    You don’t have to like it, or stay with him if he requests it, but if you don’t do it, why? Because there would be some small amount of amoral women who will lie about it, ones who want to keep a particular man and not the actual bio father around, or ones who want to collect on child support when they get pregnant in a rocky marriage from an affair. Why should their men be forced to support their poor choices? It’s just wrong.

    And don’t say for the children, because they should of thought of the children beforehand, instead of just thinking of themselves and now hiding behind their children.

    Post # 101
    Member
    296 posts
    Helper bee

    I would probably start laughing hysterically because our son is literally a tiny version of my husband. 

    Post # 102
    Member
    3571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

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    Brideordie :  ok I’ll play.

    for me personally – I’d refuse because if my husband decides he suddenly doesn’t believe he is our kids father that is his issue not mine. I know they are his and of my word isn’t enough then we have some serious problems. I don’t have to ‘prove’ anything to him. If he then decides to turn round and deny his children then I’m going to think he is a massive cock and the kids are better off without that example of toxic masculinity. 

    In general – if a man wants a test, he can organise it, request it, pay for it, but can’t assume he isn’t the father just because the mother doesn’t want to pay for the mistakes / sins whatever of other women. 

    a hospital / delivery room / medical profession should not be involved in this. That is not their job

    all women shouldn’t be punished for a very small minority who do something that isn’t right morally (I agree with you that it is wrong to trick a man into fatherhood) 

    Post # 103
    Member
    737 posts
    Busy bee

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    Twizbe :  Right,  but won’t those women who do the wrong thing refuse the test and act outraged as well? So should the men they trick simply have no recourse against them simply because you know you wouldn’t do that? That is, if the supposed father organises and pays for a test and those women who have conned the “fathers” do refuse to take the test, the man will simply have to pay child support under the assumption he is the father? With zero recourse against this? 

    Im sorry but that’s a hella crazy idea to me. And just wrong. 

    Like hypothetically a man knows his wife has cheated on him and he knows they haven’t had sex for a year, and let’s say they are soon to divorce, but then she falls pregnant, so naturally he knows he isn’t the father and wants to prove it via paternity test. So he organises and pays for it but she refuses. Then they divorce and he has to pay child support? Because that could happen if anyone can just refuse the test and invalidate it.

    Also I’m not really saying a hospital or delivery room is the place, that was just an idea that came upon this thread, I was just discussing the idea of it really, I’m not strongly pro or against. Forget that aspect if that’s what’s bothering you. You may work n healthcare and have stronger feelings about it, but for me it was just hypothetical discussion. I’m not certain about any of that.

    Post # 104
    Member
    1616 posts
    Bumble bee

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    Brideordie :  in the situation you describe, couldn’t the guy get a court order for a paternity test? Isn’t that already how the system is set up? 

    I’m not even sure whats being debated at this point. Earlier in the thread it seemed like people were advocating for government mandated paternity testing of all babies in the hospital at birth. That’s an outrageous idea because it’s authoritarian and yes, paternalistic medicine, not to mention the HIPPA violation issues. But now you’ve moved the goalpost so far that you’re basically arguing a guy who knows for a fact the child isn’t his should be able to get a paternity test done so he doesn’t have to pay child support — and I think there are few who would disagree with you there. As I understand it, in the US he could just get a court order and the mother would be required to comply. So what is the debate?

    Post # 105
    Member
    4210 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

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    Brideordie :  in the situation you describe he would refuse to sign the birth certificate and could then get a court-ordered paternity test. 

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