(Closed) Settle the debate – do guests get thank you cards just for attending?

• MrsBunnyBear
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: August 2010

We had a destination wedding so we thanked everyone that came out since it was such a journey.

• HBanan
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: June 2015

When I’ve been invited to people’s homes for dinner or holidays, I often have sent a thank you card to them for hosting me, especially if it is something special or I stay overnight. When I have brought a gift for a graduation or birthday, they’ve sent a thank you card to me. We always verbally thanked each other, too.

If you want to send a thank you card to all guests, it’s a lovely gesture, but isn’t required. 

 

• christinamarie980
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: November 2012

I think a general “Thank you for helping to make our wedding day so special” is a nice thought for everyone that attends. I’d hate for someone to say, “did you see thier cute thank you card yet?” to someone that may not have been sent one because they didn’t give a gift. 

• Future Mrs K
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: April 2012

@chouette:  agreee!!!!!

• Ozian
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: August 2014

No matter where I have my wedding, at least half of the guests will have to travel hundreds of miles, stay in a hotel, etc., so they’ll be spending quite a bit of money, time, and effort even without buying a gift. So I’m definitely planning to send thank you cards on top of “thanking” them with the reception.

 

• classyashley
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: October 2013

The reception IS the thank you for guests attending the ceremony. Another thank you is redundant. You only need to send a thank you note for a gift (physiclal or cash), not for simply attending.

• WannaBeeMrsB
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: July 2015

In my region, yes. 

• 2dBride
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: October 2009

Miss Manners says no.

• bklynbridetobe
• 7 years ago

The reception is the thank you. Thank you cards are for those that give gifts.

• aspasia475
• 7 years ago

@ksus07 said:  “Personally? I don’t think it matters – maybe it’s a personal preference thing.

For the etiquette-conscious? Yeah, probably should send them out.”

 

With which I will quibble. It is indeed a personal preference thing; and sending sincere original social notes at any time is something etiquette supports. But those who are truly formally, traditionally etiquette-conscious, should be aware that thank-you notes after an entertainment properly flow from guest to host; and no-one should be putting tired and un-etiquette-savvy brides under a false obligation to send unnecessary notes-of-obligation.

Those who argue that “it is always nice to receive mail” and that “I feel truly grateful for their attention” can dash to their writing desks right now, and send off a few unobligatory witty original notes of gratitude to any of the probably numerous people to whom they have cause to feel grateful over their lives, and help recreate the old norm of frequent social missives and freely expressed written thanks, and etiquette will be grateful for their voluntary and gracious contribution to holding back the fall of civilization.

• inspiration86
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: June 2014

@AB Bride:  Money is a gift.. I thought everybody gives something!! How can people come and eat drink and do not bring anything?? I might be unaware of the customes, but from where I am from, people just give money.

 

 

 

• AB Bride
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: January 2011

@inspiration86:  It happened at my wedding.  Some people gave nothing, no card, no cash, no gift.  They were local and I didn’t send a thank you card.  They did get chocolates as a favour, and thank you was written on the box.

• MsW-to-MrsM
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: September 2014

I have honestly never heard of sending thankyou cards to guests simply for attending. I guess it’s just one of those things and depends on your family and where you grew up. I’ve never known anyone that did this.

• inspiration86
• 7 years ago

• Wedding: June 2014

@AB Bride:  Wow, that us interesting.. And you are sure they attended the wedding, because you saw them? It is kinda rude to show up and not bring anything… Even $10 is better, it is still less than the food you eat and drinks you drink.

I think you did right thing – they got a favor.

Depending how much thank you cards cost plus the stamp.. I still think it is super cheap to just send to everyone. (I could be wrong, just started planning wedding) and I did not go to many weddings. I like this forum is a very educating place.

• aspasia475
• 7 years ago

@inspiration86:  Actually, in some social circles, notably old-world English and colonial families, giving a gift of money is considered insulting. The idea is that the hosts are honoured to have guests and provide the food and drinks out of a spirit of generosity. By thinking in terms of paying a gift that covers the food and drink, you are rejecting their generosity.

In those circles, all gifts are sent discretely to the bride’s home. Gifts are sent by people who want to give the couple a gift — they are not supposed to be linked to whether the gift-giver gets anything in return. It is improper to bring a gift to a formal party and if peole do bring gifts, the host whisks the gift discretely away to some private closet or under the skirt of a table, so that other guests do not see it and get the feeling that they are being “shown up”. Gifts are always optional, and formal hostesses in our circle go out of their way to make sure no guest feels obligated to give a gift.