(Closed) Poll: Should he be in charge of his family's gifts?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What would you do? (In my situation)
    Let DH be in charge of gifts for his family, and if he doesn't choose anything...then, so be it! : (34 votes)
    53 %
    Choose gifts for DH's family, even if he isn't into it. : (8 votes)
    13 %
    Choose gifts for DH's family but force him to participate in the selection. : (20 votes)
    31 %
    Other (comment below) : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    9532 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    Maybe just stick with baked goods, and force Darling Husband to help you make them so that you don’t feel solely responsible?

    Post # 3
    Member
    1169 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    “However, I know society expects me -the woman- to be up to the task of gifting my ILs.”

    Does it? I think you’re overthinking this. Bring cookies and call it a day.

    Post # 4
    Member
    8962 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    funnyfox :  “society expects me -the woman- to be up to the task of gifting my ILs” — No it doesn’t. Do it or don’t, but either way should be because it’s what works for you and your family, not because of anything you think society expects due to genitals.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9859 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I would just make cookies and call it a day.

    If my husband wasn’t interested in giving his family gifts I wouldn’t be picking up his slack on that. I take his lead on how we deal with his family so if he says he doesn’t care about gifts then I wouldn’t see why I would need to.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2967 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i put my husband in charge of gifts for his parents. i mean, i try to help, but we’ve given them some nice gifts in the past that we (or at least I) have put a lot of thought into and they mostly go unused (or they don’t take care of them), so i’ve given up even trying. when it comes to the nieces and nephews it’s a little easier and we pick those out together.

    i like the baked goods idea. you can’t go wrong with that.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4534 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    funnyfox :  You shouldn’t have to be the one in charge of buying gifts for your husbands immediate family but it just one of those things you’re going to buck up and have to do because hubby won’t. Make him wrap them and write the card so at least he had to do something to contribute…..

    It’s his mother and grandmother and they are hosting you for Christmas. Its a nice gesture towards family relations and instead of thinking of it as a gift that you have to buy because hubby won’t, you can think of it as a small gift of gratitude for his mum and grandma for helping to raise and instill values that you cherish and appreciate in your hubby.

    The other thing to consider would be how awkward you would feel all day if you rocked up empty handed and they gave you a lovely thoughtful gift and you had nothing to give in return.   That feeling would not be worth it to me, especially if I didn’t get a gift for them solely to make the point to hubby that its his family and he should be the one one running around buying their presents and not me…. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1104 posts
    Bumble bee

    funnyfox :  I purchase all the gifts for the inlaws. Darling Husband knows he should get everyone something but he hates shopping. I offered to take it on years ago and he gratefully accepted. I’m already finished for the season, I do all the shopping/baking/mailing during the first week of December. This year it took me about 3 hours to do all the online shopping and then a couple more for cookies (for his family and his office). I don’t mind so it all works out, he does a ton of stuff I don’t want to do. 

    ETA: Can’t believe so many people voted to “force” him to help choose, lol! really?!

    Post # 9
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I take the lead with gifts for my Mother-In-Law, but my husband is quite involved. This year, though, his idiot brother moved to the same town as their mom, so she is likely expecting that we buy for him as well. I cannot stand this man – and flat out told my husband that I will not have any thing to do with buying him something. If he wants to do it, that’s fine. He choose not too. I’m sure we will hear about it – but I don’t really care. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    7642 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    His family, his responsibility. I’ve never felt like society has told me that it’s my responsibility because I’m a woman.

    If there’s any awkwardness if they gift and you and Darling Husband don’t, the person who should feel more awkward is Darling Husband. So if he’s fine with it, you should be too.

    Post # 11
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee

    I agree with aussiemum1248.  It’s his family he picks out the gifts.  Then again, I’m not big on the whole “this is my role simply because I’m female”.  He’s a grown up and should be plenty capable.  Plus, he should know them better than I do.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2342 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    If I bought a gift for my in-laws it would be from “me” not “us”. I think we just did cards though (current husband’s mum is dead and minimal contact with dad). It would never occur to me to buy gifts for his side on his behalf.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2342 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    cmsgirl :  Bringing gifts for a host is different to buying Christmas or birthday gifts for his family and signing the tags DS or DS & DDIL though. 

    When we are hosted by anyone, whichever one of us has time to go to the shops, gets fresh flowers/chocolates and good wine or Champagne to take with us. If we are staying over we’ll insist on taking them out for lunch or dinner at least once. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    523 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m a big believer in playing to your strengths, so I don’t get the whole ‘force home to be apart of it’ mentality.

    Are you into gifts? Or good at picking them? If so then just pick up the slack and do it. I’m sure he does other things for you or your family. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I always do gifts for my family and his family, I have since we moved in together but I am an avid gift giver, I LOVE Christmas and wrapping presents, I save all year so when Christmas rolls around everyone, including myself gets a gift! That’s just the way My family has always done it, FI’s family don’t really do Christmas or birthdays very well, they seem to go to one place (last year it was the chemists) and get their presents. Fiance got a shaving set and I got a face care set, and a head band. It was pretty bad! I just love Christmas and I know I’m going to get something odd from that family but I gift them anyway because it’s the holidays and I love it, I’d say give whatever you want, now your married it’s from both of you, I’d give him a kick up the bum and remind him that

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