(Poll) Sister wants her boyfriend at family only-wedding and trip…

posted 3 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Should we invite the boyfriend?!
    Yes! Your relationship with your sister is more important. : (110 votes)
    48 %
    No. Tough, sis. : (45 votes)
    20 %
    Invite him to the wedding and not the trip (the most expensive part). : (56 votes)
    24 %
    Other. I'll explain in the comments. : (19 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    75 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    If you and your Fiance don’t want him at the wedding,  don’t invite him.  Your wedding,  your money,  your rules.  If you get to know him better and change your mind,  fine,  if not,  that’s okay too. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    209 posts
    Helper bee

    I wouldn’t invite him if I were in your situation. I’d feel differently if it was a long term relationship like your other sister, but it’s not.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    I want to support her and make her and her boyfriend feel welcome but at the same time, a wedding is a big deal and you can’t invite anyone just willy nilly!

    I can’t even believe you’re using that language to talk about your sister’s boyfriend. The partner of an immediate family member is not some random person.

    If you can’t afford to cover it, he can pay his own way.

    Post # 19
    Member
    3832 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Tricky. I think invite him but you certainly don’t have to pay for him. If you’re not paying for him he might not come anyway. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    2146 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    you 2

    4 parents

    6 siblings

    1 siblings boyfriend?

    = 13 people

     

    is that right?

    if thats the case then really the boyfriend should not be invited unless your willing to invite the other 5 siblings partners

    your getting married yes but that does NOT give you the right to judge other peoples relationships… how long they have been together, how old they are, how well you know them does NOT matter, you cant asks someone to celebrate your relationship while insulting theirs

    Post # 22
    Member
    13597 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you invited one sister’s boyfriend, I think you opened the door for this to happen on your own.  You should invite him at this point.

    Post # 23
    Member
    1257 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    Nope, no way would I be inviting a relatively recent Boyfriend or Best Friend of an 18 year old for a family only wedding. Maybe if they’d been dating ages and the Boyfriend or Best Friend had close relationships with the family but otherwise, nope.

    I disagree that this Boyfriend or Best Friend is your sister’s “partner” — a partner is a person that you have integrated into your life and you’re building a life together. This doesn’t sound like a partner this sounds like a just boyfriend (a boyfriend can be a boyfriend and a partner, but a boyfriend isn’t necessarily a partner). 

    I also don’t agree that because your older sister’s Boyfriend or Best Friend comes that your younger sister automatically gets a +1.  You have a relationship of your own with the older sister’s Boyfriend or Best Friend, it sounds like he is a partner, and there is a demonstrated long-term commitment between them. If you younger sister had those elements with her Boyfriend or Best Friend, then yes it would be really unfair to invite one but not the other.

    Now the relationship with your sister is the murkier area for me. You just need to decidde if the potential relationship-strengthening benefits of allowing the Boyfriend or Best Friend to come outweighs your con-list of him coming (not knowing him, finances, etc).

     

    Post # 24
    Member
    840 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Im sorry but Im a no. Your teenage sisters boyfriend does not need to be included in an immediate family only wedding. He is not immediate family.

    Post # 25
    Member
    97 posts
    Worker bee

    I would invite him to the wedding and add him to the trip closer to the date if all is going well and they are still together. It’s one person, there’s wiggle room to add and remove 

    Post # 26
    Member
    1273 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would say invite him and (obviously) cover his plate at the wedding, but explain he will need to cover the expense of his own room/ticket/meals/etc. He is being invited as a courtesy to your sister, but you do not know him and are not required to cover all his expenses.

    Post # 27
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee

    How long have they been dating? I would say if THEY are serious, not necesarily basing on how well YOU know him then I would say invite him, however he has to pay for himself.

    Considering you stated that you are scared they’ll break up and it’s a family only wedding, consider getting some pictures of JUST family, etc. so that if they do break up you won’t have him in every single one of your wedding photos. 

    However, I’m assuming your sister is at University age and therefore they are likely somewhat serious. I would suggest they together, or he himself can pay for his trip. If he can’t afford to come, too bad. You aren’t under any obligation to pay for anyone, let alone him. Simply tell your sister he can come but has to pay for himself because you didn’t put it in the budget as you don’t know him all that well.

    It’s not worth damaging your relationship with your sister by saying he can’t come

    Post # 28
    Member
    2631 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Is she still in high school?  If so, then I think that’s tricky.  Relationships come and go a lot, so I totally understand not wanting to shell out a bunch of extra cash from some random guy you might never see again.  In my household, we also would never have been alowed to stay in a hotel with a bf at that stage either.  However, I think that since you are trying to make a relationship with your sister, it might just be worth biting the bullet and paying because you want to make her happy and feel welcome.  If you were in her situation and everyone else had a partner, that would suck.  I’d wait as long as possible to make any financial desicions on this because if they are just starting to date and are in high school, there’s a good chance that they will have broken up in a couple more months- but maybe in that case she has a close female friend she could bring as a companion?

    Post # 29
    Member
    190 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I think if this were a normal wedding, you would be obligated to invite him for sure. But I think it’s crazy that you should have to invite (and pay for!) an 18 year olds boyfriend to a trip wedding that is literally your immediate family. I would never have dreamed of asking if I could bring my boyfriend on a family trip when I was that age. Honestly, I’m surprised he would want to come! How awkward! Personally, I wouldn’t invite him, but I can understand that your sister would be upset. If he has to come, you definitely shouldn’t pay for him. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    836 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Sister’s behavioral issues sound more like spoiled issues to me. Typical of the youngest kid. I’m so glad that I don’t have to deal with those ppl in my practice anymore. I would not give into her. Tell her that bf has to pay his own way. He’s new, he hasn’t been around for years like the other sisters bf. it is not the same thing. Also if sister wants to keep it up, she can pay her own way too. That’s what happens if you throw tantrums, which I suspect that she will. Good luck. Have a great day.

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