Poll- telling someone they are not invited.

posted 3 years ago in Guests
  • poll: How would you tell her?
    I would just keep ignoring her texts until she gets the hint : (7 votes)
    13 %
    I would text her right now and explain that due to budgetary reasons, we had to exclude some friends : (29 votes)
    52 %
    Wait until she reaches out again and tell her we had to exclude her : (16 votes)
    29 %
    Something else (explain) : (4 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    1537 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    If you’re not worried about losing this friendship then you could reply ‘due to space and budget restrictions, my venue is unable to accommodate the numbers we previously envisaged.” She will get the hint.

    Post # 3
    12309 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I think it’s about the relationship at this point, not the invitation. I would not be friends with anyone who threatened “to get trashed at your wedding because I’m not a bridesmaid.” I would tell her that I don’t take kindly to threats or pressure and that if this is how she is going to act, maybe it’s time to move on from the friendship. 

    Post # 4
    1364 posts
    Bumble bee

    If you want to keep the friendship, I’d just invite her since you did extend a verbal invitation. Will one person (two with a +1) make a difference?

    If you don’t care about keeping the friendship, I’d text her now and say something along the lines of, “I know you’ve been expecting an invitation to our wedding, but due to space and budget limitations we’re having a much smaller wedding than I thought we would a year ago. Unfortunately we’re not able to invite everyone we’d like to be there.” My guess is that she’d persist and get angry at you if her past behavior is any indication. I think you’d then have the option to ignore her anger or gently explain that you don’t feel your friendship is what it once was and that you’ve been put off by her barrage of texts and one-sided friendship. 

    ETA: Also, ditto PP — I personally wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who made threats like that. 

    Post # 5
    729 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    I feel you should specifically end the friendship yourself. Tell her over the last year you have felt like the two of you aren’t very close and you feel the friendship has run its course. Not being friends anymore is inevitable if you tell her she isn’t invited after you specifically told her she would be, and at least this way you are laying it all out on the table. If she presses you, you could even add that you didn’t appreciate the way she reacted to not being a bridesmaid and all the comments she has made since have had an impact on your perception of her.

    Post # 6
    9057 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    junebride62317 :  Well of course she assumes she is invited, you told her she was. I think you need to own your part in this. You are being a pretty shitty “friend” by ignoring her.

    Call her and own that despite telling her she was invited that she is not and that you are no longer interested in being friends. 

    Post # 7
    3870 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    junebride62317 :  She doesn’t “assume” she was invited–you told her that she was. She was already verbally invited. And I think this may be a first where someone is complaining that another person is talking about their wedding too much. Typically, it’s brides upset that no one cares about the wedding as much as they do, but this person texts you about it frequently and it’s upsetting to you. As for her saying she’s going to get trashed: It’s in poor taste, sure, but I’m wagering she assumes you are friends, so you’ll see it’s a joke and not meant to be taken literally. 

    Either way, my vote is to invite her. I can’t imagine that one person (or two if you are giving out plus ones) is going to break the guest list. However, if it is and you really can’t invite her (which is somewhat tacky, especially after a verbal invite was given), then I would just say something generic like, “Sorry, we had to cut our guest list down from what we originally imagined due to budget restrictions. As such, it’s just going to be family and close friends.” That way, you effectively uninvite her and terminate the friendship in one statement. Two birds, one stone. 

    Edited to add: Stop ignoring this person, too. As stated, she isn’t assuming anything, so this isn’t a situation of waiting for someone to get the hint. This is the same as sending a save the date (since you didn’t have them) to someone and then never sending them an invitation. Be an adult and call her and explain. Don’t text–that is such a cop out. 

    Post # 8
    7453 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It’s not an assumption on her part because you told her that she would be invited. If you don’t want her there just tell her but stop ignoring her and definitely don’t lie to her as others are suggesting.

    Post # 11
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    Just tell her now, you know the gonna be bad, so brace yourself bee. 

    You have legit reasons why she cannot come to your wedding, she’s not being a good friend. She just wants an invite, she doesn’t seem to care about you. 

    Post # 12
    3870 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    junebride62317 :  If you’re no longer interested being friends, then just be blunt with her. Call her and say that she is uninvited. 

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