Post # 1
So I’ve only been engaged a bit over a week and already my Future Mother-In-Law (learning the lingo here slowly) is putting pressure on us to invite way over our original estimate. I wanted about 150-180 total and she’s saying 150 for just her family minimum, many of whom I will not have met. I’m not enthused about this idea. They are offering to pay for the extra people but to me that isn’t really the point. I also don’t want to be held hostage by their money in a way. I have a lot of time to grapple with this but I was just curious if any of you encountered a similar issue and if so, how it all turned out in the end.
I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Post # 3
My Father-In-Law has requested I invite a lot of people my husband and I do not know. They are his friends, and I can respect that. Most of my guest list, my husband and I had never met.
No biggie. The people I wanted will be there, so anyone else doesn’t really matter if I know them or not.
ETA: My FIL/MIL are paying for half our wedding, my parents covering the other half. I did not feel like I was being held hostage by their money. I love my in laws and I wanted to respect them and their generous gift to us.
Post # 4
It was just people we knew! I think there was a single aunt and uncle couple that I hadn’t officially met but were on my FB and were very sweet and sociable online. Otherwise, we were completely adament of not inviting people we didn’t know. We were paying for it, so that was best for us. There were a couple complaints from people here and there, but it wasn’t a big deal.
Hold your ground, and fight for what you want. It’s not fair of them to try ot use money as a reason to invite who THEY want at YOUR wedding. It’s good that you’re already aware of that – $$ will continue to come into play throughout the wedding planning, as far as decision-making goes.
Post # 5
I can’t pick an option, because I don’t fall into any of the categories, but.. yes.. 2 friends who got +1’s, I’ve never met their date, and 1 friend who I have been extremely close to, but have never met in person (we’ve talked on the phone, internet, written letters, exchange Christmas Gifts etc..).
ETA: I am not married… yet! SOON!
Post # 6
@Hyperventilate: Yeah, I’m cool with parents’ friends I don’t know and I think I’d be alright with say, 25 people I did not know lol just not like 75. I think I might feel like a stranger at my own wedding! We’ll see, this could all pan out really differently than it appears at this early stage 🙂
Post # 7
There were the usual out of town or distant relatives of my Darling Husband that I hadn’t met yet, that wasn’t an issue, I knew our wedding would be a good time to meet them.
However I found out later that one of his distant 2nd cousins had decided to bring a ‘date’ after RSVPing for just himself. that wasn’t the issue, the venue and my DOC made it all work. But after the wedding my friends were asking me who the hooker was at my wedding. I hadn’t actually seen the date, and when i got my pictures back there she was! well I now refer to her as Roxanne (she had turned on the red light) my only wedding crasher. It made for a good story!
Post # 8
@Songstress_7: I’d say maybe 25 people out of my 70 person wedding will be people I don’t know on my FIL’s side.
Post # 9
@Hyperventilate: Sorry I just read about the money thing. I should clarify because Ican understand how what I said could seem ungrateful: I’m totally grateful for anything we get toward the wedding it’s just that in the past his parents have definitely used money to get us to do what they wanted (trying to control where we spend our vacation time etc. and taking time away from my family) and I didn’t like feeling that way. It’s just an observation of how they’ve been with different stuff.
Post # 10
@Hyperventilate: The biggest issue is she’s saying we have to basically double the number of people we wanted. Could turn out wonderfully. I just don’t know at this point.
Post # 11
I wont know my FI’s mom’s side of the family and thats like 8 people. I think thats it though.
Post # 12
I havent had my wedding yet but since we are allowing everyone a +1 and my Fiance is in the military I know there will be quite a few people I do not know. It doesnt bother me.
Post # 13
There will be, since all my named adult guests are getting +1s and I haven’t met everyone they have selected to join them for this special day yet. I’m very comfortable with that.
Post # 14
Future Mother-In-Law wants her siblings, their children, and their grandkids invited. I’ve never met them in the 6.5 years that Fiance and I have been dating. We sent out a Christmas letter annoucing our engagement and it had some pictures in it. FI’s uncle’s reaction was ‘is that FI? I don’t recognize him’. I’m not thrilled about inviting people related to my Fiance who can’t even recognize him in a photo. I’m even less willing to pay for their kids and grandkids to eat. Future Mother-In-Law seems to want to use our wedding as a family reunion. Fiance is on the fence about a lot of his relatives because he feels like he is the black sheep of the family, and has never felt very accepted. In the end it’s up to Fiance who we all invite.
Post # 15
There will be a few people that Fiance and I don’t know. My parents are paying for the wedding, so they wanted to invite a friends from work. There will also be 5-7 people on FI’s side that I haven’t met. I don’t have any problem with it.
Post # 16
We had a rule to only invite people we both knew. There was 1 guest I didn’t know, but she was brought as a +1 by one of my guests that I did know, so I really didn’t care. She was fun. I wanted our wedding to be OUR friends and family only. Darling Husband and I had been together almost 5 years at the time of our wedding. If there was a friend or family member one of us had not met in that amount of time, then they clearly are not that important in our lives and we didn’t need them at the wedding.