Post # 16
There is a big difference between a honeymoon registry and no registry at all. With one, you are asking for nothing. In either case I’d give what I normally give.
While I’m not a huge fan of any registry, a store registry actually sends a physical, tangible present to the couple while a honeymoon fund does not pay for the experiences at all, but literally cuts the couple a check they can use for anything, minus fees. It’s a cash registry by any definition.
Traditional etiquette considers it’s crass to ask others to pay for a vacation that honeymoon or not, is your own responsibility, no one else’s. And unlike a gift registry, where the premise is you are not asking, rarther guests search for a couple’s own list of things they are collecting for the home, there is no such spin possible with a cash registry.
On top of this, cash, while customary in some circles, is considered to be inappropriately impersonal by strict etiquette standards.
I would sooner write a check than participate in a honeymoon fund.
Post # 17
I would probably give them a gift of a donation to a charity in their name since they have made it clear they do not respect my hard earnt money and do not really need money since they are willing to give money away for free. So I would rather the money go to a good use (like a children’s hospital) than go to a business for nothing.
Post # 18
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Those without a gift registry get a check from me.
Post # 19
- Wedding: October 2019 - UK
If they only have a honneyfund we give them cash and a small gift as well relating to their honeymoon. Like a very nice book about their honeymoon destination, some very good swimming goggles if they are going to do a lot of swimming or nice luggage tags and passport holders.
I’m not very comfortable giving just cash so this way they get what they want (cash) and I still give something a bit more personal which is important to me. Everyone wins.
Post # 20
No problem with the honeydund. The couple are aware of the service fee so that’s their problem on lost money – to me the money is gone either way, either on a service fee, in a cheque or on a toaster.
Post # 21
I would rather they receive the $2-500 cash from me to use for their honeymoon or whatever else they’d like than the $1-4xxx they’d receive if I gave the same money through the honeyfund. Either way they get to have an experience–the cash way they just get more.
Post # 22
I would not give them a gift at all. Asking for cash in any way is so tacky. Honeyfunds are the absolute worst.
Post # 23
I would give cash which is my usual anyway
Post # 24
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
I ALWAYS gift money, whether the couple is registered or said no gifts or whatever. Definitely not paying service fees for what’s essentially an e-transfer.
Post # 25
I will just add that the thing I like about honeyfunds is that they are extremely easy and convenient. You just pop in your credit card number and you’re done. No having to remember to bring a check to the wedding. We didn’t have a honeyfund ourselves, but whenever I see someone else has one I usually will contribute to that as opposed to bringing a check, simply because it is the easiest thing for me! I feel like the service fee is a convenience fee, and I am all about convenience.
Post # 26
It’s fair to say you don’t like registries in general. But none of these explanations differentiate a honeymoon fund from a traditional registry.
1. So the fact that people could theoretically be lying (and not using the money for the experiences for which they say they are using it) makes it a cash registry? People could also return “the physical, tangible present” to the store for cash. Doesn’t make it a cash fund.
2. So because traditional etiquette says someone should pay for their own vacation but shouldn’t pay for own their household appliances means that a honeymoon fund is more inappropriate that a gift registry? There are a lot of wedding traditions that once were set in stone that have faded over time (e.g. bride must always wear white, groom must ask for dad’s blessing/permission, etc.). No reason why this shouldn’t be one of them.
3. Buying a honeymoon experience is no less impersonal than buying someone the exact appliance that they told you to buy them. You aren’t “choosing” the gift in either scenario.
4. Even if people have just a cash fund set up, who cares? Again, that isn’t “begging” any more than a traditional registry is.
Not trying to be argumentative – this is just a huge pet peeve of mine. The whole tradition of buying people things for their home made sense back when most people did not live together before marriage. Now, many people live together for YEARS before getting married, and they’d rather have someone buy them an experience than fine china that collects dust in a cabinet somewhere. You’d rather buy someone an item that they don’t actually want/need than an experience on their honeymoon that they are excited to use?
It’s one thing for people to say that they just like the traditional gift registry more than the honeymoon registry. It’s another thing for people to imply that it’s a cash registry or that people creating honeymoon funds are somehow more out of line that someone picking out their own physical gifts.
Post # 27
I’d write them a check, but I give checks for weddings anyways 95% of the time. I want to give the couple my money not some random company! Same with GoFundMe accounts though – I’ll mail the person a check if I want to help out so that they actually get the full value of my gift.
Post # 28
I think I’d just write them a check and put it in card. It feels more personal to me, and then they can use it toward whatever they like.
I might drop a note in about “treating themselves on their honeymoon” or something if I knew they were saving up for that, but I wouldn’t be offended if they chose to use it another way.
Post # 29
Completely agree with all of this. The logic behind the honeymoon fund pearl clutching never made any sense to me. windycitywedding2019 :
Post # 30
I would write a check like I do for almost any wedding I attend. I’m not a fan that honeyfund gets a cut of my money. If I’m giving a couple $200, I want them to get $200 not $193 or whatever the cut is.
Plus, i’d want to give a card anyways. So, I’d rather just include the check with my card.