Poll: What would you gift if a couple only had a honeyfund.

posted 1 year ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: What gift would you give if the couple only had a honeyfund?

    I would contribute to the honeyfund. No issues with it whatsoever.

    I would give them either cash/check. I am not paying service fees!

    I would give them a physical gift of my choosing- you shouldnt be asking for cash!

    I would give them a gift card (happy medium, right?)

    I would give them nothing.

  • Post # 31
    Member
    9784 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I always give money at the actual wedding.

    I won’t use honeyfund sites because I don’t like that they take a cut.

    Post # 32
    Member
    5909 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I can’t believe 4 people wouldn’t give anything as a gift for this fact alone. So petty and cheap. 

    I don’t see any difference between a honeymoon fund and the couple picking loads of homeware for a registry. Lots of people claim the reason the fee that is deducted but it is usually something like 2%. Plus maybe the couple would rather lose the 2% than spend an hour in the bank depositing various envelopes of cash and cheques. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    948 posts
    Busy bee

    I see no difference between cutting a check and contributing to the honeyfund – the honeyfund takes a cut but it’s a convenience for guests, sort of like when you buy a visa or amex gift card at the grocery store or CVS and it charges 7% (here you pay $107 for $100 instead of paying $100 and the couple getting $93). 

    If I’ve thought in advance I’ll give a check, but if I’ve dropped the ball I’ll contribute to the fund. As far as I know there’s no completion discount or any benefit to the fund, so all things equal I’d prefer to give cash/check since that’s better for the couple, but I also understand them offering a more convenient option.

    I’m not a fan of the cutesy poems or notes (“We can’t stand wasteful things but insead prefer experiences, so please give us money so we can experience one big thing” – so cringey!), but as I’m from a culture/circle where giving cash is extremely common and expected I try not to judge too hard when people are mostly trying to express their preferences in a non-crass way, even if they miss the mark (mostly because I know that I can do nothing and just expect my relatives to know I want cash). 

    Post # 34
    Member
    2853 posts
    Sugar bee

    I resent when people try and tell me how to spend my money.  We usually give cash, but an outright solicitation offends me and they get a gift.

    Post # 35
    Member
    4073 posts
    Honey bee

    I give checks to everyone these days. People either get their registry picked apart for being expensive or boring, honeyfunds attacked for being tacky, or complaints if they don’t do anything and leave it up to the guest. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t which is all pretty stupid cause there isn’t a person in this world who doesn’t appreciate a little cash. I literally had someone tell me they got me something off registry, because everything on my registry was lame. Okay. It’s about the couple, and if you want to give them something useful to start their marriage off, as is the tradition, just give them what they want. *end rant*

    Post # 36
    Member
    477 posts
    Helper bee

    We would just give cash or check in a card like usual. I would never give to a honeyfund because I find it extremely inappropriate to ask others to pay for your vacation.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1344 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    I always give a cash gift at weddings, so this situation would be the same for me.

    Post # 38
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee

    We are doing a honeyfund. But I am assuming most of it will come from cash or checks? I didn’t know there were fees for the honeyfunds online… but if there are… checks and cash are not hard for guests to get/give. Not that we even EXPECT gifts of any kind. We are doing a coed shower for this purpose… no registry has been made. Just a fun time to hang out and maybe they will have us a raffle or something fun for honeyfund gifts?

    Getting a physical gift would annoy me because we already have so much stuff as it is from both owning homes and combining. We live in a smaller home and don’t need more of anything. And to me … “upgrading” our things is stupid as well since we don’t care about having something new over something we already have that will still work for many years to come. The old stuff may keep working our whole lives. Never know!

    Post # 39
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I have what suppose is a ‘honeyfund’ except that the honeymoon is booked and guests can pay off any amount they choose – there is absolutely no fee. 

    I am over 40 he is over 50 – we are merging 2 houses, I already have the toaster I want + 1 I don’t want. 

    My view on life is when I am on my death bed I will remember the amazing time I had in Mauritius and not that lovely engraved teaspoon. Whilst I like ‘stuff’ I do often remind myself that life experiences are what matter. I cannot see why anyone would find that offensive but if you do you may sod off back to last centuary 🙂 

    xx

    Post # 40
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee

    Physical gift item here. Sorry, I’m not paying for anyone’s Tropical Island Sex Romp.

    Sure, they could absolutely return my item for cash but idk, do people actually do that?

    Post # 41
    Member
    4073 posts
    Honey bee

    I want to add…why is it bad to value travel over physical junk? People who enjoy exploring, other cultures, and bonding with loved ones are the kind I like to be around. But if 1000 thread count sheets make you look like less of a turd, h’okay.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1105 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    I’m always happy to contribute to a honeyfund. I got the nicest thank you note for the last one. Logically, I know that they just get a check in the end, but the note thanked us for the fancy brunch we “paid” for and made mention of how good the food was/the view. As a guest, it was a much nicer thank you note than “thank you for the toaster, I’ll think of you fondly whenever I make toast.” 

     

    Then again, while I appreciate politeness, I am a fan of doing away with senseless/old school ettiquette rules that no longer serve a purpose, and keeping those that do. There’s no big-picture difference between asking for $2,000 of china and sheets and asking for $2,000 of experiences. The same money is spent, and it’s spent on something of value to the couple. I watched my sister register for a bunch of crap she doesn’t even need and won’t use (she already has an established household) to avoid offending traditional family members, and it seems like the height of pointlessness and waste.

    Post # 43
    Member
    13392 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    View original reply
    windycitywedding2019 :  There is a big difference between registering for a gift and actually receiving that gift and registering for experiences, hotel nights and restaurant nights only to receive money. I don’t know how to explain it better than that. In one case what you see is what you get. The other is false advertising. 

    I don’t think it’s outdated not to expect or ask people to pay for an exotic vacation. That’s a life style choice. 

    I have to agree that it’s not all that personal to buy a gift someone picked out for themselves. And I’m personally not against giving money, just asking for it. But if you buy into the whole idea of gift registries, then you “found” a list of things the couple wants to buy, and hope they will think of you whenever they use it. 

    I disagree that asking for cash is acceptable. Or asking for anything for that matter. If you are really in no need of anything, then there’s no need to register at all. Nobody leaks a list of the money they hope to earn that year. 

    I realize that people see this differently. In fact, even etiquette sources differ on this issue. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    4235 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    If I like you enough to attend your wedding and give you a gift, then i want to give you what you actually want, not what i dictate you should ask for. Maybe it’s against etiquette, but I like to give gifts people want, not what I want to give. The gift is for them, not me.

    And I don’t care if they take a cut at honeyfund. Guess what,  the bank charges account fees, so they’re getting a cut of my cheque too.   

    Eta, i don’t see how a trip is anymore of a “lifestyle choice” than fancy china or an expensive mixer.

    Post # 45
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    weddingmaven :  

    (1) How is it false advertising to ask for money to spend on a honeymoon tour and then to spend the actual money on the honeymoon tour? If someone instead made a registry and posted a link to viator and you booked the tour for them yourself, would that make it more of a gift? How is that any different from the couple getting the money and booking that same tour? The reason you can’t explain it is because it doesn’t make sense.

    (2) It’s not a lifestyle choice – not sure what you mean by that. Almost everyone takes a honeymoon. Most people live together before they get married. It’s outdated to keep a tradition that came into place while people lived at home up until their wedding night. People who have been living together for many years generally have all of the household appliances, etc. that they need. As someone else mentioned, the whole purpose behind a registry is to get people a gift that they can use after they get married. A tour, dinner, massage, etc. on your honeymoon is something that you can use after you get married.

    (3) You aren’t asking for money. You’re asking for a honeymoon experience, which is a gift, just like a physical object is a gift. If you buy into the gift registry, you have to buy into the honeymoon registry, because there isn’t a meaningful distinction. The only difference is whether you are paying for a material item or an experience.

    (4) It’s not like you are starting a GoFundMe for a random, exotic vacation. This your honeymoon, which is a once-in-a-lifetime experience almost everyone takes. Again, if you think about it, asking for $50 in cash isn’t actually different than asking for a $50 appliance.

    People “see it differently,” but this is one of those few disagreements where one side makes absolutely no sense. Again, I understand the idea against a registry in general (in both a honeymoon registry and a traditional registry, you are telling people what to buy you). There is no meaningful distinction between a honeymoon registry and a traditional registry. I’d rather people just admit that they value the giver’s opinion of the gift more than the recipient’s. Ultimately, if the recipient wants an experience rather than clutter in their house/apartment that they aren’t going to use, then people should be happy to get the person what they want.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by  windycitywedding2019. Reason: Corrected for typo
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