Poll: What would you gift if a couple only had a honeyfund.

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: What gift would you give if the couple only had a honeyfund?

    I would contribute to the honeyfund. No issues with it whatsoever.

    I would give them either cash/check. I am not paying service fees!

    I would give them a physical gift of my choosing- you shouldnt be asking for cash!

    I would give them a gift card (happy medium, right?)

    I would give them nothing.

  • Post # 46
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee

    My reply disappeared for some reason.

    Anyway, not sure how it is “false advertising” to asking for a honeymoon tour and then purchase a honeymoon tour. Also, I didn’t realize that taking a honeymoon was a “lifestyle choice,” given that almost everyone takes a honeymoon. (We aren’t even talking about some random, exotic vacation.)

    Asking for a specific $50 appliance isn’t actually any different than asking for $50 and going out and buying that same appliance. In both cases, you are essentially asking for money. If you buy into the idea of a gift registry (you find a list of things the couple wants to buy), then you kind of have to buy into the honeymoon registry (you find a list of experiences the couple wants to experience). It really isn’t any different. Again, I have yet to hear anyone make any meaningful distinction.

    And yes – it is an outdated practice. Registries were created when people would move out of their parent’s house the day after their wedding, and they needed a bunch of household items to get their lives started. Today, most people do not actually need new appliances, etc. when they have been living together for an extended period of time. I’m not sure how it is offensive for people to actually ask for something that they want/need. The person isn’t going to ever be “thinking of you” when they use your gift if they don’t actually use your gift because they don’t need it.

    At the end of the day, if someone doesn’t like a honeymoon fund, when that person gets married, they can set up a physical registry. A gift should be about the recipient, not the giver. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    13537 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    View original reply
    windycitywedding2019 :  

    1)It’s false advertising to suggest to people that they are paying for excursions, tickets, hotel nights etc. when the couple gets cash that they could use for literally anything . 

    2)No one is entitled to a honeymoon, and there are plenty of couples who delay, save up, or don’t take one if they can’t afford it. It’s nervy to ask people to contribute to a luxury experience they may be in no position of their own to afford. 

    (3) The bottom line is honeymoon funds in their current incarnation are cash registries. Many people object to the idea of soliciting cash if a person is not impoverished. 

    Times do change. If today’s couple are so established and have everything they need, then they don’t need to solicit anything at all. 

    (4) “It’s not like you are starting a GoFundMe for a random, exotic vacation”

    Many people see it exactly like that. Reasonable minds may differ. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    331 posts
    Helper bee

    I give cash/check like I always do as is traditionally expected. 

    Registries were invented in 1924 by Marshall Fields. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee

    (1) If you using the funds exactly how you say you are using the funds, that’s not “false advertising.” If people are  told that they are contributing to exurcisons, tickets, hotel nights, etc. and the money is contributed to those things, then everything about that is accurate.

    (2) No one is entitled to fancy appliances either, and there are plenty of people who do not buy egyptian cotton sheets, milk frothers, toasters, and coffee makers. So how is asking for funds for a honeymoond any more or less “nervy” than asking someone for a fancy appliance that they wouldn’t buy or couldn’t afford themselves.

    (3) Again, asking for a $50 blender vs. asking for a $50 experience. What is the difference? It doesn’t make sense to say one is a cash registry and one isn’t. The fact that one is a tangible object that you can touch and one is an experience doesn’t change the fact that they are both gifts.

    So you’re saying people who can’t afford appliances should get wedding gifts and everyone else should get nothing? Does that go for birthday gifts, graduation gifts, etc. too? A wedding or a shower is a gift-giving event, and you should get the couple something that they want or need. The fact that you can afford a toaster or a blender is completely irrelevant.

    4. No – it’s not a random, exotic vacation. It’s a honeymoon, which I guarantee over half of people take (even if they do not take it immediately). A quick google search shows that 99% of people take a honeymoon.

    Again, no problem with people saying that they just like tradition. But let’s not pretend like a honeymoon fund is any more or less shameful than making a list of physical items for people to buy you.

    Post # 51
    Member
    3895 posts
    Honey bee

    Everyone prefers cash, which is why honeyfunds/house registries were created.  It’s a thinly veiled way of getting more cash and less stuff.

    And unless you are having a delayed honeymoon, one would hope that you aren’t depending on the honeyfund to book since most people leave a day or two after the wedding. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    5856 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Your reasons for honeymoon funds being tacky vs registries makes no sense. You keep repeating that a registry is something a couple make for themselves, then guests stumble upon it and choose to buy something is complete BS. Every single couple who makes a registry does it in the immediate run up to their wedding with the sole purpose of having guests buy the items. 

    You can chose to prefer one but your reasons for why one is acceptable are opinions and not facts. There is no difference between a honeymoon registry and a gift registry. People aren’t entitled to fancy appliances more than fancy vacations, the guests are choosing to give a gift to a newly wed couple an item or an expensive but they aren’t being forced either way. 

    View original reply
    weddingmaven :  

    Post # 53
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    sharpshooter :  So is a gift registry. If you are telling people exactly which $50 coffee maker to buy, it isn’t any different than the person giving you the $50 to buy the coffee maker yourself. You’re still “asking for cash.” The issues that people have with a honeymoon registry still exist with an actual registry. One is no more of a cash registry than the other.

    Most people that I know buy the remaining items off of their registry anyway. It isn’t as if someone says “Oh – no one bought me a coffee maker. I guess I will live the rest of my life without a coffee maker.” Even if you’ve already booked your honeymoon, it doesn’t change the fact that the experience bought is a gift from the person. It’s like buying the remaining items off of your registry post-wedding. You were going to get it regardless, but it is still a gift.

    Post # 54
    Member
    3895 posts
    Honey bee

    View original reply
    windycitywedding2019 :  what I’m saying is that we know that everyone wants cash as a gift.  You don’t need to create what is basically a paypal/venmo account saying that you are going to use that money for some random excursion on your honeymoon, when you can just not register at all and people will know that you want cash.  

    Of course Aunt Martha will buy you a random gift regardless, but they will do that even if you have 100 registries available. 

    A coffee maker is not cash.  You cannot take a coffee maker with you on your honeymoon and use it to buy you a dinner on the beach.  LOL.

    Like I said before, I gift cash at every single wedding I’ve ever been to and will go to for the rest of my life.  I know it’s what people want and will be appreciated….unless you ask for it on your invitation….any mention of gifts/preferring cash/honeyfund is a huge no in my book.

    Post # 55
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    sharpshooter :  An experience is also not cash. That’s the point. I would rather people buy a honeymoon activity for me than cash. That’s the idea of a honeymoon fund. It’s more fun. For people who opt for a honeymoon fund, receiving an experience that one will remember is much more enjoyable than receiving a toaster that she will never use. 

    Again, telling someone to buy you a specific $50 coffee maker is the same thing as telling them to give you $50 and buying that exact coffee maker. In the strictest sense, a “gift” is something that someone else picks out for you. People who create a gift registry have essentially eliminated the “gift” element from the wedding in the same way as people who have created a honeymoon registry. You’re getting something you would have bought anyway, so you are basically getting cash.

    If gift registries did not exist until today, I guarantee people would be up and arms, claiming that it isn’t a gift if you are telling people what to buy you. The difference is that they have been around long enough that people are used to them. People are uncomfortable with a honeymoon fund because it is a new concept. If you actually think about it, they aren’t any different than a traditional gift registry. If one is a cash registry, so is the other.

    Not sure how not being able to take a coffee maker with you to the beach has anything to do with anything, but okay.

    Post # 56
    Member
    3239 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2021

    I don’t have any issue with the idea of honeyfunds, but I’d rather just give them cash so that they get the whole amount rather than some random company skimming 2-5%.

    Post # 57
    Member
    3895 posts
    Honey bee

    View original reply
    windycitywedding2019 :  you do realize that when a couple has a honey fund, they are just getting cash deposited into their bank account?  It’s just cash.  Not a dinner on the beach, not a day swimming with dolphins.  Just cash, minus a service fee.

    i love the idea of experiences over things, which is why I just give cash.  That way they can do whatever they want with it and actually get more because the honeyfund didn’t take 10% off the top.

    Post # 58
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    dianaj17 :  This is exactly what we want to do! We plan to take poloroid photos of us doing the various activities and to send a personalized thank you note to each guest with a photo that talks about how we were able to enjoy the particular experience that they gifted us. I agree – there is only so much you can say about a gifted toaster. 🙂

    Post # 59
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee

    If I had the choice between buying my friend a coffee maker or contributing to one of the most memorable experiences in her life…..

    Seems really selfish to NOT want to contribute to that.

    Post # 60
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    sharpshooter : 

    But it is cash that is going toward a particular experience. I suppose you could have the guest go through the trouble of booking the experience themselves, but why is it necessary to make it more complicated for the guest? The fact is, a gift registry is the same thing – it just skips over one step. If you are telling people what to buy you, it really isn’t any different than the money going into your bank account and you buying the item yourself.

    The transaction fees for most of these websites are actually must lower – I know Zola is 2.5%. Obviously, if people would rather just gift cash and avoid a transaction fee (and state that their money is for a particular honeymoon activity), or if they would rather book the activity themselves, great.

    Really, buying something off of a gift registry, buying something off of a honeymoon registry, or gifting cash – these are all the same. Unless you are truly asking people to completely pick out their own gifts, it’s a complete myth that a wedding gift registry is truly a gift registry.

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