(Closed) POLL- When do you send wedding thank you cards?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That guest sounds like an ass!!!!! I believe you have a year. We haven’t sent ours out yet because we were waiting on our pictures from our photographer. We will have them out by February

Post # 4
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes, you were misinformed.  Guests have a year, traditionally, to send gifts – but even that is pretty outdated at this point. Thank you cards should always go out within 3 months, but really ASAP.   When you write your notes, I’d write in them that you apologize for the delay but married life has been busy – something to that effect.   Most people will just be happy to receive a card at all – while you were misinformed, calling you out on not sending a card is pretty rude too.

*there has NEVER been an etiquette rule that you have a year to send out Thank Yous – people are simply confusing the amount of time you have to send a gift with thank you cards.

Post # 5
Bee
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

You do not have a year to send out thank you cards. Honestly, they should be done as soon as possible and I think 3 months is a reasonable amount of time to get them out. That being said, it was incredibly rude of your guest to call you up and demand a thank you.

Post # 6
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Those of you who want to include a photo in your Thank You cards should tell your photographer up front (before the wedding) so they have that in mind and send you a picture or two within a couple of weeks of the wedding.   Waiting 3 months to start on Thank Yous is really not good etiquette, especially if you’ve already cashed the checks, or people made purchases online and are starting to wonder if you ever received the package.

Post # 7
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

OMG your guest has got his knickers in a twist & needs to check himself. How rude. You should reply with a

dear wank stain

vomit worthy false apology, thank you to the nines for pointing out the etiquette & for your overwhelming generosity for attending the event we hosted that you were in no way obliged to attend and you will receive a note in due course as we were misinformed and were under the impression that you had up to one year to send them. 

Please untwist your knickers

Scornfully,

Happily Married Couple

Post # 8
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@KellyLouise:  best thank you card ever!

I will be in the minority here and say it is okay to wait. I am happy to even receive one anymore! 

Post # 10
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

What a jerk of a guest! Three months is reasonable but your guests don’t have the right to demand things like that! Wow.

Post # 11
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I think most people agree that three months is standard.

We wrote a few late ones, mostly when the gifts came quite late.There were a couple that we had hoped to send with prints of photos, but there was a point when we just didn’t feel comfortable waiting around anymore.  We’re going to send the prints with our holiday cards.

Post # 12
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

… you’re meant to send wedding thank you cards? I had no idea about any of this.

Post # 13
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

According to etiquitte guides, your thank you notes should be out within 3 months, but that guest sounds very rude. He must not have much going on in his life to be that concerned about his thank you note. Just get them done ASAP…better late than never!

Post # 14
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

This is a huge hot button issue for me. *warning, vent*

I dunno when or where the whole “year” benchmark was set for giving a wedding gift or sending out thank yous, but I think it stinks, and rude as heck, coming or going.

As an invited guest, I fully intend to gift a newlywed couple AT/ON the day of their event. 

Likewise, I would expect it to be good form, to receive a thank you note pretty quickly after the event, three months is even pushing it. And, I don’t need copies of wedding pictures in my thank you note. And I sure don’t think it’s cool to get my thank you via email, text, or FB messenger! 

Not picking at the OP, but honestly it just seems like folks make the simplest of gestures so complicated these days. 

You send out save the dates, and formal invitations months in advance, expect a timely RSVP, expect the guest to show up in the numbered party indicated, probably expect a gift from them, but then all of a sudden it’s a big hassle to pick up a pen and buy some postage to send a thank you?

I’ll volunteer, I’m getting married in a week. While I wrote out my invitations, and as my rsvps came in, I addressed the thank you envelopes to be ready to go. Every guest that walks thru the door gets a thank you, whether they gift us or not, and they will be mailed out the week after the wedding. Sorry, but it’s part of being a bride and being polite and respectful.

Post # 15
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Yes, you were misinformed: but there is a very great deal of manners mis-information going around. Your guest, for example, is labouring under the misapprehension that he is entitled to a thank-you note just for attending your party (wrong), that preaching etiquette to adults who did not ask for his advice is decent behaviour (wrong), that three months’ delay on receiving thanks is normative when five months is not; and that he’s in a state of grace even though he failed to write his required thank-you note! And other bees share the misapprehension that three months’ delay is prefectly acceptable, that presents can and should be brought to the wedding celebration,

BartenderPlease and Mrs. Coyote  hit the nail on the head that thank-you notes for gifts should be sent “as soon as possible”. The gold standard is to write each note before you go to bed on the day that the gift was received.

Of course, that becomes hard to impossible if your guests do not follow the etiquette that says no gift should be brought to a ceremony or party: it should always be either sent in advance (especially if it is a hostess gift such as flowers, sweets or wine, or serveware that the hostess might want to use at the party) or sent afterward along with the guest’s bread-and-butter letter thanking the hostess for her hospitality. The reasons for this rule are threefold: first, that the hostess and guest of honour have duties of attention to the other guests that would be disrupted if they must repeatedly interrupt greeting people to store and secure material goods; second, that gifts given publically embarrass the recipient by making her seem needy, embarrass the giver by making him seem to be showing off, and embarrass everyone else by making them feel as thought they have been shown up; and third, that the close proximity between the gift and the event make it seem like the gift is a “ticket” by which the guest “buys” his entry to the party, thus insulting the generosity and hospitality of the hosts by implying it can be bought.

And if no gift was received then no thank-you note is required. Of course, the hostess who wants to write a note to her guests telling them how pleased she was to see them, is certainly entitled to do so. But the GUEST by definition has received the gift of his hostess’s hospitality, so whether he sent the bride a material gift or not, he is obliged to send a thank-you note to the hostess. I might be tempted to reply to the complainant ‘gentleman’ with a note of apology stating “I am so sorry that I did not write to thank you earlier. When your bread-and-butter note got lost in the mail — as it must have been, since I received from you no note of thanks such as a gentleman always sends his hostess — I mistakenly assumed that you simply did not care about the niceties of sending proper thank-yous. I did not want to seem to be showing you up, by sending you a thank-you note for your gift of a bond-china swizzle-stick; which Dear Husband and I have so much enjoyed, and for which we do indeed thank you very much.” But I hope I would be able to suppress the temptation.

Post # 16
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

we sent ours out as we received gifts. a lot of people bought off the registry and had the gifts sent to our apartment so we got most of them before our wedding. we had all of our thank you notes sent out before the wedding except for a few gifts we got that day. those we sent out a few days after the wedding. 

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