(Closed) Poll: when to tell parents about pregnancy

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: When did you tell your parents and was it before or after confirmed by doctor?
    Earlier than 6 weeks : (30 votes)
    19 %
    6-8 weeks : (30 votes)
    19 %
    8-10 weeks : (14 votes)
    9 %
    10-12 weeks : (10 votes)
    6 %
    12 weeks or later : (23 votes)
    15 %
    After confirmed by Dr. : (34 votes)
    22 %
    Only confirmed with HPT : (15 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    19 posts
    Newbee

    I personally told my parents two days after we found out, so 4 weeks. I am an only child and pretty close with my parents (we talk everyday and have lunch together at least once a week), and it is their first grandchild, so I wanted them to know early. My mother also had 6 miscarriages before I was born, so I wanted to be able to ask her for advice and I knew that if something horrible happened, she would be a good support system. Though I wish we would have waited for the husband’s parents (he wanted to tell them the same day, to be fair), because they were not as nice and excited as my parents and it might have helped to have been further along. 

    Either way, it is totally up to you and depends on the relationship you have with your parents. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    1114 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    lalanono:  Congrats!! 

    I was actually at home visiting my parents when I took an HPT. I called Darling Husband to tell him because, obviously wanted him to know first. But I told my mom right away. We’re not close and our relationship is rocky. The factors thst played into my decision, I live across country so it was the only chance I would have to tell them in person. Also, even though we’re not close, close it felt weird to me not to tell them. 

    All I can say is, follow your heart, and what feels like the right time. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    4675 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Congrats! I’m currently 7 weeks as well, and in the minority here.  I’m choosing not to tell our families until close to 12 weeks. I’ve already gone through an early MC, and I know from this experience that I am a private mourner. I don’t want to worry about talking to my family after another MC, and worry about what they will say and worry about keeping everything together.  Also, when I tell my Mom she’s going to be a Grandma, I want it to be the one. I don’t want to get people excited just to dash their hopes. I do it enough to myself.  When I tell people I want it to be for real, I don’t want to tell people that I miscarried, and that there wouldn’t be a baby. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    2310 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I often think about this because although I’m not pregnant yet it will be hard to not tell my parents and sister’s family early on. We are all very close but I wonder if I would be better off waiting in case something bad happens. Same with my in-laws. I’m not as close to them but I know they would be supportive and happy for us as my family would. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    5095 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My parents are divorced. I told my mom at 6 weeks (she lives near me, we’re close, and I couldn’t hide it from her!). I told my dad and my ILs at 13 weeks, after some tests came back negative for genetic and chromosomal problems. I would have wanted my mom’s support if we’d had problems; I wouldn’t have wanted to talk about it with my dad and ILs. So that dictated who we told when.

    Post # 21
    Member
    459 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Are we the same person?! This was pretty close to our exact experience. Darling Husband and I were planning to wait 3 years before we started our family, but 9 months into marriage, found out I was pregnant!

     

    I am sure so many crazy emotions and thoughts are running through your mind, but let me tell you, this has been AMAZING for us. I would have been content to have babies whenever, but Darling Husband was very adamant about waiting. Our son is 9 months old now, and the other day, Darling Husband told me, “I’m so glad we didn’t wait to start our family. This is amazing.” So don’t worry, this will not be a bad thing! It’s THE BEST! Terrifying at first, but the best.

     

    My advice would be to tell your parents as early as you are comfortable with. We waited a few weeks to process ourselves, and then around 8 weeks, told our parents. They were thrilled!! What are they going to do, be mad at you? You are married and this is a normal part of life’s progression! We were nervous telling ours but they were all thrilled. They were also able to give us some really great advice regarding housing, so that was helpful to have ahead of time. We were thinking of making a 1 bedroom work for us, but my IL’s conviced us to move to a 2 bedroom. So we downgraded our apartment, and ended up with 2 bedrooms so we had a nurswry. It took us a while to find a place we liked, so we were glad to have the extra time having received their advice early.

     

    Anyway… CONGRATULATIONS!! If you have any questions at all, please feel free to ask!

    Post # 22
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I waited to tell our parents until after my first ultrasound at 11 weeks.  It happened on pretty much the first try, and we found out the same time that Darling Husband decided to put in his 2 weeks and switch jobs.  We agreed that if we had a misscarriage we were going to wait until we were settled in the new job (and possibly after a move as well) to try again.  No one knew we were TTC, so I didn’t want to tell people, lose the pregnancy, then have them expecting another announcement soon-ish.

    Post # 24
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee

    I would probably tell my mother before my Fiance lol! I would try and wait until after DR confirms however I know I couldn’t! I can’t keep a secret (I have been known to make Fiance open b-day and xmas presents early as I am too excited to give them to him!)

    Post # 25
    Member
    459 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    lalanono:  No it’s totally fine! To be honest, I still have no clue how we even got pregnant since I was charting. But when we got pregnant, I was 22 and Darling Husband was 24, and then we were 23 and 25 when he was born! So it was definitely an earlier start to our family than we had intended, but we see so many positives to starting young! We wouldn’t have been able to afford a house any earlier anyway, we don’t have the money or desire to travel a ton yet (We want to retire young and travel then when we can afford to enjoy it), you have so much more energy having kids young, etc. My husband was sooo nervous that his parents would be upset with him but they were beyond thrilled. It’s seriously happy news, and I think it’s better to have more people “in your corner” if you will, to help you figure out how you will make it work. But having a baby does NOT have to be expensive. We have a strict $150 budget per month for baby, and have never come close to that. And we use formula! So there are definitely ways to make it work, regardless of your situation. 🙂 So excited for you!! (we just started TTC for baby2, actually, and it’s still earlier than our original timeline for baby1! hahaha my how things change, and in the best way possible.)

    Post # 26
    Member
    312 posts
    Helper bee

    I told my mom before my dh…he wasn’t answering the phone haha. We didn’t tell anyone else until almost 4 months! I hid it well

    Post # 27
    Member
    3829 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Before I started TTC I was dead set on waiting until 12 weeks to tell anyone. But I hate lying. I’m bad at it. 

    I told my mom at about 4 weeks. We will tell my dad and our inlaws at 7 weeks after our first ultrasound. since we had trouble conceiving I want to tell them earlier since I know people (especially FIL) were worried about us and wanted to be updated on treatments and how we were coping. So regardless of what happens, I’d like their support. Not sure when we wil tell the rest of our siblings. We are kinda winging it. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    This is a personal choice. We didn’t tell anyone at all until after the nuchal/dating scan, shortly after 12 weeks. We would have waited longer, but I was already showing by then and it was becoming harder and harder to hide it. I really didn’t want to tell anyone in case I had a miscarriage, because then I would feel awful having to share that news. I’m very uncomfortable sharing bad news with the people I’m close to because they will only worry… if I’d had a miscarriage, I would probably never have told anyone IRL about it except for Darling Husband… certainly not right away, anyway.

    As far as everyone else goes, we had wanted to wait until about 20 weeks, but it was fairly obvious even to strangers by quite close to the start of the second trimester, so that plan went out of the window!

    PS My parents weren’t exactly happy about it either, but like Darling Husband said to me “it’s not as if you’re 13 years old… you’re a 30 something married woman with a house, who was recently told she might not be able to have children at all! They need to get over themselves”. It took them a bit of time, but they’re coming around.

    Post # 30
    Member
    3470 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    lalanono:  Ours wasn’t a surprise baby (quite the opposite actually, we didn’t know if I COULD get pregnant and so opted to not tell anyone we were trying just in case) but we waited until 12 weeks to share our news with almost everyone. 

    I told my best friend (who knew we were struggling with TTC), and my boss (he and his wife went through IVF, so he was a great support person for me during all of it, and very happy to hear the news).  Family and close friends waited until 12 weeks, then I made a “public” (i.e. facebook) accouncement at about 16 weeks.  I didn’t think I could handle the 2nd phone calls if something went wrong, so we opted to take it slow and waited for the first set of screenings (the NT test) to come back and make sure nothing major was wrong before we were really public about it all.  

    I’m glad we waited because having family know really added stress for me in the early weeks (like 12-16) because everyone wanted to know every detail and was asking me how I was feeling on a daily (or hourly!) basis and if I was also worried about possible MC at that phase too I would have been a wreck.  It wasn’t even negative stress, just one more level of things to think about.  

    Good luck momma! 

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