Post # 1
I live far away from my family and they will be in town in October for my engagement party. That weekend will be the first time my future in-laws meet my stepmom, brother, SIL, and aunt.
I am not very close with my SIL but she’s a very nice person. My stepmom, however, is a bit of a nut and we have never gotten along. I am considering inviting all of these women (plus a friend) to come with me to go dress shopping while they are in town. Best case scenario, it’s a chance for all the women to get to know each other better and have a fun day. Worst case scenario, they’ll be bored and not get along, and I’ll spend my time worrying about them instead of looking at dresses.
What do you all think? Should I bring the whole crew, or leave them at home? (If I bring the whole group, I’ll make sure we go to places that have space to accomodate a big group.)
Post # 3
I’d advise going just with a friend first. Then if you decide, or if you have a few to decide between, bring the whole crew to see it before you pull the trigger. It’s a lot of pressure to a) please everyone with your dress, and b) keep everyone happy while you’re trying on dresses for hours.
Post # 4
I think you should do both. Invite the whole crew with you to try on dresses and do some solo shopping. I did a some shopping with the whole crew (mom, Future Mother-In-Law, 2 BMs, and both of my grandmothers) and it was a lot of fun. They were happy I invited them.
I also did a few trip with just 2-3 of my BMs and one solo trip. I definitely recommend at least one solo trip because it allows you to clear your head and focus on what you want. You don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone else or let their opinions confuse or sway you.
ETA: You can also book a bunch of appointments, let your family know when and where they are and invite them to come to whatever they feel like. That way they can choose how much time they spend dress shopping with you and gives them an easy out if they don’t want to spend the whole day shopping.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I went dress shopping with just one of my MOH- I think if you have more than 2 or 3 opinions, it’s too much. Just start shopping with your friend instead.
Post # 6
I think you should plan another “getting to know you” type event— maybe all go for mani/pedi’s together— and go dress shopping with just one other person. Can be your stepmom, your MoH, a friend who’s not in the wedding party, or your fiance. Really anyone, as long as you trust their opinion and feel comfortable being half-naked in front of them. Dress shopping can be an overwhelming experience, and is pretty emotional (not the weepy kind, hopefully) and the more people you get in the mix, the more overwhelming it becomes for you.
Post # 7
I would suggest you just go with a close friend/ family member. The big groups never seem to work out- someone hates it, someone loves it- just too many opinions to have fun.
The dates you have listed might not be real, but if they are, I would strongly suggest you go more than 5 months out. Many dresses take 6 months to come in and you have to give yourself some time to get alterations.
Post # 8
I actually really liked shopping alone. Just me and the consultant to narrow down my likes, and then I bring my family after.
Post # 9
@RunsWithBears: I agree.
For my first couple of trips out I took a larger group, mainly for the experience. However, as it became time for me to finally choose I ended up just taking my aunt and best friend to narrow down the field. In the end I purchased my dress when I was alone, yep alone! I needed to hear my own thoughts without anyone else influencing me.
Post # 10
I think you should do a little of both. I actually think bringing them all along would be a good ice breaker in meeting each other. They are there on common ground, and have something to discuss while you’re in the dressing room. 🙂
BUT, I would only do that once. Too many people and their opinions tends to be stressful. At least to me. Each time I went I only took one person. (I don’t have a big family to take along) But even only taking one at a time, I ended up letting their opinions sway me. Finally after about 160 dresses (excessive, I know) I ended up making my mind up on a trip I made all by myself without telling anyone, and decided not to care what any of them thought. 🙂
Good luck and have fun!
Post # 11
The fewer the better. I found my dress when I was shopping alone. I did the whole mom and sisters thing. It was fun and memorable but it was overwhelming. There are a lot of opinions and you start to lose focus on your own voice. Plus, they got tired (we did 3 stores because I came from OOT) and I was annoyed by that.
Post # 12
I went first with my Mom and Future Mother-In-Law, the second (and last) time I went with my Mom and Aunt. When I brought my FSILs and MOH in to look at BM dresses – they immediately went “eh” when they saw my dress on the rack, then I overheard them talking about how simple it was and how they’d never wear something like it – I almost cried. When I tried it on though, they totally changed their tune and loved it – but honestly? If they would’ve all went with me originally they probably would’ve talked me out of trying it on in the first place.
Anyway, point: I wouldn’t bring a whole crew. At the end of the day I was glad I went with only a couple people at a time. Too many opinions can make you second guess a dress that you otherwise would love.
Post # 13
Bring the whole crew for fun for the first time.
There are some people who, being with you to try on a few dresses, it will mean the world to them.
Then, for the second time, if needed, bring a small portion of people who will really be honest, but also know you well enough to know when you say “this is the dress” that it is your dress.
My first time I got all dolled up/makeup/hair and had my mom and 3 bridesmaids-the 3 maids all started crying over one of the dresses I tried on…….I was not feeling it at all, but was confused because I thought maybe I was missing the moment.
The second time I had just had a brutal day at school/no makeup/horrible bun on my head/felt gross and I brought my Mom and Maid/Matron of Honor. They let me talk out how I felt in each dress. I was not overwhelmned and I actually found my dress when I least expected it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
When I shopped with friends, I think I tried on 6 dresses in an hour. I had prance out to the mirror for all to see, even when I knew I didn’t like the dress.
I went alone from then on. I usually got through 10-12 dresses in an hour when I worked with a consultant alone.
Post # 15
Wow, thanks for the great advice everyone! I will probably find another easy activity for us to all bond over. (I forgot to mention that the stepmother is cheeeeeeaaaaap and while my budget is under $1000 already, I don’t want to risk her making a comment about a dress being a waste of money.)
@Villeroy: My dates are bogus, but thanks for the warning. I set up my account long before I got a ring so I need to go back and update it. The realy date is October 2013, so I have lots of time.
Post # 16
I brought my mom, sister and dad. they were honest, but kind….and it was nice not to have a million different opinions being thrown in my direction. I took a few other people to my next appointments after I had already chosen my dress… that way they couldn’t say much if they didn’t like it!