Post # 31
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I think it’s because it’s traditional and it fits with what society generally expects. There’s pressure on the one side that says you have to propose with a diamond and it should cost X months salary (although I’d like to think the whole “it has to cost this amount” thing is waning) and on the other side they are told if it’s not of a certain size and certain color, then their SO obviously doesn’t love them as much because they didn’t “prove” their love by saving X amount of money for a stone.
I puts unnecessary pressure on people and turns what should be a gift given when asking someone to spend their life with you into a competition.
Post # 32
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
MissMul : Just based on what I see in friends my age, they still care about the ring, but they’re more open to more affordable alternatives to a diamond or simply want something different. I think smaller diamonds used to be the norm (what people could afford), but bigger diamonds or simulants or gemstones are more common now.
I do think the proposal is important; it seems like everyone wants to have a big story to tell. I mean, look at teens with their over-the-top “promposals”! lol I’m not judging, my husband proposed on the beach in Jamaica and captured it all with his GoPro. It was super romantic and such a special moment, so I can see why people want to go above and beyond to ask the love of their life to marry them.
Post # 33
ladyvictoria : Thanks for sharing! Your proposal sounds amaaaaaazing 🙂
Also, I hadn’t thought of the ‘promposals’ loooool, you are so right! It’s the performance of it all has become so crucial. It makes sense in our hyperconnected world.
Post # 34
I think it’s a combination of all of the above.
I got a sapphire engagement ring so I can’t speak about personal reasons but the majority of my friends have diamonds and most of them told me they hadn’t even considered that you could choose something else.
In movies, on TV, most of the women around you (in the US) they all have diamond engagement rings. It makes sense that when you think engagement ring you think diamond.
I think we might, very very slowly, see people trend away from diamonds though. Millennials love to be different, show personal style, stand out from the crowd (I know I like that my sapphire stands out in the sea of diamonds) and tend to be more environmentally and socially conscious in thier decisions. So I wouldn’t be surprised if one day diamonds aren’t the standard and I think maybe we are at the beginning of that.
Post # 35
MissMul : Well, personally, my father is very into jewelry. (think, MR. T) Had Darling Husband proposed to me with something other than a diamond he would have been upset by that because he believes a diamond to be THE stone and anything else would been an insult to my value in his eyes. He would have equated that to Darling Husband not being serious about me, not valuing me, not giving me what I “deserve”, not being able to provide for me, take your pick. As was, even getting a diamond ring there was still a joke made about it being a “chip”.
I know that sounds kind of terrible but its the generation/culture that he comes from. He had never even heard of a moissy until recently when I was telling him about it in conversation and trying to explain what is was and he was curious to if he used his diamond tester on one what it would show up as. To him if its clear and not a diamond then its a CZ which means fake/cheap.
Honestly, I will likely never choose to own an alternative stone for those reasons. After having a thought process engrained into you for so long it would be hard for me to own something like a moissy and not look at it as “less than” in some deep part of my mind.
Post # 36
slomotion : Your Dad sounds AWESOME 🙂 I don’t think it sounds terrible, and of course people from different generations think differently! Also, sounds like he works in the industry (if he has a diamond tester machine thingy), so he’s going to have a different view.
The next generation’s views on diamonds might be totally different to ours! 🙂
Post # 37
MissMul : I was actually open to a non diamond because I didn’t want him spending too much money. I suggested other stones but it was important to him to have a diamond. I had actually never heard of moissys until I joined this board! I probably wouldn’t choose it unless I could see it in person.
i have a .5 princess cut diamond with G colour.
Post # 38
Honestly I just prefer diamonds and it was affordable for us as smaller engagement rings are more popular where im from. I wanted something colourless and everything ive ever owned that was CZ went cloudy after a year or two. Diamonds are hard, durable, beautiful and match the paved wedding rings which I wanted. Where I lived at the time moissanites were not available in store, and I wanted to be able to try on my ring and see the gem in person. Diamonds are so readily available in stores that unless I wanted to pay more money for shipping etc.. other stones would have been harder to come by in the style of ring that I wanted. In fact when shopping I barely saw any other gem being used in engagement rings. I do love other engagement gems (especially emeralds and sapphires) but diamonds were the right choice for me.
Post # 39
MissMul : Actually, he owns his own business doing data communications/remodels/construction sort of stuff which makes it all the more hilarious he has a diamond tester! That should tell you just how into jewelry he is!
My dad has given me fine jewelry since a very early age so I think there were a lot of expectations about what my ring should be.
Post # 40
- Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada
There are a few things at play, unlike what you may read online a VERY large percentage of ring shoppers still go to retail chains to buy their engagement rings. When you walk into a Peoples, Kay, Zales, Tiffany, De Beers, their engagement section is all diamonds and you would have to specifically ask for an alternate to be shown one. They don’t ask “are you looking for diamond?” They ask “what shape of diamond are you looking for?” Its only when shoppers research in detail online that they will see all the other options out there.
There is also a cultural expectation that a proposal is a grand gesture requiring a huge financial investment which deters people away from buying jewelry that a woman might already have gotten herself for casual wear like sterling silver or CZ. It’s assumed that you’re going to purchase her most highly valued piece by a long shot.
Younger generations are starting to realize there are a lot of stones that are equal to the naked eye and much more affordable. Some are more ethical as well. Colored stones will become more popular when the consumer starts expecting retailers to display them but I think that will take some time. Until diamond prices come down I think we will be drawn to the high price the same way we are drawn to high price designer clothes. There are as many people who want a diamond BECAUSE the cost makes them hard to get, as there are people steered away due to cost.
Post # 41
I actually considered a moissy when we were looking, but I actually don’t like the huge rainbow shadows that it casts. I like the classic look of the diamond much better.
Post # 42
I think that there is a lot of societal expectations to receive a diamond. They are flashy; they are coveted due to their prominent status; and they are classic at this point. I knew about the whole issue of diamonds being not exactly rare and how they are held to increase market value. I do think that it’s a bit incorrect to say that engagement rings were invented by DeBeers as a marketing stunt. Historically, that’s incorrect. What would be more correct would be to suggest that the seeing them in all classes with a diamond specifically was pushed by that marketing. I still went with diamond side stones to my sapphire. I feel like a lot of the items that we consider valuable are only so due to how we are told to covet them. So it didn’t matter as much to me. I do think moissanite is pretty, and I had considered it as some point, but the diamond means something to my mother and mother-in-law, who both know the history as well, and so I went with that.
Post # 43
Diamond is the most durable, I prefer natural things, diamond rings are far more available pre-owned than anything else, and the majority of moissanite rings are not only more expensive than pre-owned diamonds, but also much larger than I’d be comfortable wearing.
Post # 44
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
I have a sapphire engagement ring and I wouldn’t trade it for any other ring or stone! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people ask “is that an engagement ring or cocktail ring?” or the funny or shocked looks once they see it’s blue! When Darling Husband first told my parents of his proposal plans and showed them the ring he designed and had custom made, they were very upset that it was not a diamond. After the enagagement my mom told me I should add a diamond halo… I found comments from my family and some others to be very rude in the sense of “it’s not a diamond?! Add diamonds!” type of comments.
I think society says “diamond engagement ring” is the standard. Which really came from the DeBeers marketing campaign. I had a friends daughter who is about 13 look at my ring and say “I didn’t know you could get a colored one! I want mine to be green!” and I explained to her all about different gemstones and how emerald would look beautiful in a ring.
People assume that my ring was inexpensive because it’s not a diamond which is not accurate. It still came with a hefty price tag. The difference is that the value of the stone is accurate for the rareness and cut and color whereas the value of diamonds are falsely inflated because they are not as rare as they are made to seem.
That being said, I wish more people would be open to other options. Until I found the bee, I had only ever seen one engagement ring besides mine that wasn’t a diamond. If you like diamonds and you want one, by all means get a diamond, but if you like morganite, sapphire, ruby, emeralds, moonstone, or anything else go for it! It’s something that represents you and your partner so it should reflect you both.
Post # 45
We went with diamond mainly because it’s traditional. I do think diamonds are absolutely beautiful but so are lots of other gemstones. I would have considered other stones. I did however know that I wanted a “white” stone for its neutrality but at the time I wasn’t interested in any diamond sims, because right or wrong there is a bit of a stigma lingering about simulants and I just wasn’t interested in going down that route for my e-ring (though I certainly thing that stigma is beginning to fade). We could afford a diamond, that’s what we preferred, so that’s what we went with.