Post # 1
This topic came up in the break room at work and I was curious how others brides felt that received either a cheap gift from someone or no gift at all. Some of the women at work said they were very offended and chose to not give elaborate gifts to those people in the future.
For our wedding, DH and I received a $5 Walmart candle holder from Brother-In-Law and his Fiance, while not something we were expecting we sent a thank you card regardless. We even purchased a few items from their wedding registry for their upcoming wedding, but after listening to the women at work I’m wondering if we went overboard. His brother and Fiance weren’t struggling financially so receiving the gift we did from them was kind of confusing, especially since our relationship with them has always been on good terms. We had another couple that we were always generous to that came to both our wedding reception and baby shower empty handed, and while we thought it was poor etiquette, we still try to take the high road and give thoughtful gifts at their own events.
If you received an inexpensive gift or no gift at all, would you personally be offended? Would this affect how you choose to gift those people in the future? Not looking for a debate just curious how other brides personally feel in that scenario.
Post # 2
Well, yeah. Who shows up to a baby shower or wedding with no gift???
And a five dollar candle holder? That is not an appropriate wedding gift.
In the past, I’ve had a close friend come to my child’s birthday party with no gift. She called me before hand and said that she was having a hard time financially and that she didn’t want to come because she couldn’t afford a gift. I told her no, please come and don’t worry about a gift. In a case like that I wouldn’t be offended, but that doesn’t sound like what you’re describing.
Post # 3
Personally, no. It would not offend me and I wouldn’t do a tit for tat in my future gifting based on how they materially gifted me.
Post # 4
There is not supposed to be any entitlement or expectation of a gift on the receiving side. But on the giving side it is, depending on the source somewhere between very customary and obligatory.
Personally, I can’t imagine being a guest to a wedding and not being moved to mark the occasion commensurate with my budget and closeness of the relationship. Sometimes there are significant financial or other pressures on people you know nothing about. People do have a year to give a wedding gift.
Post # 5
No, I wouldn’t be offended at all. A gift is not necessary and if someone is generous enough to give a gift there is no dollar minimum that they have to spend.
Post # 6
I never really take notice of those things. If someone gives a gift, I send the card. If they don’t, they don’t. I can’t tell you who didn’t send one – I am sure we had those who didn’t or who didn’t send a great one. All gifts are appreciated and I guess folks did the best they could at the time. It doesn’t h ave any effect on what I gift in the future. I buy gifts to enhance my own joy.
Post # 7
I don’t think offended is the right word for how I’d feel, but no gift at all definitely made me reevaluate a friendship. I had a call from a friend very enthusiastic about attending our wedding, bringing a +1, etc. In the end she didn’t RSVP, I had to chase it down, didn’t send a gift, didn’t send a card. Was it required? No. But she’s supposed to have been a very good friend of mine and obviously we’ve drifted apart. She took a good 5 vacations that year (her choice but ouch) and she actually stopped returning phone calls as well, so I gave it all up. Two years later she just discovered I’m pregnant and suddenly I got a long, friendly text after not hearing from her for ages (discounting facebook). If/when she gets married, you can bet I’m not flying across the country to attend hers either, but I probably would send a small gift. My uncle did the same, minus the vacations of his own – I’m disappointed that my own uncle couldn’t be bothered to send so much as a card, but offended is still not the right word.
A cheap gift? Those make me laugh and I don’t worry about it. Likewise the tacky gift we were given that was obviously bought the day before at the wedding location. It just amuses and I know their heart was in the right place. If I had been in a situation where I had to give something cheap and later that couple sent me multiple gifts, I’d either be grateful or I’d think they were trying to drop a pretty blatant hint on me – likely depending on my own life at that time. Hard to say.
I don’t see the point of attending a shower empty handed – that’s the whole reason for a shower. I’d cock an eyebrow for sure – why’d they attend, the free food?
Post # 8
No, I wouldn’t be offended. I would assume there was a valid reason, though I would never ask. I think of gifts as generous and always appreciate them, but I never expect them.
It is very difficult to offend me. I am extremely easy going with the people in my life.
Post # 9
I’m genuinely curious about your response. Would you really spend a lot of money on a gift for someone who had no financial hardship, but didn’t give you one for your wedding?
Call me petty, but I just don’t get it. If someone is too cheap/inconsiderate to get me a gift, I’m not spending another dime on their registries, etc. It seems pretty doormaty to let people treat you that way. I am truly curious why it doesn’t bother you.
Post # 10
For my bridal shower my DH’s step-grandma gave me stuff she had gotten for gambling at our local casino, when I opened the gifts there was the casino name all over the outside of the boxes and I know a few people made comments about it. I was more offended that she just gave us stuff she got for free from the casino and put no thought into our gift than I was by the value of it.
Post # 11
I sent out a thank you card to everyone who attended our wedding. Some didn’t give a gift or card but I still thanked them for celebrating with us
Post # 12
I’m gonna be real, I would be offended a little. Unless they attended a destination wedding? That’s different because that costs a lot. I spent thousands to attend and be in a friends wedding, we live in different states. This friend couldn’t come to mine and I had already bought the bridesmaids gift. The bridesmaids gift cost more than the gift we got from her. I tried hard not to be offended but I was. Plus it wasn’t even a gift for a place we could afford so I had top get like a single spoon, it was weird. Then on top of that she avoided my texts when in town after she essentially promised to take us out to dinner. So I know something is up but I don’t know what. I was hurt more by the text ignore on top of it all. Plus I was putting in the effort in the friendship and it wasn’t reciprocal. Had it just been the gift, I wouldn’t have been offended it was the culmination of things.
I suspect that’s what you’re really offended by. If she really could only afford $5 then I bet you’d be thrilled. But it’s the fact that you take more care. It’s not the price is the thought. An expensive thoughtless gift is just as troubling as a cheap thoughtless gift. Like me, if a friend got me the worlds best chocolate covered peanuts, it would be useless because I’m allergic. I’d be like wtf?
Think hard and I’ll bet it’s more than the gift.
Post # 13
Yes, I would gift and I have gifted in such a scenario. I don’t really think it needs an explanation or a debate. I won’t call you petty. I just simply don’t have the same feelings as you and I have different standards for which I use to gauge what an unhealthy relationship is. If you have a relationship that is not mutually fulfilling or is unhealthy, their lack of reciprocating material things isn’t going to be the main indicator.
I don’t expect people’s money to show consideration. As for my wedding, all I expected and hoped for was attendance. Having people’s presence and their contribution to making those memories with me on that day were what I considered a gift. Extra on that was just that…extra. When I gift others, which I love to do, I don’t ever do it with a feeling that it must be reciprocated then or in the future.
Post # 14
Honestly, I would be offended. Why show up to a wedding and not have the decency to give a gift? And it usually is not the wedding party or close family who does this… it is usually people who seek out invites, then get invited out of politeness, bring a plus 1, 2, or 3 because they love free food and alcohol and dancing but then don’t give anything to the bride and groom who subsidized their fun night. 😑
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I was not offended when some people who attended my wedding didn’t give gifts. I didn’t invite them to my wedding because I wanted them to give me things, it was because I wanted to have them there to celebrate an important day with me. Gifts are nice, but I don’t hold a grudge against anyone who didn’t give one. Those people are my friends and family. Our relationship isn’t so flimsy that it would be damaged by whether or not I was given a gift, and it certainly wouldn’t impact what I decided to give them as a gift in return.