Post # 31
KittyYogi : Not everyone lives 10 minutes from a hospital. 😉 There are plenty of people who live in areas where they frequently have to travel 1+ hours to a hospital. It’s not some crazy notion, although I can see where people who are used to have instant medical access could see traveling 1.5 hours to have a baby to be unheard of. Can you see why saying you can’t believe ANYONE would voted yes sounds a little condescending?
I delivered my baby at a hospital 1.5 hrs from me. Likewise I was born at a hospital 2 hours from where my parents lived, as did my brother, and pretty much everyone else I grew up with.
Honestly I think the OP just needs to talk to the bride & groom about the situation and wait it out to see how she feels as she gets closer to the date. Some people are miserable at 39w while others feel totally fine. Who knows, at that point going and doing a little dancing at the reception might get things moving and help with progressing labor. Most people don’t have this “omg I think I’m in labor we must go to the hospital RIGHT NOW” moment. Does it happen? Sure, that doesn’t mean it’s common. If she feels like going to the wedding and goes into labor I highly doubt the 1.5 hrs it’s going to take her to get to the hospital is even going to be a big deal. If the OP’s husband is close enough with the couple ot be the best man I’d like to think they’re going to be ok with the fact they might not make it.
Post # 32
Brickette : I wouldnt go. I had a very healthy pregnancy then randomly at 36 weeks I got high blood pressure out of the blue and had to be induced at 37 weeks. My point is you cant really predict when and how you will go into labor and your dh probably shouldnt commit to being the best man when there is a chance you guys wont even be able to go. I would just tell your friends the truth. Congrats by the way!
Post # 33
starfish0116 : sorry if my surprise came across as condescension. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so hyperbolic 🙂 I live in the least populated, one of the most rural states in the country so I’m quite used to driving 1.5 hours to the nearest Target etc. but I guess given that most people in the US live in cities and suburbs, I am assuming that 1.5 hrs to nearest hospital is not a common occurrence.
Post # 34
Brickette : I wouldn’t go, but I wouldn’t tell my husband that he couldn’t go or that he couldn’t be the best man. Clearly he should tell the couple that there’s a chance he might have to miss and if they are not ok with that, they can be the ones to tell him he can’t be the best man. But I don’t see why me definitely not going has to mean that he definitely can’t go either. If the day comes and it’s looking like labor is imminent, we’ll probably decide that he’s going to stay home. But if there are no signs, I’d be fine staying home while he goes and supports our friends. The only caveat would be that his phone stays on and he stays sober so he can hightail it home afterwards or as soon as someone calls to tell him it’s go-time. Even if I did go into labor that day, the chance of the baby coming before he could get home, is slim enough that I would be willing to chance it.
Post # 35
Thanks so much for all the replies! The bride and groom are aware that I am pregnant and of my due date I am not sure if they have put the two dates together as they haven’t mentioned anything to us.
My husband and I had a talk about it after reading your replies and we think we would feel more comfortable not attending the wedding. I suffer from a bit of anxiety and as this is our first child and we struggled with infertility for 2 years we are a little over cautious right now and are trying to make everything as simple and stress free as possible. We did talk about Darling Husband going alone and just not drinking at the wedding in case he needed to leave and come back to me but he said he would not enjoy himself because he’d be too worried about me being so far away without him.
We also looked at this hospitals near the wedding location but as it is a small country town the hospitals aren’t really known for their maternity wards!
While our friends will be bummed that we won’t be attending I think they will support our decision.
Thank you again everyone 🙂
Post # 36
- Wedding: November 2018 - Australia
In theory I would go, but in reality at that stage you would be extremely pregnant and uncomfortable. I would sit out just this time.
Post # 37
I wouldn’t go but I’d let my husband go for the ceremony and maybe come back early. I’d make sure he kept his phone on and just be fully transparent with the bride and groom – if baby comes he’s gotta go. If you’re worried about being on your own maybe you have a family member who could visit with you for a few hours?
Edit – nevermind! I just saw your update. Glad you’re both doing what you’re comfortable with. I’m sure the bride and groom will understand.
Post # 38
Brickette : there is no answer with a big enough N.OOOOO. LOL
I may have gone if it was in my city and within 15-30 mins of the hospital like I am now (depending on traffic) i am not even TTC yet and your delema made me anxious.
Post # 39
Yeah, I wouldn’t plan on going. I ended up having my son early at 36 weeks due to complications. Even if you’re still pregnant, there’s a decent chance you won’t feel up to an hour and a half drive each way.
We invited a couple to our wedding who were due the month following our wedding and they declined (I think she would have been around 36 weeks at the wedding). We totally understood the decision!
Post # 40
No, I wouldn’t go. I went to a wedding when I was 37 weeks pregnant, 30mins drive from my house (and also 30mins from my hospital) and it was very exhausting. Nobody really appreciated how much effort I had to go to to talk to people. At that point in my pregnancy I was just huge and bloated and did not feel like trying to be glamorous at a wedding. At 39+ weeks I definitely wouldn’t have gone. Also, with my first baby, my waters broke and gushed like crazy all over the place. There is no way I would have liked that to happen at someone’s wedding.
Post # 41
Brickette : it’s ur first even if u go into labor it’s highly unlikely that ul have the baby that fast
And who cares about your doctor he or she might not even be on call when u do go into labor so if need be u can go to a local hospital
Post # 42
motherbee33 : uh true…but generally you’d want to be at the hospital where your OB’s practice rotates, which likely is closer to home. Otherwise you’ll get a random doctor at a random hospital. Very few people would be comfortable with that as the plan going into it.
Post # 43
I wouldn’t have made it to hospital with either of mine if I’d had to travel 1.5 hours.
Yes its unlikely that a FTM will be that quick, but it can be. motherbee33 :
Post # 44
I’d RSVP tentatively yes, and tell them I’d be there if I hadn’t had the baby and felt fine, but would make sure that Darling Husband wasn’t actually in the wedding. I live in a small city with approximately one crappy hospital, so almost everyone I know who has babies drives to the nearest big city (50-80 minutes away, depending on traffic) that has a prestigious med school/several awesome hospitals.
I haven’t had a baby, so maybe I’ll be one of those pregnant people who feels awful, but plenty of people feel fine all the way through. It’s a total crapshoot, so planning for the best while having an out sounds like the way to go.
Post # 45
Forgot to mention…we went to a concert that was about a two hour drive away when I was about 38 weeks and change. The concert itself was fun, but the drive to and from was SO STRESSFUL for me. I was a ball of angst. I was so worried we’d get in an accident for some reason…it just felt reckless to me to be driving that far when my due date was so close, but this concert was really important to my husband so I went with him. I’ll never forget the drive back home afterward. I suddenly started having the most painful cramps…I seriously thought I might be in labor. And it was pouring down rain and the roads were awful…I was a nervous wreck. Turns out it was a false alarm, but I did wind up having the baby a mere four days later after my water spontaneously broke, so I def think we cut it too close with that one! If I have another baby I wouldn’t travel more than 45 min away I dont think after 37 weeks.