(Closed) Poll: Would you leave your significant other if he never proposed

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would have to, as I am Canadian and he is British. We decided years ago that we were going to get married before my visa expired because we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. So if he didn’t propose, we’d break up. I wouldn’t be willing to do long distance again, as we already did it for 2 years between when we started dating and when I moved in with him over a year ago.

In a different situation, I think I would also leave him if he didn’t propose after what I considered to be “too long”. If I had been ready and waiting for years and he just wouldn’t do it, then I’d want to be with somebody who genuinely wanted to marry me.

Post # 3
Member
7097 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes, because having a family is important to me, and I’m not interested in doing so outside of a marriage. That being said, we were together 12 years before getting married. We started dating young, in high school, so realistically you can shave at least 4 years off that number before marriage really comes into the equation. 

I think everyone has a different comfort level of “too long”. Would I have waited much longer? Probably not, but there are plenty of people who would move on after a couple of years. To each his own. I just knew for myself, I am not interested in having kids outside of a marriage. It works for other people just not for me. 

Post # 4
Member
1322 posts
Bumble bee

It’s not the being married I find more important, it’s the concern for issues in the relationship if he wasn’t comfortable making a life-time committment to me. So yes, I probably would, unless there was some extenuating circumstance that made marriage for my SO particularly difficult, but I can’t think of a situation that would qualify off of the top of my head.

Post # 5
Member
13753 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would not leave him because of a proposal.  I love him.  We lived together before being married, and once we did get married, nothing really changed.  I love being married to him, but I love the idea of being with him more than that.  I wouldn’t give him up over a legal technicality.  (To be fair though, we didn’t have any visa/immigration issues to contend with!)

Post # 6
Member
2664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

jewellight:  It would depend on why he didn’t want to get married. If he simply didn’t ‘believe’ in marriage then I wouldn’t care. But I think marriage is useful lawfully.

Post # 7
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

No, I wouldn’t leave him. Of course I want to marry him, but it’s not a deal breaker. The only point at which I would “require” marriage was if he wanted to start a family. I’m indifferent about having kids so if he decided he didn’t want children then we could stay unmarried and just be together and that would be fine for me. However he very much wants kids, so if he wanted kids without marriage he’d have to do that with someone else.

Post # 8
Member
4081 posts
Honey bee

jewellight:  yes. If Fiance hadn’t proposed by the 5 year mark, I would have walked. 

Post # 9
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

Yes.  Not marrying my husband would have been a dealbreaker.  We both believe in marriage and were honest about this early on in our relationship, so expectations were clear.  If he changed his mind on me I would have left.  Same thing with kids.

I also have the standard that I only lived with a man who was going to be my husband, so we would have never lived together.  I would also never want to make a child with a man that wasn’t my husband first, and he wants kids (as do I).  

Post # 10
Member
3540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

jewellight:  for the longest time I thought I would leave if a bf put off proposing longer than 3 or 4 years. Fiance proposed right on my “timeline”, but several months ago I realized I probably would have stayed with him forever, regardless of marriage or not (we own a home together and have built a life, even without making it “official”). Now, do I feel that way bc he did propose and Im not a waiting bee?  Would I still feel that way even if I was still waiting for a ring and he had told me marriage may not be in our future? I can’t answer that. 

Edited to add: i am 33 and with all my dating history, I can honestly say Fiance is the perfect man for me. I think that outweighs rolling the dice and hoping for someone else even 50% that compatible just for a piece of paper. 

Post # 11
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

jewellight:  it all depends on the reasons WHY he wouldn’t want to get married…. 

Post # 12
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee

jewellight:  No I would not, I love him and just want to be with him. Paper or no paper. We don’t plan on having kids so the most important thing to us would be just to be together. I would discuss it with him and find out his reasons for thinking this way and go from there.

Post # 13
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Being with him is more important to me than being married. I would want some legal protections in place like a medical power of attorney though.  One of my worst nightmares is if one of us got seriously hurt and the other one couldn’t visit the hospital or make medical decisions because we aren’t legally family.  

Post # 14
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I was never wedding-crazy until AFTER he proposed so no, I don’t think it’d have mattered much to me if we were just life partners. I’ve always supported marriage and hoped I’d be married someday but I didn’t feel any particular need to do it either. He was the one more interested in committing to a ring and ceremony – we talked about it early on and he let me know he wanted to buy the ring asap. I guess knowing I found the man I wanted to be with forever was enough for me but yes, realizing he wanted to get married too was really wonderful. I wouldn’t have left him if he hadn’t though, but I do think it makes sense to do it – financially, etc.

Post # 15
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

not wanting marriage is a deal breaker for me, so yes

The topic ‘Poll: Would you leave your significant other if he never proposed’ is closed to new replies.

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