(Closed) Poll: Would you leave your significant other if he never proposed

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

jewellight:  

If I’d already determined that marriage was a dealbreaker, yes I would leave. How about you?

 

Post # 17
Member
9454 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

yes.  I knew from the start that my Fiance believed in marriage, so if he didn’t propose I’d take that to mean that despite whatever he was saying.. actions speak louder and he didn’t actually want to marry me.  I’d leave.

If I was with someone who didn’t believe in marriage then it’d be different.  It’d be on a case by case bsais.

Post # 18
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I never thought about leaving. It took my Fiance 11 years to propose. we love each other and want to spend the rest of our life’s together married or not.

Post # 19
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - Black Mountain Lodge at Arapahoe Basin

I would not. To me, our relationship is more important than the title of husband and wife. We share finances, pets, property, vehicles and much more already (including medical power of attorney so we’re able to make medical decisions if necessary – good point PP!) so I wouldn’t walk away from that unless his reasoning for not getting married is something that I couldn’t understand. We are not having children, so that’s not a factor for us. 

Post # 20
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

Yes, I would. I’m not overly traditional but marriage to me is extremely important- i see it almost as the ultimate echelon to the relationship. I would also not have children out of wedlock. 

My Fiance isn’t massive on when we get married but he always was going to. If he never wanted to marry me or didn’t believe in it, I would move on to find someone who WANTED to marry me.

We have bought our house together, adopted a furbaby and we are getting married next year. Kids are on the table but not for a while! So luckily I never had to worry 🙂 

Post # 21
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Yes. Marriage and having a family is very important to me. He has to want the same thing for himself as well. I’m not going to give up marriage and having a family just to please him. 

Post # 22
Member
9089 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

No. Marriage was not a deal breaker for me. 

Post # 23
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Yep, I told my Fiance that I wouldn’t move in unless marriage was in our future.  We’re older (45 and 63) and there is no way I was going to invest the best years of my life (financially stable and kids grown and out of the house) with someone who wasn’t interested in making sure our relationship had all of the legal protections provided by law.  We both have kids from prior relationships and at some point (hopefully later than sooner) one (or both) of us will surely have medical problems; without a legal marriage the kids could come in an make all medical decsisons, inherit all assets, etc. despite our actual wishes.  Also, he is going to retire in a few years and wants to spend a lot of time traveling.  That sounds great to me, but it will signficantly impact my future earnings.  Again, no way would I agree to that without the legal protections of marriage.  

I didn’t give him a timeline, other than to say that I would not invest a lot of years without marriage being on the radar.  Luckily he understood and agreed.

Post # 24
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

I agree that it would depend on why he didn’t want to get married.  If he said he didn’t want to get married as some anti-institution statement, I would be way more okay with that than if it had something to do with not wanting to commit to our relationship.  My aunt and uncle were together for 20 years before they got married, and they only got married because of his pension benefits.  I would have no problem doing the same.  It’s more important to me that we’re together than what the law thinks of our relationship.

Post # 25
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Yes. I think I deserve somebody who really wanted to be with me and be commited to me. I wanted someone to love me that much (and thought I was that special) to wanted me to be more than just another girlfriend. And I wanted a family. I wanted that commitment between us first and then bring a child into our union. And that is just what we did.

Post # 26
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes, I would have. The legal protections of marriage are too important to me, and we were always on the same page about getting married eventually. The deal breaker date in my head was probably about 3 years from when he ended up proposing, so it never got too real.

Post # 27
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t care one bit about getting married, so I would have been happy to wait forever. My Darling Husband very much wanted to get married but I don’t think it would have been a deal breaker for him if I hadn’t come around to the idea. 

Post # 28
Member
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t think I would have started a relationship with Darling Husband if he was one of those “doesn’t believe in marriage” folks. I honestly can’t understand that mindset, so I think it would cause issues. I would not start a family if I was not married and the legal protections are very important to me down the line. I do not live in a common law state where you can get those protections without being married. Luckily, Darling Husband and I were on the same page from the beginning about this, if he would have changed his mind about marriage, then I would have probably walked.

Post # 29
Member
5025 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Personally I feel marriage does not alter the level of commitment between two individuals.  So yes, I would remain with my SO whether or not he proposed.

Post # 30
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Just a follow up note in response to the posters who mention common law marriages:  First, very few people are covered by common law marriage — the vast majority of states don’t recognize it.  Second, even of the states that do recognize common law marriage, the rights are limited – they are not the full legal rights of a legal marriage.  For example, property is not assumed to be jointly owned, and a surviving “spouse” must prove the validity of the marriage, which may not be easy to do if others are contesting it.  For more details see:  https://www.legalzoom.com/articles/fact-or-fiction-five-myths-about-common-law-marriage

 

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