Post # 46
This one is tough. I want a family unit and children and I don’t believe in doing so outside of marriage. We both hold religious beliefs in that situation, so we’d never have a family together if we didn’t get married. I also had the standard for myself that I would not move in with someone unless we were, at least, engaged. We got engaged in November 2014 and moved in together February 1st, 2015. I think the fact that we are on the same page in terms of both of those “deal breakers” made it a bit easier for us. Our timelines are a little different but we knew what we wanted. Had we had different expectations of such a thing, we might have had a deal breaker.
Post # 47
Agree with everything Echomomm said. Marriage isn’t just a piece of paper, it gives you a ton of rights regarding your partner. I also believe it really cements your relationship and makes it “legit.” It means A LOT that someone takes a vow to be with you through all the ups and downs of life.
Post # 48
jewellight: If I was ready for a family and they refused to marry then yes I would leave. I feel strongly about marriage before children, as a sort of insurance policy. I mean I know you can still get divorced, but your assets are more protected and it’s not such a simple process. I would happily forego a wedding and get married in private at the courthouse.
If I decided I didn’t want children, I would be happy to stay defacto indefinitely. Some of the strongest relationships I’ve known have been defacto.
Post # 49
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
jewellight: I love my husband partially because he was willing to commit himself to me for life. If he had told me he wanted to stay together but wouldn’t make that commitment, I would leave. I have no interest in playing house with someone who can’t tell me they want to spend their life with me.
Post # 50
I always wanted children and I always said I wouldn’t stay with someone who didn’t want kids. I’ve dated just one person in my life (my fiancee) whom I met at 36 last year. Pretty early on I thought to myself, if he didn’t want kids, I don’t know what I’d do. I’m not saying I would have left or stayed, but it would be a difficult choice, and it surprised me that I would have considered a child-less life with him (lucky for me we both want multiple children).
So I’m guessing that if I was ready to maybe forsake children for a life with him, marriage would have been the same 🙂
Post # 51
Sure would. He proposed a month before my secret deadline. I didn’t tell him I had one because I didn’t want to give him an ultimatium. I would have been fine with no ring and a justice of the peace in our living room (we don’t have the courthouse option in my province) as I didn’t want a wedding just marriage. Common law where we are is as binding as marriage after three years (6 months I think where we used to live) so it was all about commitment by free will. Also, I was just plain tired of calling him my boyfriend, partner or significant other.
Post # 52
Yep, he proposed this July thankfully but if it had gotten until mid next year without a proposal I would have left, I want marriage, he knew that pretty early on and I think Marriage and Children are the 2 things you need to be on the same page about with relationships
Post # 53
My Darling Husband and I both agreed we would never be with someone who didn’t want to get married. We had this talk early on. I wouldn’t have stayed if he didn’t want to get married and he wouldn’t have stayed if I didn’t want to get married. We both want children and our values are more traditional. Everyone has their own opinion and are free to make their own choices. It’s important to find a partner that has the same values as you!
Post # 54
Yes – deal breaker for me!
Post # 55
Yes. He never would have become my SO — in fact, we never would have even bothered to meet in person after connecting online and speaking via electronic messages, texts, and phone — if the other person wasn’t specifically looking for a relationship that could lead to marriage.
Post # 56
Up front I’ve been clear with the guys I’ve dated seriously, not getting married is a deal breaker. If they change their minds or don’t propose (my limit is 3 years, since I’m an adult in my late 20s and don’t want to wait forever) than I’m out of here. I don’t worry about my SO because we’ve been together a little over a year and he already has picked a day he wants to propose to me on (I don’t know it… ahhh! I hate surprises!). I definitely wouldn’t live with/have kids with/buy a house with a guy I wasn’t engaged/married to, though.
Post # 57
jewellight: Yes, I absolutely would have left him.
Marriage was important to me and if we hadn’t seen eye to eye on that, I would not have considered us compatible.
I didn’t really tell him this, but I would not have dated more than two years without a proposal. Fortunately, he came through about nine months before the deadline, lol.
Post # 58
We dated for 8.5 years and not a single time did I think “I’m going to leave him if he doesn’t propose” – he is by my side for the rest of my life, husband, boyfriend or Fiance. A piece of paper couldnt dictate my life with him.
Post # 59
jewellight: I really wrestled with that thought while “waiting”. I decided that I certainly would leave if marriage was not in our future. Though perhaps old fashioned I believe marriage elevates & substantiates a relationship both in societal & religious terms.
Post # 60
I honestly don’t know if I would’ve left if he had never wanted to get married. Having a baby was not a dealbreaker for me, but marriage before having a baby is. But we’ve been very happily married for almost 4 years and expecting a baby in June, so it’s kind of a moot point.