Post # 46
Member
4924 posts
Honey bee
anabolina : We use a daycare center. We had extended parental leave and while it was great, neither of us would be happy as a full time stay at home parent. It would also be a major blow to our finances for one of us to stop working (much more than the daycare blow which is still substantial). Our friends utilized the center we chose too and their daughter loves it and the teachers are fanastic. We chose a center for the consistency of scheduling as compared to an in-home or a nanny. Our daughter has been going for a couple of months now and she seems to love it as well! Although she is just a generally really happy baby so I think she would have loved anything we picked lol.
Post # 47
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
We do a mix. I went back to work on a compressed schedule when my little guy was 3 months old, so I work four 9.5 hr days, leaving one day home with him. My mom watches him one day a week as well. The other three days he’s at a daycare center which he LOVES. I am pregnant with #2 right now and we are planning to keep this same arrangement. The childcare bill is going to suuuuuck for a couple years, but I’ll still be bringing home at least an extra $1k a month and I’m keeping my position and contributing time toward my retirement/pension. Plus, I really like my job and being social with other adults. I’m pretty sure I could not stay home full time. It’s such a hard thing to decide!
Post # 48
Member
1376 posts
Bumble bee
I love all these responses and appreciate the different viewpoints. Last weekend, Fi and I drove 3 hours to a living history day (so much fun!)
On the way, we definitely discussed our future childcare plans again. I’ll note that we are certain we want to be parents, either biologically or through adoption/fostering.
We keep floating the idea of one of us becoming a stay at home parent, but we just keep telling each other that it’s fine if they want to do it lol. I think we both enjoy our work and flexibility too much to give it up and risk not finding it in another job after going back to work.
Our consensus at the moment(since we aren’t even TTC until after the wedding) is that Fi and I will both take off for 3 months (fi gets paternity leave and has plenty of leave, bit alas, the federal govt doesn’t have maternity leave, so I’ll be using my sick and annual leave).
Then we’ll stagger our in office days and working hours (we both have a flexible schedule too) and hire a part time nanny for the hours we both need to be working. I don’t know how people parent their kids while working at home. I need to focus and I know from experience I can’t do that while also caring for a child. Maybe we are just suspicious people since weve worked it out to where the nanny would never actually be home alone with our potential child lol.
IDK, that’s our current thought, but life changes. After our conversation, I did look into a few of the daycares in his area, 2 are within walking distance and 1 is a 5 minute drive away and none have serious documented violations.
Post # 49
Member
4924 posts
Honey bee
anabolina : the people I know work from home have said you can’t actually work a full day and watch the baby by yourself. They either work shortened days (i.e. during naps or at night when their partner comes home) or they hire in-home help. Many employers are starting to require proof of childcare for worker’s who want to telecommute because they know it isn’t possible to do it all during the day.
Post # 50
Member
1376 posts
Bumble bee
LilliV : That’s true, I know my office has a lot of restrictions on it. I also know i could never do it(trying to watch a baby while working). Most of my coworkers are lucky enough to have local family that either watches the kids in their home or where they drop the kids off while they are working. I’m definitely thinking a part time nanny would work best. We would only need one from 9:30-3.
Post # 51
Member
3313 posts
Sugar bee
I’ve experienced all types of childcare for my now two year old son. I work(ed) from home, so at first I tried to juggle with a part time nanny, and then covering the rest of my workday while also watching my son. That was a freaking nightmare. You cannot, I repeat, you cannot work from home and take care of a child! Something or someone will always be neglected in that scenario. When my son was 1 1/2 we put him in a traditional daycare and it was freaking awesome. Not only did I have the time to work and focus, but he got to be around other kiddos his age which was not just fun for him, but also helped him to learn more. Daycare also helped him to understand rules and be a better listener and gave him the structure he needs. I would miss him during the day, but knowing he was having fun, and I was providing for him made it worth it. It also made our night time routine more special as I soaked up as much of him as I could during those hours at home.
I recently was laid off from my job, so now I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom for the time being. This is not an easy gig for me! My son needs loads of stimulation or he becomes the Hulk, and it is not cute. This means I can’t really get anything done during the day without him getting upset. I am also far more exhausted then I ever was working. It’s so strange! On the one hand, its more relaxing cause you’re just going with the flow and not worrying where you have to be and when, but on the other hand, your boss is a tiny tyrant who can easily determine whether you’re going to have a good day or a bad one! I wish people didn’t look at daycare so negatively, because it really has a lot of benefits for both kids and their parents.
Post # 52
Member
2217 posts
Buzzing bee
So currently we use a licensed in-home daycare provider. It’s the most cost effective option for us and we found a fabulous provider. We live in CA and COL is super high, that’s no secret and due to both of our salaries and my benefits, we both need to work in order to live here. We’re going to be leaving the state in the next few months though as our second child is going to arrive very, very soon and the cost of two in daycare is the equivalent of our mortgage, which is insane. We leave the state and I’ll get to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. I can do my line of work as freelance or part-time so I’ll just seek a new position once we get settled but I don’t plan on having either one of my kids in daycare full-time again.
Post # 53
Member
4924 posts
Honey bee
mrscross1020 : I feel you on the daycare cost. I’m in Boston and our 1 infant in daycare is the same as our mortgage. I have friends about to have their second and even with a multi-child discount they will be spending over $3k a month for both children to go to daycare! It is crazy expensive.
Post # 54
Member
1376 posts
Bumble bee
whitums : I hear you about the benefits of daycare. I loved my foster daughter, but she really enjoyed daycare. IDK, my main issue with daycares is staff turnover. My foster daughter had at least 7 teachers that I knew about in 9 months. I asked a friend who uses a higher end daycare and her sons had also had 6 different teachers in the previous year. It must be hard to hang on to good teachers when you pay them peanuts. I think the teachers at FDs daycare made the same as those at the daycare my friend patronized, but she paid more than twice what I paid. Daycare is certainly an option and convenient, but I feel a stable caregiver is important for kids, so daycares are definitely lower on the list of options.
Post # 55
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
Me and my partner are in the fortunate position of being able to work full time on opposite shifts, meaning that we don’t have to pay for childcare or rely on family.
Post # 56
Member
2217 posts
Buzzing bee
LilliV : It’s insane! I have friends that live in places like WI even that their mortgages are super affordable and their childcare is double what they pay for their home. I can’t even imagine. It kinda sucks because it’s almost so expensive for care you have to decide if you want/can have kids based on where you live and what the care arrangement would be. Having a career and kids is starting to become harder and harder to maintain.
Post # 57
Member
4924 posts
Honey bee
anabolina : you just need to find a better spot with low turnover. I think the newest teacher at my daughter’s place has been there 6 years now. Everyone else is 10+ so the caregivers are very stable. I also pay $415/week though.
Post # 58
Member
1376 posts
Bumble bee
LilliV : My friend paid $400 per child for hers and they had the same turnover, so I’m not sure how much money factors in.
Post # 59
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
I chose to stay at home. I enjoyed my career, but the cost of daycare and the low salary for teachers meant that I was only going to net ~$900, and I’d have to pay for daycare through the summer to hold the spot. Teaching is just too hard to come home with 10k to show for it at the end of the year. And we want to have a second, so that would’ve made it even less profitable for me to work. I’ll go back to work when the kids are in school full-time.
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