(Closed) Polyamory… Your thoughts?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you ever be in a Poly relationship?
    No way! : (59 votes)
    73 %
    Yes, in the right circumstances : (16 votes)
    20 %
    Other : (6 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5496 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Totally not for me. I love the concept of being with just one person the rest of my life. I can’t even comprehend wanting to be with another guy, in addition to my husband.

    But I wouldn’t judge others for doing this. As long as both parties agree to it, of course. I just personally don’t get it! But I will be honest and admit I’d worry about any children involved, though.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @Jenn23: I second your comment. Very well said. πŸ™‚

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It’s not for me, defintely. I just have to say, though, I think there are some conditions on love. For me, love doesn’t mean that Fiance can do whatever he would like once we say our vows. I think love is based on choices and mutual respect.

    I can see how it would seem more ‘evolved’ though, to be able to love several people without jealousy getting in the way. I just know I’m never going to be at that place! πŸ™‚

    Post # 7
    Member
    10851 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Not for me, but different strokes for different folks πŸ˜‰

    Post # 8
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I don’t have any issues with polyamory, and might be ok with it in the right situation, but I do think it is something that couples have to be really careful about.  I can imagine situations where one partner is essentially cheating openly because the other doesn’t feel comfortable telling his/her partner that he/she isn’t or has become uncomfortable with polyamory.  But for a couple who is totally honest and open with each other, and knows that their partnership is about more than just exclusivity, it can work really well.  I have a friend who has been married to her husband for ten years and they are very happily poly… she has a girlfriend (who is also poly) and both of them have done things with other people and they actually get excited for each other about this stuff.  It’s actually very adorable and they have a really healthy, successful marriage.

    Post # 10
    Member
    338 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    It’s definitely not for me, but if another couple enters into it mutually on all sides, who am I to say it’s wrong?  I’m generally of the opinion on all things that as long as all parties are consenting adults, it should be allowed.

    Post # 11
    Member
    37 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My betrothed & I are actively polyamorous; two of my bridesmaids are our mutual girlfriends (and have been married to each other for almost a decade).  FI has an additional girlfriend that I’m close friends with, and the three of us live together.  She has offered to help wrangle people (make sure everyone’s where they need to be on time) before our ceremony, and to DJ our iTunes playlist at the reception.

    I’ll admit that I do sometimes have some insecurities & competitive impulses w.r.t. this live-in girlfriend, partly because I’m not also dating her and partly because I’ve never shared so much of my betrothed’s day-to-day with someone else he’s involved with, but we get along really well; we care about each other’s happiness and each other’s relationships (esp. w/ my fiance), and we make it work as a committed family-by-choice.  I’ve never had issues, jealousy or insecurity around our mutual girlfriends (indeed, I’d already been seeing them for years when Fiance & I got together) or around any of his more casual flirtations / interests.  For myself, I might date additional partners if I should happen to meet someone who appeals, but right now I’m not seeking out any more people to date.  (My dance card is full with Fiance & 2 girlfriends!)

    It takes a lot of self-awareness, honesty, communication & trust — just as a healthy, intimate monogamous relationship does, only multiplied across more partners and thus more interpersonal relationships, both romantic and what some call ‘metamours’ (people who have a romantic partner in common but aren’t also dating each other).  It can work well, though, *if* all parties are on board & ok with it, have compatible approaches to poly (some need strict hierarchy to feel secure, some need to be equal partners with everybody, some need various degrees of in-between) and go into it prepared to do the communicating and the other work of balancing people’s needs for time & attention.  It has worked really well for at least 2 of the married couples I’m closest with, and various other friends & acquaintances.  Of course, just like any monogamous relationship, it can get stunningly messy if people have conflicting assumptions that they don’t work out, or if one or more parties break the others’ trust.  But it works for us!

    Post # 12
    Member
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think if everyone involved truly wants it, there’s nothing wrong with it. The problem comes if one party is uncomfortable with it and gets pressured into it. That’s pretty miserable. I’ve known quite a few very healthy poly relationships though.

    Post # 13
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think polyamory is natural and could possibly be the best kind of relationship if everyone is able to handle it well, especially with children around (more time, money, attention to give children). However, I don’t think I personally could ever be a part of this kind of relationship due to how well I handle my jealousy… which is not well at all. My fiance is the same way. However, if I hadn’t met him I would be open to trying this kind of relationship. I’m just (currently) incapable of sharing him. Maybe in ten years we can reevaluate, but I’ll likely be just where I am now. 

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