Post # 1
Just got a phone call from my best friend, she and her husband are splitting up, they would have been married three years this June and I’ll admit that they’ve had a really hard time getting on their feet. Bouncing from place to place, losing jobs, being homeless, not having a car and all kinds of awful, they made it through all of that and NOW they’ve decided they can’t be together….I hate this for her…..he’s being an ass about it, taking their car (they only have one) and just generally freaking her out when he heart is already broken…he said he’d been done with her for six months, that she’s manipulative…blah, blah, blah….I’ll admit she’s got problems expressing everything she feels, but I know manipulative women, she’s not one of them…If I was a lesbian, she’d be MY wife…that’s how awesome she is….so I sent Mr. 99 and Wort over just to make sure everything is on the up and up while he takes his things and leaves….nothing like a 6’4″ tall barbarian and his 2 lb chihuahua to intimidate a guy who’s thinking about acting up…
Anyone got any advice for me to help her through????
Post # 3
@Nona99: This is really hard: we have a couple we know that has only been married a few years as well, and we recently were told by the wife that the husband is filing for divorce. I still don’t know what to say :-/ She found out he had a seperate Facebook account where he is “in a relationship” with someone that isnt his wife, and all of this was happening right under her nose. I just text her weekly or send her funny cards because I’m not great with knowing what to say 🙁
Post # 4
@Nona99: That’s a bummer! But you’re an awesome friend (with an awesome DH) to go check on her when you can’t be there 🙂
Post # 5
How awful. Definitely keep her busy. Let her bitch, vent, cry, getting crazy drunk on wine, while you sit next to her sharing the bottle.
Never ever use the words ‘this is meant to be’, and ‘it will get better’ – at least not yet, because right now, it does not feel that way for her, and so hearing those words make you want to scream!!
I went thru this with a great friend of mine. Problem is she lived 4 hours away, so instead of sitting next to her, I spent countless hours on the phone with her. I sent her a care package. I sent her daily texts telling her she was a kick ass gal, and what a moron he was for thinking otherwise, etc.
And then slowly, over time, she got better, and in the process our friendship changed for the better. Im glad Mr.99 is there right now. I am certain her ex-man is shaking in his boots!
Post # 6
@Nona99: Burn his sh** before he picks it up!?!?!?!! No seriously.
If a man is going to leave her after all that she is definitely better off. I would just be there for her, as a friend, buy her a bus pass this way she can at least get where she needs too.
Then take a pic of his, blow it up really large in size, have a girls night and throw darts at his face.
Post # 7
Despite the sadness in this post, I giggled at the visual of a super tall dude carrying a tiny dog. Intimidating indeed.
I’m so sorry for your friend…I can’t imagine how hard this must be for her, especially after everything else she’s been through. I think the best thing that you can do for her is just be there for her….and I’m sure she already knows that you are. The fact that you sent over Mr.99 and Wort to make sure she’s OK is such an amazing thing to do! Gestures like that speak volumes.
I truly hope things start to look up for her soon…
ETA: I love the idea of sending funny texts and e-cards. She knows you’re thinking about her and you’re trying to make her laugh, which might also help distract her a bit. That can help a lot…just making sure she isn’t dwelling on anything.
Post # 8
@Nona99: this sucks. trust me, divorce is never a fun thing. however, when it’s all said and done, it can be a breath of fresh air.
i would suggest to just be there for her. let her vent but stay neutral and non-judgemental. keep the conversation on her positives, not his negatives. encouragement will help move her past this not dwelling on his crap.
don’t forget, in a break up, there are always 2 sides to every story and as my mother always says, you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
Post # 9
@mypinkshoes: Being objective is my specialty….and I do know that she was controlling and unresponsive when it came to sex, limited in what she would do and when and since he’s five years younger and still in his 20’s…that’s a big issue….she’s growing up, looking for a more settled and established existance, he’s a bad boy with a thug-ish nature and honestly that used to be VERY appealing to her, but the thing that drew her to him, became the thing that shoved her away.
We often throw parties, and here’s Mr. 99, big, blonde, debonair, interesting, eloquent, grilling food for our guests, giving a neighbor advice on their Chinese Lilacs and smiling at me like we’re still a pair of mooney eyed kids…her husband is in a pair of baggy pants, an enormous shirt, sporting the sidways hat thing, talking like a high schooler with f-this and f-that…..getting loud, and just….being a young guy in his 20’s…you know?
But I could see her wincing at it, being embarassed by it and I think honestly, she thought he would grow out of it…..and he still might, but I don’t think she’s going to wait around and certainly does not have to raise him…after all, I found Mr. 99 in the gentlemanly, get er dun, do right man state that he is at his neices birthday party….so this is just one more step closer to her Happy Spot…however that looks for her.
Post # 10
@mypinkshoes: I agree, at the time – divorce is not easy. But once you move past it and realize that you made the right choice and are better off without them, it is LIBERATING.
I also agree about focusing on how awesome she is and not how much of an asshole he is. It will be much easier to move on if she focuses on herself and how great of a person she is, then it will be to keep anger and hate inside. That never works.
Invite her over for some girl time, bring out the wine (or beer!) and just be there with her. Let her bring up the conversations she wants to talk about and keep redirecting to how amazing she is when it gets out of control.
Just letting her know you love her will mean so much. Sending over your husband and little Wort was a perfect step to show her she hasn’t lost everything, she still has you, and amazing and caring friend.
She can be reminded that it’s HIS loss, without dwelling on spite and hatred. She WILL find someone better who stays with her through the good times, instead of running when it finally gets good.