(Closed) Poor communications with my mom please help.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry you have to live this.  You have every right at 31 to set some boundaries with your mom.  You can do that without discussing it with her (I know she’ll probably push you into explaining yourself, so she’ll have something to get mad at you about) (yeah, we have this in my family too).  She’s old enough to fight her own battles, not to mention manage her work life.  It’s very hard to change the way you relate to your mom, and she isn’t going to make it easy, but it’s okay to pull back and not get into topics that lead to fights.  You’ve got to give yourself persmission to avoid her though… not all the time, but every time she yells you.  If hanging up is all you can do for now, then do it.  I know it feels terrible.  Get up and leave when you sense it going in that direction.  Make an excuse, tell you have to run an errand, or tell her the truth- if she’s going to get angry, you won’t be there to listen.  When she’s calm, you’ll talk.  If you’ve already tried all this… please know I hear you and I am so sorry.  I’ve been there and it sucks.

Post # 4
4337 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve been there, too (still am sometimes), and I agree with jjmomma – eventually you just have to prove that you won’t listen if she shouts or denigrates you.  At first, I had to just hang up for her to get the picture.  It’s progressed to where I can actually point out why I’m hanging up before I do. She gets furious and holds a grudge for awhile, but she’s learning that I won’t tolerate her shouting or certain attitudes/topics. We still end up shouting sometimes, but I’m also learning to care less about what she thinks and choosing what is worth my time to argue back about.

It’s awful, but you have the right to determine your boundaries – even with your mother.

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