(Closed) Porn and Pre-Mature Ejaculation?? (Long!)

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Honestly, I don’t think that it has to do with him orgasming quickly.  Some positions work better for different people and gets them there quickly.

But I would suggest couples thereapy for you.  If he can’t respect that his habits make you think of being attacked as a child, you are going to have the same fights over and over your entire relationship.

Post # 5
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012
Post # 6
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Honestly, it just sounds like you may not be so sexually compatible, I don’t think the porn has anything to do with it. I’ve also heard from different guys as well as read the opposite of what you’re saying – that masturbation actually decreases a man’s sensitivity.

I really don’t want to minimise what you’ve gone through but perhaps read this thread, especially the posts that touch on the male’s perspective,

Fiance looking at porn. Need some advice!

 

Post # 8
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@internalheights:  I must start off saying that I am terribly sorry for what happened to you as a child. No person should have to go through that.

With regards to your Fiance, this is probably not what you want to hear, but could you maybe “get him off” another way before you have sex? I know that if my SO cums either from HJ or BJ and then we have sex or if we go for round 2, he lasts  A LOT longer. Or perhaps, he could finish you before you start that way you are satisified before he is?

Post # 9
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@internalheights:  I am incredibly sorry to hear what happened to you as a child.  

Unfortunately, I think the major issue right now is that your Fiance doesn’t respect the fact you have a serious reason behind your dislike of something.  I, too, have a reason as to why I didn’t like Darling Husband watching porn.  He used to sneak around for awhile on his phone.  He’s either gotten more clever or stopped all together.  In the end, it doesn’t matter anymore because we are both satisfied in the bedroom unlike your case.

I think your Fiance may have trouble understanding what it’s like to go through a traumatizing time as you did.  He’s seeing it differently than you which is completely normal.  You see it as disgust.  He sees it as pleasure.  I’ve heard the same about men who watch porn on a constant basis have trouble lasting in bed as well.  I’m not sure how true it is though.  

If you two are going to try to make this work (I’m thinking you said he wanted to break up? Or I read it wrong), then you need to see counseling together.  Not because of the issue with porn.  You need to bring him with you so you speak openly about your past to try to get him to get more of an insight of the hell you went through.  The porn watching will be a trigger that will be brought up during counseling.  The counselor may be able to help the two of you in your own different ways.  I’m also thinking if he sees raw emotion during this time that it will help open his eyes a bit more.

Once again, I’m sorry about your experience.  You’re a strong woman and keep staying strong.  Best of luck to you.

Post # 10
Member
4961 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sorry, I couldn’t read the whole thing, but when men masturbate to porn they come quickly. The get a “reward” by coming quickly. It’s like they’re traning themselves to ejaculate ASAP. That’s why porn is out of my relationship. 

Post # 11
Member
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Rouquine:  I agree with this.

OP I think counseling is your best bet.  He does seem to not be handling the situation in a mature manner and that he

“becomes very sarcastic and just a straight up asshole when we get in arguements.  He flips out and yells at me, even when I am talking in a normal voice, and even after I ask him repeatedly not to yell.  He won’t try to resolve anything or talk about the issue at hand.  He will just say “sure” “ok” “I guess” and “I don’t know” to EVERYTHING I say.”

is very concerning.  This isn’t an effective or healthy way of fighting.

In the end though, if he isn’t willing to give it up…it could be a dealbreaker for you.  In which case it might be best to find someone more compatible with you.

Post # 15
Member
16 posts
Newbee

First of all, I want to say it for the first time ever on the internet that I was molested as a child too.  honestly I don’t know how to deal with it other than locking it down in a dark drawer in my memory and not to think about it.  I think I did a very good job not thinking about it, sometimes I do ask myself did that really happen to me.   then I would realize that it did happened.  It makes me feel dirty, why should a child be expose to such things?  I had never told ANYONE about this.  I tell you this because you are not alone, even we encounter such things, we still can have a fullfilled sex life.

(though, thank God I wasn’t raped by intercourse.  I never had sex until I marry my husband who was a virgin.  So we both married each other as a virgin. )

I also want to share with you that my husband is pretty quick too.  He doesn’t have a porn issue at all, but he’s just quick, especially if we didnt get to have sex for 5 days or more.  So he does take a break to calm down, so I understand what your frustration is.  Before, I can never finsh by penetration, so I initiated to use a toy/vibrator.  Now I finish everytime unless my drive is low and didn’t care about O.  My husband will use the toy to get me quite excited first before the real deal.  Then we both get to finish more or less in sync.

Before the toy thing though, it would be beneficial to have a couple therapy because the problem here is not only sex satisfication, porn, burden of being molested as a child but also looking forward, the communication problem between you two.  These are all real big deal in marriage that can lead to a lot of resentment.  Pre-mature ejaculation maybe an issue that he’s refusing to address.  In his porn-filled head (I know this is strong word), he thinks he’s long lasting and can do all this (whatever it is).  He’s not going to admit that there is a problem and very likely stem from watching too much porn.  If someone else can point it out for him maybe he’ll understand. 

On a side note, I am not sure if you and your fiance is interested in Christian faith.  I say it of course because me and hub are Christian.  Our faith restores our broken self. 

In the end, I am sorry that you are going through this.  I hope it gets better for you and fiance!

 

Post # 16
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I went back and reread your post, you said he’d rather choose porn than you?  that right there is a big red flag!

The topic ‘Porn and Pre-Mature Ejaculation?? (Long!)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors