(Closed) Porn in marriage.. Is it a yey or ney for you?

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 76
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Mrstobe26:  It’s interesting that your husband will watch porn yet says he would never date someone who made porn. I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to date someone who was a current pornstar. I absolutely do not want my partner being intimate with anybody else but me.

But how about if you had made porn in the past? I asked my boyfriend if he would date a girl who had previously worked in the sex industry. He said yes, of course. I really appreciated his answer. It was important to me because I have amazing, intelligent friends who have worked in the industry (making porn and escorting) and I like that he doesn’t judge them, but sees them as the independent women that they are. Not that it’s any of his (or mine, for that matter) buisiness, but it brings him closer to my friends, since they’re able to speak openly about past experiences within our social group, and nobody gives a damn about the work that they did.

As rfs23 said, they’re just normal human beings trying to earn a living working in an industry that is bigger than most of us can comprehend. The sex industry is bigger than everything else combined. Apparently, we love it. So we need a some more respect for those of us who supply it.

Post # 77
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

When Fiance and I started dating, I told him porn is a dealbreaker for me, and he agreed very strongly with me (he’d previously gone to counseling for related issues). He has an accountability system in place with his closest male friends and mentors. We nearly broke up a year into the relationship when I found out he had looked and not told me. My parents educated me when I was a kid about the overwhelming negative effects of porn. It can wreak destruction on an individual AND a marriage!

From “What I Wish I’d Known” by Lauren Dubinsky:

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lauren-dubinsky/porn-addiction_b_1686481.html

The kind of pornography you’re most turned on by is usually linked to a corresponding hurtful event in your life.

It sabotages your sex life on the chemical level because you get hooked on unhealthy levels of dopamine.

It establishes your sexuality apart from real-life relationships. 

Many men can find it much more difficult to get an erection because of porn.

It can cause major insecurities for women AND men.

 

…That’s all I need to know. I just know I need as little negativity in my life and marriage as possible!

Post # 78
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

It’s a yay for me (although I’d rather not see him doing it). I’m pretty sure he doesn’t look at porn now but after we had been together for a few months I was using his laptop to look at hotels for an event we were going to. I found a porn site in his history. I quickly typed the hotel website, he looked very embarrassed, we giggled and moved on. At the time we weren’t living together and lived a long way away from eachother so… fair enough! I’d just rather not… be there I guess haha. I have no idea if he looks at porn now, never asked and don’t intend to. The only reason I don’t ask and don’t want to know is because I’d find the idea of him masterbating awkward? Haha just not something I’d want to talk about I guess. 

Post # 79
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

olivejd:  I just want to point out that what you’re describing is porn ADDICTION. Even the url you posted states that the article is about addiction. There are millions, maybe billions, of people who can and do safely and happily enjoy porn as an enhancement to their sex lives.
Just as millions or billions of people are prescribed opiates for things like surgery recovery and dental work, and use their prescriptions responsibly to improve their lives, yet some become addicted to those opiates and destroy their own and others’ lives.

Post # 80
Member
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

My Darling Husband and I have no problem with each other looking at porn. We tried doing it as a joint thing, but it was just too awkward.

Post # 81
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

Mrstobe26:  For some people porn in a relationship or marriage can be awkward especially if you arent a sexual person. Personally, I love porn and much more into porn than my fiance. He is a man and he respects me and supports me in all I do, but lets be honest I am the sex freak and I make it well known. He loves sex and we can go at it 24-7, sometimes we spice things up sometimes not so much, but we have watched porn together a few times wether it be joking about the people in it, or getting ideas, or even trying new things. Porn is fun and created to entertain, but it can also be addicting to weak minded people with addictive personalities. 

Porn can be okay and boring sometimes or it can be fun, but if it makes you uncomfortable or disinterested let them know, after all he is a man and some men are more into porn than others. It’s just a sex thing or a fantasy thing, you guys can work on it, find his fantasy and make it a reality.

Ive also met girls who are totally anti porn, but thats because they dont understand it, or just they choose not to support it or get involved with it. Everyones different, some people need it, some people dont, love it or hate it, pretty simple. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  jen9000.

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