- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I am 9 months pregnant, and ok, my Husband I havent been having a lot of sex, sometimes, but not often, just because I’ve felt physically uncomfortable and he says he doesn’t want to push me. But we have a great relationship and are affectionate with eachother, and I’ve never had reason to worry. And recently we’ve had sex more than the whole pregnancy, maybe once a week.
But this morning I turned on our computer and it was right on a porn site. I’m guessing that he was looking at it after I went to bed last night. That kind of shocked me, and of course I looked at the history and see that he’s visited porn sites frequently over the last few days, so, I’m also assuming he didn’t just start suddenly and has probably been looking at them for a while, I just didn’t know about it.
It really surprised me. I feel like a fool, I figured maybe he looked at porn sometimes when I’m not home, and that didnt really bother me…but to know that I’m in the house, it just seems to hurt, like very secretive behaviour. What if I had gotten up? I pretty much figured he was taking care of himself sometimes, but I figured in the shower or when I’m not home.
I had this problem with my most recent ex boyfriend before my husband, he would watch porn in secret all the time while I was in the house and hide it in secret files and eventually would turn me down for sex and go and lock himself in the office at night and look at porn while he thought I was sleeping, and eventually ended up cheating on me with multiple women over months and lying straight to my face.
So I’m having dejavu with the secretive porn behaviour. But my husband has never given me a reason not to trust him, and he keeps his phone, computer in full view, and I’ve never felt the need to look or check up on him.
I’m a pretty liberal woman, I don’t really get uptight about a lot of stuff, but finding that this morning felt like a slap in the face, it hurt.
I’m just not sure how to shake it off. Being 9 months preggo doesn’t help of course, I’m trying hard not to take it personally.