Positive experiences with children and wide age gaps? (infertility woes)

posted 1 month ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee

I am 10 years older than my little sister, and we are closer than I am with my sister who is 18 months older than me. When she was little, I was like mom jr. to her. I loved watching her, playing with her, and teaching her things. She was totally my entertainment and my little buddy, and it was great for my mom who always had a helper on hand. Now we are 25 and 35, and we are still close and enjoy hanging out, going on starbucks dates, etc. Age definitely doesn’t guarantee anything when it comes to sibling relationships!

My son is going to be 4 1/2 years older than his sibling (if all goes well with my pregnancy) and we also had to do IVF to conceive again. He is the caretaker type and loves babies, so I think it will work out well. It’s a bummer when things don’t go as planned, but I would not assume your daughter will enjoy her sibling any less even with an age gap! 

Post # 3
Member
869 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

CFBC, but there’s 7 years between my older sister and I. We weren’t particularly close growing up due to a lot of factors, but we are close now as adults.

 

Post # 4
Member
14963 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dunno if this has anything to do with years specifically, age gap, or just personality,  but I’m closer to my brother 10 years younger than I am to my brother 5 years younger.

If you want another kid, it happens when it happens.  Hope close siblings are can depend a lot more than just an age gap. 

Post # 5
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Sibling relationships are not defined by age or just by being in the same family. You have no control over them by being their parent. Age difference doesn’t matter. Everyone is their own person and even if they had a good relationship growing up, not everyone stays close. Some do and some don’t. Don’t force it is all I’m saying. 
My sister and I are 4 years apart and are not close. My husband and his bother are 15 years apart and are somewhere in between-like being aquitances. My mom and her bother are 2 years apart and estranged. Some of my friends who have large age gaps are still very close with their siblings. It’s all a gamble… 

Post # 6
Member
2350 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

mrsalexander :  My friends had their second kid when their first was 6.  He’s a really cool little guy, and he is the BEST brother!  His little sister is 5 now and he’s 11, and they’re really close and he’s so so sweet to her.  He was also super helpful when she was a baby and toddler, which seemed really convenient.

I’m sorry you’re struggling with this!  xoxo

Post # 7
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My boys (11 and 6) are 5 1/2 years apart, and they live for each other. I was worried about the age gap too, but it’s been nothing but a blessing. They are each others best friends. They fight occassionally, but it’s pretty normal. The older one is always looking out for the little one, and teaching him things. There are no guarantees in life, but if my boys aren’t close forever I will be shocked. 

I’d also like to add that I am an only child, and I don’t really understand the stigma surrounding it. I turned out just fine, and I don’t look back on my childhood with any sadness because of it. Don’t let yourself feel guilty if you only have one. 

Post # 8
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

My brother and I are 4 years apart and we were close as kids and still close as adults.

My other brother is 16 years younger than me and 12 years younger than the other brother. Our relationship is somewhere in between sibling and aunt since I was out of the house and living in a different state by the time he was 2. I’ve tried to be a positive influence in his life and now that’s he’s older trying to get to know him as a young adult but I can’t say we’re close.

My other brother was around for his whole childhood and despite the large age gap they’re now thick as thieves.

Post # 9
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

We are going to start trying a few months after our wedding next september. I have 2 sons from a previous relationship and they will be 7 and 8 when the new baby comes (pending we have no issues TTC). personally i am really excited, and this thread is really helping ease insecurities i have had about the age gaps. 

My FH was the “accident” in his family so there is 5 and 7 years between him and his siblings. They get along fine and are pretty close. they arent like “besties” but they talk regularly and act sibling-ish if that makes sense lol

Post # 10
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

My oldest brother is about 18 years older than my youngest sister. A little different because there were kids in between (me obviously being one) but in regard to their relationship: he would take her out to the mall and whatnot when she was a baby and pretend she was his because ladies love a young single dad *eyeroll* but it gave my mom a break and taught him to be responsible for a kid. Now that we are grown they see each other more often than I see him with half the age difference. What I’ve realized as we got older is that sibling relationships are based much more on personality than age difference. I wouldn’t sweat it.

Post # 11
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

I have 3 children, 10, 8 and 4. My 10 year old and 4 year old have the most amazing relationship. My son adores his big sister, and she’s so patient and sweet with him. When he was a baby, she wanted to hold him all the time, as a toddler she would laugh at all the funny things he’d do and now she loves to play with him, read to him and teach him new things. Her help when he was little was super amazing too, just things like grabbing a diaper/bottle/cloth etc made things easier.  

Also, my mom and my aunt are 8 years apart and extremely close. 

I wouldn’t stress to much about a big age gap, there’s good and not so great things about all age differences between siblings.

mrsalexander :  

Post # 12
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee

My sister and I are 4-5 years apart. We are very close and had a lot of fun growing up – silly games, inside jokes. I never felt our age gap made a difference. 

Post # 13
Member
1467 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My husband has a bigger than “average” gap with his siblings. There are two at a more “average” spacing, and then three, again with more “average” spacing after a 6-year gap. They are all so close. He’s the oldest and has excellent relationships with the three youngest siblings (the oldest of that bunch is 6 years younger than him). It’s really fun because we’re a bit more established and they’re in various places in college (near us!) and we can kind of “mentor” them as they pick majors and claseses, get internships and jobs, etc.

He went so far as to suggest we have two kids, wait four years, and then have two more! (I only want 2 kids total, so….I vetoed that). But, he seems to think it’s an ideal way to structure a family 😀

Post # 14
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’m 9 years older than my younger brother and we are very close. My husband and I just traveled to visit him in his new city a few weeks ago. He is fresh out of college and living alone in a big city for the first time. He was so excited to show us around and take us out to his favorite spots. He and my husband get along great too. I feel like I helped raise him, so now hanging out with him as an adult is really fun 🙂

Post # 15
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

My mother is ten years older than her brother and they are the closest out of all of her other siblings. My fiance is two years apart from his sister and they hate each other. I think a wide age gap is a great thing, honestly. The younger sibling comes along when the older sibling is just starting to gain some real independence and is capable of valuing their little brother/sister as a little creature in need of nurturing rather than an inconvenience that steals all of their parents’ attention. 

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