(Closed) Positive Stories of Young Marriage?

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 16
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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BabyInACorner:  “suppose I’m trying to push back against the assumption that being relatively young makes you unready for marriage by default.”

the problem with what you want is it’s not an assumption, it’s a statistic backed up by the fact that a majority, not all, of early 20s people are not ready for marriage. 

You don’t need to deny reality in order to prove yourself mature enough to make a lifetime commitment. But citing someone who has managed to stay married for 3 or so years is laughable. As is your assumption that bees are being mean when they ask how old someone is. We are not out to get you or any other young bride. 

I wish you the best.

Post # 17
Member
7550 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

My cousin was 20 and pregnant when she got married, they would have gotten married eventually anyway but got married earlier due to pregnancy. They had been together since she was 15/16. They have been married happily for over 15 years and have two children. He is a few years older I think.

Her younger sister got married at 23, her husband is 1 or 2 years older, and they have been married for almost 6 years. They also have two children. They have had some tough times but are happy.

A couple of my school peers got married at 18. Both are still happily married and one has two children.

Lots of my school peers have gotten married in the last year or two, so under 25, and so far all seems well.

Post # 20
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

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BabyInACorner:  I got married at age 19 and am 29 now. We are still happily married and I know I made the right decision for me. No regrets!!

Post # 21
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016

My grandmother and my grandfather met at 17 and 21 respectively and married at 21 and 25 , they have the most amazing relationship and when they look at eachother you can just see the love in their eyes. I personally would have liked for myself to have met my Fiance a few years later on in life but I met him at 20 and I would never let him go just because we are to ‘young’ or try and stall our relationship till we are older. You can’t time love…. I also think the whole concept of you change so much in your ’20’s seems silly… you change so much in every stage of your life, when you have your first child, when you hit 40’s and have a mid-life crisis etc. If you love your partner and have similar values and most importantly ‘choose’ to be with them and work at your marriage then you can grow together.

Post # 22
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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BabyInACorner:  yes, I wrote ” not all” for that reason. 

If you were trying for positivity and weren’t accusing the community of anything, you probably should have left this off of your OP, “I’ve noticed a theme on the boards of snide comments towards young brides.”

So you start off accusing the community of being snide, but now you only want positive reactions. Got it.

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/positive-stories-of-young-marriage/#ixzz3hcmHv9Wv

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by BalletParker.
Post # 23
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

lol people can talk all they want about young people getting married,  I know so many “older adults” that get married and fairly quickly get a divorce. It all depends on the person… I’ve got engaged & married at the age of 20 and still married 6 half years later and expecting our first baby in December. People around me were shocked that I got married so young but they all got to know me… Lots of people tell me that I have such an old soul. Lol ahh I dont let it get to me though, as long as I’m happy, DH is happy then it’s all good:)

Post # 25
Member
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My parents got married when they were both 23 and they’re celebrating their 28th anniversary today (:

My DH and I got married a little over a year ago when we were both 23 (we started dating when we were 17). In my area, it’s very common for people to get married under 25 so I definitely found more encouragement IRL than on the Bee πŸ˜‰ 

Post # 27
Member
8517 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If everyone who married very young waited a couple years, I bet the same fraction who worked out and had lasting relationships would be in the exact same place regardless. And I bet the remaining, much larger fraction would be spared a whole lot of heartache and stress. That, to me, has always made it worth it to wait.

Post # 28
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

I think that OP is well aware of the research and statistics that are against young marriages.  I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to seek out support when the odds can be a bit scary at times.  To make a comparison, if someone came on to a cancer support forum and asked “can I survive liver cancer?” You really wouldn’t jump in and say “statistically, you only have an X percent chance”.  They know the odds, and it’s hurtful to assume someone is naive or “immature” (which is being thrown around a lot) enough not to know them.

I would also like to send a bit of reassurance OP’s way; some studies I have read (in my degree in Sexuality, Marriage, and Family Studies) indicate that the most common reason for divorce is money.  It makes sense that young people, not yet established in their careers and struggling to buy homes, will have a bit of trouble with money and therefore a higher chance of marital stress.  Does that automatically make you immature? No.

Some studies suggest that older marriages are so successful because people in their 30’s and 40’s feel biological clocks ticking, don’t want to start over again, and therefore are more invested in making a relationship work than a 20 something that has lots of time to have children, and is already just beginNing to get established in life.  Does this automatically make you immature? No.

Some studies suggest that sexual satisfaction peaks in your 30’s for women (horomonal reasons!), and that relationship satisfaction has a very strong correlation with sexual satisfaction! If the sex isn’t good, chances of relationship stress are higher.  Do the hormone cycles your body goes through naturally automatically make you emotionally immature? No.

Some studies suggest that when your CLalt (relationship alternatives) are higher (ie, there’s lots of young attractive people around!), you’re more likely to be unhappy in your relationship.  So when you’re in your 20’s, you’re more likely to know many single people in your age group than in your 30’s or 40’s, and have many relationship alternatives.  Does this automatically make you immature? No.

Some studies suggest that familial approval and social support is crucial to the survival of a marriage. If people don’t approve of a young marriage or you don’t have many married friends who share your experiences, you may experience a loss of social support, and decreased relationship satisfaction as a result. Does needing friends and family at ANY stage of life make you immature? I don’t think so, but this one could be subjective.

I just want to point out that there are MANY psychological studies that explore love and relationships in relation to age, and why relationships end.  Most of the professional studies I have read do not indicate “immaturity” as the reason young people divorce, and it’s certainly not what’s agreed on by professionals in the therapy industry. I’m sure it’s a factor in some marriages, but let’s not tear down every single young person on this website, when there is so much reasonable research out there to suggest that 20somethings are NOT simply “immature”, but that there are numerous psychological factors involved!  You wouldn’t want to be defined and dismissed because of your age either.

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