I think it depends on the family and how things are usually done… those families that have a good sense of fairness would probably do quite well with this arrangement (MY Family). Those that like to ride along on other’s coat-tails would not. (Sounds like YOUR Family dynamic is more of the latter style).
I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob here on WBee… lol
(In so much as I know a lot about it because of my upbringing career)
So maybe I should tell you what “traditional etiquette” says in this regard as to who pays for what.
Traditonally… the B&G should pay for the Accommodations for their immediate family members who have to come into town for the Wedding.
The Groom would pay for his Parents, and any siblings under the age of majority.
The Bride normally didn’t pay anything, cause traditionally the Wedding was held in her hometown, or where her Parent’s had a home, cottage, property etc.
IF the Bride’s Parents didn’t have their own place, then like the Groom, the Bride should be paying to put up her immediate family… Parents & any siblings under the age of 18.
As well, when it comes to traditional etiquette, the Accommodations for all the members of the Bridal Party would be arranged for by the couple… whether that meant putting them up at the Bride’s Home, or a Hotel. And if the latter, then that typically meant a double-room as each member of the Bridal Party was permitted to bring a Guest / Plus One … (spouse, fiance, live in, SO… Date or anyone else whom they wanted to spend the weekend with… even if that was their Brother, Sister or Mother)
This Accommodation provision would be usually for 2 Nights… the one for the Rehearsal and the one of the Wedding (after the Reception).
And it also was extended to the Child members of the Bridal Party as well… so if little cousin Johnny was your Ring Bearer, then accommodations were provided for him, and his extended family who would be accompanying to the Wedding (Cousin Bob, his wife Sally, and their other children Bob Jr and Susan)
Anyhow there you have it, the traditional way that things were handled.
Now I realize this isn’t always how things are done in regards to “modern etiquette”… but then again, it seems to me that there are a ton of Brides & Grooms who have countless issues with their Bridal Parties… in so much as the expectation / expenses for the BPs now are definitely a HUGE thing for those that give sooo much time to the couple.
At least in traditional etiquette things were a lot more even / fairer. And there weren’t the number of problems that I see today.
In the very least, I suggest that Brides & Grooms, when picking / talking to their Bridal Party that they are very very clear on what is expected so there are no hurt feelings / disappointment / resentment.
Hope this helps,
PS… You may also get feedback from some Brides who said they paid for it all for everyone… and they did so because they saw it as a Venue Expense… OR they truly believe it rude to invite people and then expect them to pay a share. IMO it really is all a matter of opinion on etiquette rules… Etiquette is one of those things that manners that can be either embraced or “knowingly ignored”. The only thing is that like manners, when you go against the grain there is usually a risk involved. The key is knowing the risk and the potential fall out.
As I said, ONLY YOU know your Audience / Guests / Family and what will work best in this situation.