(Closed) Possessive friend..

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Sorry you are going through this. I’d explainj to her that friendship is mutual and also has its ebbs and flows; it changes over time. Tell her you value her friendship but you have many other things going on in your life and she needs to be more understanding of your other responsibilities, relationships and interests and understand that barring an emergency, you will speak with her, hang out with, etc. when it is convenient and feasible for you.

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

When someone’s acting irrationally, I think it’s important to assert boundaries and then stick to them. I think you did the right thing by briefly explaining and then ignoring her overreaction. Rinse and repeat.

Post # 8
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The question is: do you value her friendship? Or is she someone that has been an acquaintance, and a needy one at that? You should decide if you want her in your life because from what you have said this person is “all or nothing” when it comes to your attention. Friendships are supposed to enhance your life and it doesn’t sound like this person is doing that for you.

Post # 9
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@alaiyo: You might want to change your security settings for her on FB so she can’t see anything but your profile pic—no wall, no other photos, etc. That way, she can’t harass you about what she cannot see.

And I think you are well within your rights to just say to her, “You are sucking the fun out of our friendship with your irrational behavior and I either need you to reel it in and get control of yourself or we need to distance our friendship a bit.” Maybe that sounds a bit harsh, but sometimes people don’t “get it” unless you spell it out clearly and without question for them.

Wishing you luck… Keep us updated as to how things turn out.

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think sitting her down and having a conversation with her would help, like tootietoo mentioned. Relationships change over the years, and there are times when I don’t talk to some of my best friends for a few weeks or even months. When we do talk, it’s like we pick up where we left off. She needs to understand that you are not her #1 relationship now – your Fiance is.

I would also tell her that her possesiveness isn’t a sign of a friendship. You have other things in your life going on, and while you enjoy her friendship, you can’t handle the jealousy and the possesiveness. She might get angry, but it’s something that needs to be said.

Post # 12
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

I had a friend like that too, we dont speak anymore. I didnt realize until after it ended how horrible she was to me. Mutual “friends” would ask me all the time how I was friends with her, and looking back…I really dont know.

Post # 13
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

she’s probably a closet lesbian and is secretly in love with you.

i had a friend that was the same way in middle and high school.  she would throw a fit if i hung out with my other friend over her, etc… she ended up being a lesbian and told me later in life that she was in love with me back then. lol 

Post # 16
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It was a difficult time for me and it’s a shame to see someone else going through a similar thing. Some people just don’t understand boundaries.

The topic ‘Possessive friend..’ is closed to new replies.

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