(Closed) Possible engagement too long?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

View original reply
@dfutureNP:  Thanks πŸ™‚ You too πŸ™‚ As for keeping things exciting, you could start putting together a wedding binder or folder. That way all of your ideas are in one place and you can start getting a good idea of the vision you have and it will also help with the overwhelming feeling of wedding planning. 

Post # 19
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I say you do what you want.  Who gives a shit what other people think, it’s your life and your engagement.

Post # 21
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m going against the grain here, we will be engaged for close to 2 years when the big day comes around & it’s been too long for us. We feel like our whole life is on hold just to afford / have the wedding of our dreams. A year or under would have been ideal, would be much smaller, but we’d still be married. Each couple is different, but that’s our experience.

Post # 23
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

2.5 year engagement over here…as long as you guys are fine with it, it doesnt matter. I get questions all the time, but I love being engaged. πŸ™‚ lots of perks like getting your date first and locking in good prices!

Btw, it’s now nearly down to 2 years and it went quickly! It’ll be quick for you, too.

 

Post # 24
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Our engagement is around 2 years (+ a few months). The main reason is that we are waiting for me to graduate. Getting my masters degree and planning a wedding would be no fun and super stressful, so I am glad I have a few years to enjoy the process of planning. Plus, when I tell people that is why we are waiting, they always respond with ‘Wow, what a great idea.’

On the flip side, it is a little bittersweet to see all of your friends/family who have gotten engaged after you do all the fun wedding process parts before you. But, gives you a few things to consider when doing your own process- make it fun and learn from things that you see. πŸ™‚

Have fun planning!

Post # 25
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Your engagement should be however long or short you want. It’s wrong for other people to judge. The plus side of a 3-year engagement is that you have all the time in the world to plan the wedding!

Post # 26
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think 3 years is a bit much, but do what you want!

Post # 27
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@dfutureNP:  I think it’s great! and Conrats!! I personally like the idea of a long engagement – makes the stress of planning much more spread out and less crazy! Good Luck with it all πŸ™‚

Post # 28
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

For me, I say what`s the rush in getting engaged if you know a wedding isn’t plausible in the forseeable future? I know this is going against the trend in this thread, but I also do notice that the vast majority of the people supporting it have had long engagements. There are reasons very long engagements don’t tend to happen that often. 

Any long engagement I know of has either a) ended, or b) the couple is still playing make believe years later down the line, with no wedding in the forseeable future. 

But having said all that, this is your life and you shouldn’t make decisions based on what other people think, as long as you’re comfortable and happy with it. Then you can field all the questions in the world with no concern!! πŸ™‚

Post # 29
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It would be too long for me. Not because I would worry about other people, but because I like to get the show on the road! 

When I hear about long engagements, I usually think the couple isn’t so serious about it because they don’t have any answers for when this wedding is happening. But if you both give the same concrete answer ie,”June 2016!” Then I would take you more seriously. But I would NEVER say anything to someone doing the open ended engagement, even if it was my sister. That would just be rude. Not everyone does things the same, you know?

HOWEVER, I think that if you two are ok with a long engagement, then do it!

PS- My sister actually did the long and open ended engagement, I think it was nearing 3 years when they married. They have now been happily married for 5 years. I like them as a couple, but at the time I wasn’t entirely sure that was a good idea, and didn’t know if they’d make it. They knew what they were doing and I’m happy to be wrong. πŸ™‚ 

Post # 30
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@dfutureNP:  Replace “nurse practicioner student” with “PhD grad student,” and we have very very similar stories.  I say you’re fine- there is nothing wrong with being engaged that long.  Engaged is just a formal way of saying you seriously plan to get married.  Whether that’s tomorrow or 10 years down the road is up to you and your husband-to-be.

There are some people who say it’s too long, it’s not serious, why don’t you wait to get engaged, etc.  In my (limited) observations, those tend to be people who had “shorter” (less than 2 years) engagements.  And while that’s great for them, it doesn’t necessarily work well for everyone.  As for the suggestion to wait to get engaged… Why wait?  You’re telling me “why wait” for the wedding, then why wait to get engaged?  We intend to marry.  We decided to make it formal, as a way to solidify our couple status.  Sorry it doesn’t follow your perfect timeline.

Example: one girl I know had an engagement period just under a year.  When she found out I was engaged, she was excited, then found out we wouldn’t be getting married til I was done with grad school.  She kept bugging me about it, saying it was way too long, blah blah blah.  I said yeah, it was long, but unless she can give me direct experience of planning as a bride in a very demanding graduate program, all while the couple are separated (long distance for the win), then she can talk to me.  That shut her up pretty fast.

Post # 31
Member
11267 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@dfutureNP:  i don’t think it’s that long.  you both have plans to attend to before starting the wedding planning.  there’s nothing wrong with that.

we got engaged in ’09 and wanted to accomplish a few things before planning the wedding.  we didn’t even discuss the wedding until 5 months prior.  we got married in ’12.  it’s amazing how the time flies.  we’ve already been married 13 months now.

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