(Closed) Possible engagement too long?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s your engagement, so do what works best for you. Personally, I think you are being very smart about it.

Post # 33
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ours was two and a half years, because I was still in school. Also we knew we wanted to get married but we also didn’t want to rush into anything due to our ages.  Now the wedding is 11 days away and I loved the long engagement.

Post # 34
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I prefer a long engagement since I don’t get why getting engaged and then married is such a race. We don’t plan on TTC for another 5-6 years, and we’re already common law based on the length of time we’ve lived together. We file our taxes together, share health insurance, and have named each other in our wills. Once we’re officially engaged, I’ll want to take time to enjoy it before planning like a madwoman. We have life goals we want to accomplish, and sometimes, it makes more sense to spend $5000 on a trip rather than put it in the wedding fund. Our tentative date has us being engaged for about 2 years before we get married, but since I have my heart set on a particular date, we have no qualms about pushing the wedding to 2016.

Post # 35
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2014

My love and I were together for 10 years when we decided on the official date. He gave me a ring after roughly two years of being together btu I was alter shy and things in our lives were not where I wanted them to be (lived away from fam and so on). On our 10 year anniversary I said ” I think I have the perfect date for a wedding and he blurted out 12-13-14 which is what I was thinking so there ya go. It will be our 12 year anniversary on that day. There is no right or wrong this will be YOUR DAY no matter how long the engagement is. Also like another poster mentioned you get first dibs on your venue etc because you are planning ahead. TRUST ME the time flies and there are 110 things to plan! Good luck and Congrats!

Post # 36
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

@dfutureNP: Not at all! I got engaged in January and we aren’t getting married until June 2016 (go June 2016 brides!). To me, an engagement is about more than planning a wedding. It’s about making a commitment and a promise. By definition, an engagement is “a formal agreement to get married”. Yes, an engagement is the time in which you plan your wedding, but more importantly, it’s the time in which you prepare for marriage, and for many people, preparing for marriage includes meeting educational and financial goals first. Although the average engagement is eighteen months, many engagements are longer and many engagements are shorter. It varies from couple to couple. As long as you plan on getting married in the future, whether it be in a month or in five years, and you have a reason for putting it off (ex. finishing school or saving money, not “I don’t know if I want to marry him or her, so I’m going to put it off and see how I feel in a few years”, because you shouldn’t get engaged unless you know you want to get married), there is nothing wrong with having a long engagement. Like you, I’m having a long engagement because of school. We got engaged when we did because we knew that we were going to get married in the future and we wanted to make it official. Yes, we could have promised to get married without getting engaged, but we were ready to take the next step and promise ourselves to each other and share it with the world. Just because you have to wait to get married doesn’t mean you have to wait to get engaged. If you’re ready, go for it! I’m not going to lie, waiting isn’t easy, but you will be waiting whether or not you’re engaged. In my opinion, if you and your significant other are seriously discussing marriage and you both want to and are ready to get engaged, don’t put it off just because you don’t want to have a long engagement. Good luck and early congratulations! 🙂

Post # 37
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
@Apple_Blossom:  I just wanted to say that I couldn’t agree more! That’s exactly how I see it. We were considering waiting to get engaged so we would have a shorter engagement, but we were serious about getting married and we were ready to make that commitment, so we didn’t see the point in putting it off. Why wait if you’re ready? Also, if a couple in a long engagement doesn’t end up getting married, it isn’t because of the length of their engagement. Waiting isn’t easy, but it isn’t impossible, and extending your engagement for reasons outside of your relationship (ex. school, money, military) isn’t enough of a reason to not get married at all, especially if getting married sooner isn’t practical or possible. 

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