(Closed) possible jealous FSIL

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

She’s waiting for a different, later month.  And choosing the same ceremony location doesn’t steal your thunder.  Maybe seeing her son getting married made your Future Mother-In-Law realize how much her daughter (who’s been engaged longer) wants to get married.  Maybe seeing his Future Brother-In-Law getting engaged and married quicker than he was made your FSIL’s Fiance made getting married a higher priority.  Maybe she broke down in tears and her Fiance or mom asked what was wrong, and maybe she felt like despite having a ring, she felt like she was never going to get married.  Your wedding day will be yours.  Her wedding day will be hers.  Your Future Mother-In-Law inviting more people has nothing to do with your Future Sister-In-Law.  Don’t bring your Future Sister-In-Law into it when you talk with your Fiance or Future Mother-In-Law.

Post # 4
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I get being a little put off with your Mother-In-Law over-stepping you and agree there, but for me personally I wouldn’t have an issue with your SIL following closely behind. I’d agree its strangely close, and will likely make for a hectic few months for their family, but I’m not sure I’d be angry.

If its so close in succession, I don’t think that allows for much time for any ‘idea stealing’. Your engagement has been shorter than theirs, your wedding will take place before theirs too, so I feel like they have still have respected your special day. I’m of the opinion that you don’t own the year.

One thing I would consider is that maybe she was always really set on an October wedding? I’m sure seeing you and your FH plan gave her the bug and motivated her to get it in gear, and maybe the thought of having to wait an extra year just to have her Oct wedding but not step on any toes was just too much? Maybe her compromise was making sure the date would be AFTER yours and not before so no thunder would be stolen? This may or may not be even remotely close to the truth, but just a thought!

Post # 5
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hey, you feel how you feel, you know?  You can’t change that.  But I do think you need a little perspective.  You get one weekend for your wedding…  I don’t think you get a few months.  Your Future Sister-In-Law is getting married almost a month later and has been engaged longer.  It’s not uncommon for siblings to get married in the same church either. I don’t think she’s trying to steal your thunder.  She’s getting married after you, not before you, anyway.

As far as your Future Mother-In-Law and the guest list, perhaps she thinks she is trying to be helpful.  If you have an issue with inviting these people, ask your FH to talk to her about it, and explain why you don’t want these extra people at your wedding.

Post # 6
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I understand how you feel. Even if it isn’t your SIL’s intention, it does sting a little bit.

  Have you talked to your FH about his mom talking to the pastor? Does she normally butt in like that? If not, she could have thought she was saving you a phone call (which is nice, but completely overstepping her boundaries). Also, does his family attend the church where both weddings are happening, or is there some special tie to that church?

  I know it stings, and it does suck. Overall, though, when it is all said and done, it will be remembered for your wedding. At least they are planning for after your wedding and not trying to shove theirs in earlier!

Post # 8
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

SAME church tomorrow so that she can get married there TOO! a couple of weeks after us in October. WHAT? ……… I feel that they should give us some time to have our special time and wedding, maybe like 3 mos

i literally burst out laughing reading this – so your “special time” means people should not get married for a period of 3 months AFTER your wedding?

edit: sorry i know i sound like a harsh cow but its still funny!  i think you need to remind yourself your wedding is about you but other people have their lives as well.  goodluck


Post # 9
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I would completely be feeling the same way! When there was a possibility that my sister was getting engaged (that is a HUGE, whole other issue that I’m not going to get into), I was nervous/angry that she would try to push her date in before mine. You do want your day to be special, and you want to have a good amount of “space” around it! I guess I’m a little more sensitive to it, because we had originally pushed off our engagement because of his brother. It’s nice to have your thunder!

  As hard as it is, continue to handle it with grace like you are, and then come and vent on the Bee :-).

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