Post # 1
Ok, so my fiance and I got engaged in december and we are planning our wedding for september of this year 🙂 Everyone was happy for us, and it seemed that my future sister in law was also happy for us. She’s normally very bubbly and supportive of our relationship, but lately she has not been her normal self. When the subject came up this Christmas, she didn’t seem too excited or involved in the conversation, it was odd for her, I kind of got this feeling that she may be jealous. She has been engaged for over a year now and there has been no sort of planning for her wedding yet or anything, and once I was complaining about how expensive weddings are, and how I hope we can pull it all off. To that she said “yea, thats part of why we arent married yet” and that was that. So recently we found the venues, got everything straight and decided to book the places and set the date. This past sat. i went out shopping for a dress w/ my mom. We found the perfect dress. I get home and look on FB… it says her and her mom are going to shop for dresses on Monday. She wasn’t talking about wedding stuff, planning anything or even trying to get married yet. ALL of the sudden, she’s rapidly planning stuff. So now I hear that tonight my fiance talked to his mom and she said that they are goin to the SAME church tomorrow so that she can get married there TOO! a couple of weeks after us in October. WHAT? am I being wrong for having an issue with this? I feel that they should give us some time to have our special time and wedding, maybe like3 mos.. i’d never do that. So now she can be in the church at our wedding planning her own in her head.. its BS in my opinion really… very rude.. and on top of that my Mother-In-Law wanted to invite extra ppl that my fiance doesnt even care to invite an dI have never met, but we told her we can’t because the pastor asked me not to add anymore people to the list bc we’re at capacity. And do you know what she told him ? She said that since they are going up to the church tomorrow she would ask him about it. She is stepping over the line and getting into our personal plans and I DO NOT appreciate it.. what in the world should I do? I don’t want to start off my marriage with a bad relationship with my in laws, but this is not right.
Post # 3
She’s waiting for a different, later month. And choosing the same ceremony location doesn’t steal your thunder. Maybe seeing her son getting married made your Future Mother-In-Law realize how much her daughter (who’s been engaged longer) wants to get married. Maybe seeing his Future Brother-In-Law getting engaged and married quicker than he was made your FSIL’s Fiance made getting married a higher priority. Maybe she broke down in tears and her Fiance or mom asked what was wrong, and maybe she felt like despite having a ring, she felt like she was never going to get married. Your wedding day will be yours. Her wedding day will be hers. Your Future Mother-In-Law inviting more people has nothing to do with your Future Sister-In-Law. Don’t bring your Future Sister-In-Law into it when you talk with your Fiance or Future Mother-In-Law.
Post # 4
I get being a little put off with your Mother-In-Law over-stepping you and agree there, but for me personally I wouldn’t have an issue with your SIL following closely behind. I’d agree its strangely close, and will likely make for a hectic few months for their family, but I’m not sure I’d be angry.
If its so close in succession, I don’t think that allows for much time for any ‘idea stealing’. Your engagement has been shorter than theirs, your wedding will take place before theirs too, so I feel like they have still have respected your special day. I’m of the opinion that you don’t own the year.
One thing I would consider is that maybe she was always really set on an October wedding? I’m sure seeing you and your FH plan gave her the bug and motivated her to get it in gear, and maybe the thought of having to wait an extra year just to have her Oct wedding but not step on any toes was just too much? Maybe her compromise was making sure the date would be AFTER yours and not before so no thunder would be stolen? This may or may not be even remotely close to the truth, but just a thought!
Post # 5
Hey, you feel how you feel, you know? You can’t change that. But I do think you need a little perspective. You get one weekend for your wedding… I don’t think you get a few months. Your Future Sister-In-Law is getting married almost a month later and has been engaged longer. It’s not uncommon for siblings to get married in the same church either. I don’t think she’s trying to steal your thunder. She’s getting married after you, not before you, anyway.
As far as your Future Mother-In-Law and the guest list, perhaps she thinks she is trying to be helpful. If you have an issue with inviting these people, ask your FH to talk to her about it, and explain why you don’t want these extra people at your wedding.
Post # 6
I understand how you feel. Even if it isn’t your SIL’s intention, it does sting a little bit.
Have you talked to your FH about his mom talking to the pastor? Does she normally butt in like that? If not, she could have thought she was saving you a phone call (which is nice, but completely overstepping her boundaries). Also, does his family attend the church where both weddings are happening, or is there some special tie to that church?
I know it stings, and it does suck. Overall, though, when it is all said and done, it will be remembered for your wedding. At least they are planning for after your wedding and not trying to shove theirs in earlier!
Post # 7
you all have very good points here, thank you. I don’t want to sound like a brat, but this all just happened and i’m like damn! really? lol I realize I don’t own the year or whatever but i guess i’m just not liking the whole vibe coming from that way about it.
as far as the guest list thing goes, that situation is getting tense, i hope it doesnt cause problems.. and no the church isnt one that the family goes to. it’s one that i picked after searching for somewhere to have the ceremony.
Future Mother-In-Law has never been pushy or anything before, i guess i’m just caught off guard by it all.
Post # 8
SAME church tomorrow so that she can get married there TOO! a couple of weeks after us in October. WHAT? ……… I feel that they should give us some time to have our special time and wedding, maybe like 3 mos
i literally burst out laughing reading this – so your “special time” means people should not get married for a period of 3 months AFTER your wedding?
edit: sorry i know i sound like a harsh cow but its still funny! i think you need to remind yourself your wedding is about you but other people have their lives as well. goodluck
Post # 9
I would completely be feeling the same way! When there was a possibility that my sister was getting engaged (that is a HUGE, whole other issue that I’m not going to get into), I was nervous/angry that she would try to push her date in before mine. You do want your day to be special, and you want to have a good amount of “space” around it! I guess I’m a little more sensitive to it, because we had originally pushed off our engagement because of his brother. It’s nice to have your thunder!
As hard as it is, continue to handle it with grace like you are, and then come and vent on the Bee :-).
Post # 10
@eloping: so it sounded a bit dramatic. i was annoyed at the time. lol. basically what i’m saying here is that if I were to do that… there would be issues… between ours and hers there should be a little time in between. that’s wrongof me to think? fine. i’m not goin to start anything over it or act any kind of way, but i was just like really? come on. there was no rush at all until now suddenly when we start planning. i think thats what irks me most.
Post # 11
@keepsmiling19: Thank you! she wants the spotlight and being the “baby” of the family, she had to push her plans in there with ours, and its pretty annoying. She jumped on planning as soon as she heard about our plans.. after a whole year and some change u couldnt wait a little extra time? people here are acting like i’m being so stupid about it but i feel how i feel. I’m better now that i’ve vented… thats what this is about.. not actually taking action and causing a family drama about it.. but people are saying i’m wrong for that.. lol glad someone at least can see where im coming from