Post # 1
Okay so me and my fiancé have been together 3 years. I have always had my trust issues so I have kept a close eye on his email. Well Wednesday night we got in an argument while I was out of town. When I got back home I went through his email and there was online “sex” dating accounts recently made. None of the emails were open. I went through and looked at the profiles. There was 3 total.
They had very very minimal info.
Interested in women, hair color and ages 18-40 or 55 on some (he’s 27) some had his correct dob and some were a few days off. But 2 profiles had a picture that showed his hair color, but nothing else was listed. But his “profile pic” was 4 years old.
The profiles said they were “created” about the same time on Thursday at like 4-5 am per the emails.
on the profiles, they weren’t password protected, like I clicked the email and it opened the account without making me log in through my phone. There was no “profile views” made on his end, no outgoing messages, no read messages, no winks, no nothing.
Iconfronted him and he of course denied them and got really upset that I was even questioning it and said he doesn’t know how to show me it wasn’t him.
What do I beleive? The sex accounts? Or would it be spam?
in each email it said unsubscribe and you won’t receive emails.
He went ahead and deactivated that whole email account, but I’m still not sure. Help!
Post # 2
There was also 3 emails sent out via craigslist. To the w4m section.
The email sent out from his email was super generic, it said, “27 and bored also my name is ****, what are you doing” another said here are my pics I hope I get some back, and sent those really really old selfies, and then the other said “bored and looking for a relaxing morning”
the he one sent with pics got a response that he never responded to.
The other two were in the “trash” because they didn’t “send” there was an error.
And the one that got a response was opened but like I said he never responded to the nudes the girl sent…
none me of them sound like him, but then again I’m not gonna sit around and be played like I’m stupid.
Post # 3
This is pretty self explanatory. Should you have been snooping? No. But look at what you find. You know what to do.
FWIW I consider “intent” to be just as bad as the act itself.
Post # 4
shelleybelly : I just don’t know if part of it was a scam or what. I feel like the sent emails could of been something, but they were connected to spammed adds, that asked for credit card info in the add and other things. But the accounts I could “unsubscribe”with one click and it shut down the whole profile. It doesn’t add up but the account also weren’t used.
Post # 5
Hackers and spammers don’t usually seek to destroy relationships by using personal details to set up multiple accounts on dating and hookup sites and linking them all to the same email. What would anyone but your fi stand to gain from that? It seems pretty clear from here that he set these up with intent to “test the waters” and see who would respond, and what his other options were. He likely didn’t respond to later emails because he came to his senses or felt guilty or ashamed about it later, but he did make that choice, multiple times. He asked strange women on Craigslist for nudes, and now, to avoid the consequences for his scuzzbaggery, he’s chosen to simply deny it, like a child hiding a broken object behind his back. The way I see it, if he’s selfish enough to stray, and childish enough to refuse to take accountability for his actions and mistakes like a grown ass man, then he’s not respectable enough to marry. Don’t pretend to be naive for this guy.
Post # 6
I might also add, in my 3 YEARS of snooping never once has anything like this every come up or even been a question.
And I didn’t get home til 2 days after the emails were sent. But like I said the “accounts” we’re never used and Gmail has moved most to spam on its own just not the “activate account email”
no replies no usage no nothing.
Post # 7
pbubs : well I obviously thought all of that. But looking up those “sexting” sites, I have seen and read multiple articles today of people find their own info on those sites along with pics.
It just doesn’t make sense, especially because there was no activation, there was no usage, he didn’t even view any profiles on those sites cause you can “see who you’ve viewed”
Post # 8
And there was no personal info listed on the accounts. No preferences. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. If it was, it was the wrong dob, and only hair color was listed in the profile that had a super old picture.
All 3 pictures were in his email as well.
I also know he has no been using this email in over a year.
Just doesn’t add up either way, for spammers or him being a complete scum.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I think you should end the relationship. Online cheating aside, you’ll spend the rest of your future with him checking emails, texts, and web history. Is that the kind of relationship you want to have? One where you snoop for years on end? That’s a really stressful and unhappy way to exist, I think.
You haven’t trusted him your entire relationship and this incident won’t do anything but make that worse. Find someone you don’t feel you have to snoop on.
Post # 10
OK, here’s my 2 cents and you probably won’t like it, but I share out of caring and concern.
Coming from a girl who had massive trust issues in her marriage without any concrete reason to mis-trust, at the end of the day he was a cheating scum bag who went to strip clubs behind my back and ended up cheating on me with a co-worker. He did passive things to break my trust throughout the entire relationship, INCLUDING creating online dating/hook-up accounts and then claiming they weren’t him. His didn’t show activity, either, in terms of messaging, but I think he was just looking around/wanting to see naked women. One account I found early on in our marriage should have been a warning sign to get out, and I wish I’d had someone who would have urged me to, but I kept it all a secret and we worked it out. That time. At the end of the day, his wandering eye and putting me down to where my self esteem was in the toilet is what broke our marriage – take it for the cautionary tale that it is.
I’m now with a man who gives me zero reason to mistrust him. I never feel the need to check e-mail accounts or his phone, ever. I think your feeling a need to check up on him speaks volumes and probably means that it’s not the right relationship. I highly encourage counseling to work on yourself and your own self-worth before you marry this guy.
Post # 11
The Craigslist emails are pretty damning. That alone would make me end the relationship. Better to end an engagement than a marriage.
Post # 12
I know you want to believe him but that’s not how scammers work. They don’t set up fake profiles seeking sex on your behalf, they approach you pretending to be a chick or whatever.
He has clearly in my opinion set up profiles to trawl those sites as you have to have one to view those sites. He was thinking of, or did seek sex with strangers.
you say there was no personal info but there was. It was his email address, his DOB (or close), his hair colour and a picture of him.
The accounts had his DOB or close to it (smart to use a fakey if you’re in a relationship and want to hide your identity, no?) and pictures of him were shared in emails from his email address. He used an old email address so he can keep it seperate. He used old pics because he liked them, they were close at hand, they didn’t have you in them, and men are lazy – even single men on these sites often have god awful pics. It all seems very typical of a man considering cheating and there is nothing except his denial which points to anything different
I am really sorry you’re dealing with this
Post # 13
It sounds odd, I agree with PP who said he may have felt guilt or shame and stopped the activity.
Has he given you other reasons to mistrust him? (sorry for the weird English)
Post # 14
msfrost89 : no nothing else in the entire 3 years. Ever. And like I said 2/3 accounts had correct dob, one didn’t. The only profile with a pic had hair color, nothing else. And nothing was opened! And you can see if you view people and he didn’t view anyone.
Post # 15
Spammers would not go to the trouble of setting up accounts in someone’s name, complete with photos, on a day that just so happens to coincide with a bad fight while you were out of town. The fact that there was no activation or usage, could just mean that he acted out of impulse, then thought better of it.
With the Craig’s List emails too? You’d have to be pretty naive to believe what he’s trying to sell you.