(Closed) Possible online cheating

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

This is pretty self explanatory. Should you have been snooping? No. But look at what you find. You know what to do.

 

FWIW I consider “intent” to be just as bad as the act itself.

Post # 5
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Hackers and spammers don’t usually seek to destroy relationships by using personal details to set up multiple accounts on dating and hookup sites and linking them all to the same email. What would anyone but your fi stand to gain from that? It seems pretty clear from here that he set these up with intent to “test the waters” and see who would respond, and what his other options were. He likely didn’t respond to later emails because he came to his senses or felt guilty or ashamed about it later, but he did make that choice, multiple times. He asked strange women on Craigslist for nudes, and now, to avoid the consequences for his scuzzbaggery, he’s chosen to simply deny it, like a child hiding a broken object behind his back. The way I see it, if he’s selfish enough to stray, and childish enough to refuse to take accountability for his actions and mistakes like a grown ass man, then he’s not respectable enough to marry. Don’t pretend to be naive for this guy. 

Post # 9
Member
3444 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I think you should end the relationship. Online cheating aside, you’ll spend the rest of your future with him checking emails, texts, and web history. Is that the kind of relationship you want to have? One where you snoop for years on end? That’s a really stressful and unhappy way to exist, I think.

You haven’t trusted him your entire relationship and this incident won’t do anything but make that worse. Find someone you don’t feel you have to snoop on.

Post # 10
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

OK, here’s my 2 cents and you probably won’t like it, but I share out of caring and concern.

Coming from a girl who had massive trust issues in her marriage without any concrete reason to mis-trust, at the end of the day he was a cheating scum bag who went to strip clubs behind my back and ended up cheating on me with a co-worker. He did passive things to break my trust throughout the entire relationship, INCLUDING creating online dating/hook-up accounts and then claiming they weren’t him. His didn’t show activity, either, in terms of messaging, but I think he was just looking around/wanting to see naked women. One account I found early on in our marriage should have been a warning sign to get out, and I wish I’d had someone who would have urged me to, but I kept it all a secret and we worked it out. That time. At the end of the day, his wandering eye and putting me down to where my self esteem was in the toilet is what broke our marriage – take it for the cautionary tale that it is.

I’m now with a man who gives me zero reason to mistrust him. I never feel the need to check e-mail accounts or his phone, ever. I think your feeling a need to check up on him speaks volumes and probably means that it’s not the right relationship. I highly encourage counseling to work on yourself and your own self-worth before you marry this guy.

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

The Craigslist emails are pretty damning. That alone would make me end the relationship. Better to end an engagement than a marriage.

Post # 12
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

I know you want to believe him but that’s not how scammers work. They don’t set up fake profiles seeking sex on your behalf, they approach you pretending to be a chick or whatever.

He has clearly in my opinion set up profiles to trawl those sites as you have to have one to view those sites. He was thinking of, or did seek sex with strangers.

you say there was no personal info but there was. It was his email address, his DOB (or close), his hair colour and a picture of him. 

The accounts had his DOB or close to it (smart to use a fakey if you’re in a relationship and want to hide your identity, no?) and pictures of him were shared in emails from his email address. He used an old email address so he can keep it seperate. He used old pics because he liked them, they were close at hand, they didn’t have you in them, and men are lazy – even single men on these sites often have god awful pics. It all seems very typical of a man considering cheating and there is nothing except his denial which points to anything different 

I am really sorry you’re dealing with this

Post # 13
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

It sounds odd, I agree with PP who said he may have felt guilt or shame and stopped the activity.

Has he given you other reasons to mistrust him? (sorry for the weird English)

 

Post # 15
Member
12109 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Spammers would not go to the trouble of setting up accounts in someone’s name, complete with photos, on a day that just so happens to coincide with a bad fight while you were out of town. The fact that there was no activation or usage, could just mean that he acted out of impulse, then thought better of it.

With the Craig’s List emails too?  You’d have to be pretty naive to believe what he’s trying to sell you.  

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