(Closed) Possible online cheating

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

pbeave09876 :  so lemme get this straight: he signed up on some sex websites AND craigslist and you call this “possible” cheating? Ya, ok. He’s definitely testing the waters and I would bounce if I were you…

Post # 17
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I assume the fight made him mad and he created those accounts and sent the emails. After he cooled down he probably realized it was a bad idea and never got around to actually using them. Doesn’t sound like a scam to me, just  the result of a bad fight.

Post # 18
Member
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Please look at this logically.. his explanation requires all kinds of crazy things happening… whereas the most likely sitatuion seems pretty normal 

Post # 19
Member
382 posts
Helper bee

You shouldn’t be with someone you feel the need to “keep an eye on” (as you mentioned on your OP). Even if you had or had never found anything, you shouldn’t be building a relationship over trust issues. Do you really want to be with someone who you can’t trust? Do you want to be with someone you feel the need to supervise?

I urge to end this relationship, not because of what he has done (which I do think can be considered as cheating, yet it can be worked out), but because it is unfair for both of you to continue a relationship were neither of you trust in your partner (you by snooping, him by lying).

Post # 21
Hostess
9628 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

pbeave09876 :  Ok, at first I thought, yeah maybe this could be spam.. but weird they have his name/bday/and an OLD PIC…

Then you got to the part about the CL ads. Girl, run. He is actively trying to cheat. He’s putting out and sending messages in the CL sections while out of town. He’s (in the least) receiving nude pics from real people. This isn’t the same as watching porn, or paying for and watching cam girls. 

This is cheating – or actively trolling for other women to have sex with (or in the least, masterbate to). If he hasn’t been cheating already, he’s been doing a solid job of cleaning up evidence OR his trip away from home compounded with your fight has made him look outside your relationship, which is totally not ok.

If he handles stressful situations in your relationship by seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere, I’m not sure how many red flags I should be waving at you…..?

Post # 22
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Everyone is telling you he is cheating and he sure as shit did make those accounts. That’s not how spam works. He’s lying to you. And yet you seem to be in total denial and are miffed that you did not get the answer that you wanted from posting here. I am sorry that you are going through this. I’ve been there. But ignoring the truth and the facts is only going to prolong this and make it more painful, not less.

Post # 23
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

pbeave09876 : Get out of this relationship and into some kind of therapeutic program where you can develop self confidence. You deserve a higher quality life. Becoming a higher quality person will bring higher quality people into your life. You really do deserve to have better relationships all around you. This guy is not the issue. Best wishes, please put your well being and future achievements above this guy.

Post # 24
Member
9809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If you feel the need to snoop for your entire 3 year relationship you might as well dump him now because this relationship is going nowhere.

Post # 25
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Vineyard Lake

Please don’t “play the fool”! The CL posts tell you everything you need to know! Then add to it the other 3 accounts…..Come on!!

Sorry bee!

Post # 26
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Okay, I’m choosing to ignore all the emails and stuff you found. I think the question you REALLY have to ask yourself is: are you willing to play this game for the rest of your life? The answer should most certainly be no. You said it yourself…you’ve been snooping for 3 YEARS! That is craziness! Is that how you want to live your life? I would break up with this guy and get into some counseling to get to the root of your insecurities. 

Post # 27
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

The denial is strong with this one…. 

Post # 28
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Here’s my two cents: should you leave him? Probably not because he didn’t act on it. Did he do it? Yes without a doubt in my mind. are you in denial? Yes I think so. If you want your relationship to work you have to stop snooping. And if you do find something but it’s not concrete wait until you do then confront him. I think you acted prematurely, if there is a next time get more info before u bust him out. 

Post # 29
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

pbeave09876 :   You think by coincidence craigslist emails and sexting profiles were created around the same time?  Of course that was all him, come on. And who cares if it’s not his real DOB, do you really think that proves anything?

I’m not telling you to leave him, but I think you need to be realistic about what he’s done. Also he needs to own up to his actions. Deleting his email account only erases the proof. It does nothing to resolve the issue. 

Post # 30
Member
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

pbeave09876 :  My Fiance gets emails from dating websites sometimes..but if you click on any of them they NEVER take me to a profile.. If they took you to a profile that had his pictures and any info, he created it himself. Spammers or phishers will not set up an account like that. They may have a generic account that a link could log you in to, but there’s no way his correct info would be in any of the details.

Also, the craigslist stuff would be enough for me to be done. There’s no way that was a set up. He did it, no other explaination. It was in his sent messages.. IF, and I say IF, a hacker sent an e-mail to someone from him, it wouldn’t actually be FROM him, it would just appear to be from him. Such e-mail would NOT be in his sent folder/outbox.

I work in IT and we deal with issues like this frequently with people attempting to phish information – they send out e-mails that appear to be from an account from our company, but they are NOT. What is showing up in your FIs e-mail outbox is NOT a case of this..

Please don’t be naive and believe what he is telling you. 

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