(Closed) Possible online cheating

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

Why do you have trust issues to the point where you’re checking his email/texts if he’s “never” done anything like this?? I guess that doesn’t make sense to me. 

Post # 32
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

futuremrss17 :  You work in IT and your Fiance gets emails from dating websites and you don’t think that’s shady as hell? I’ve NEVER gotten an email from a dating website. Neither has Darling Husband. I’m pretty sure you don’t get those unless you’ve input your email address there. Someone correct me if I’m wrong. 

Post # 33
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

pbeave09876 :  many of the responses you are writing are denial responses. You are denying that he is guilty of what is clearly shown in the hard evidence you found. He consciously made a decision to make those dating site profiles and ask for pics and send them from Craigslist. It’s not a coincidence. He actually thought and attempted to cheat on you, which in my book IS considered cheating.  Sorry, bee, but you need to talk to this with him and if he cannot own up to it, you definitely need to leave him.

Post # 34
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

Oh, bee, no…that’s not how sex websites work. Usually scammers may use your picture but none of the information is correct on the profile. Otherwise, any profiles that has his date of birth (give or take a few days), his email and correct information then your fiancé, not a scammer, is testing the waters. Of course he’s going to deny it. What person would try to cheat and admit to it outright? Not one person. Cut your losses. He used his old email probably because he sends all his junk mail to it and used old pictures as you’re not in them. Denying the obvious that yes, your boo, your husband to be, your fiancé was trying to test the waters. That was the first step, if you stay with him, he will cheat. 

Post # 35
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

amarelle :  that sounds like what happened! That also begs the question, “How will he respond to “fights” in the future? Resort to the same thing or be a mature adult and handle it as such, given OP also handles it that way?”

Post # 36
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

amb1030 :  I mean I’ve gotten “sexy girl wants to webcam with you” junk emails but never junkmail from Match.com or similar. 

Post # 37
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Maybe he done it because you have spent three years spying on him. If you keep refusing to allow yourself to trust you will drive people away. I think the real problem is you. Sorry to be harsh but you need to get help. You need to be alone and you need to find someone when you don’t feel the need to spy and when you are able to trust. 

Post # 38
Member
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Are you dating my ex? Because that’s EXACTLY the same story and details he pulled on me. I left him the same night I found emails to craigslist girls and OKcupid profile. Girl, leave him!

 

EDIT: But for real though. Your dude sounds identical to my ex. Are you located in Illinois?

Post # 39
Member
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

amb1030 :  Yes, because he previously dated online. That is how we met. Online dating sites can and will put you into a database that they sell to other sites. I get them, too, very frequently actually.

I actually looked into it, and match.com sells out e-mail addresses that are deactivated accounts. So does Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, and many others. I had been on eHarmony and Plenty of Fish at different points, and I have received e-mails from match.com (never joined it), farmersonly.com (never joined it), some sugar daddy dating site (defintely never joined)..a couple other weird fetish websites that I had never even heard of as well.

Fiance ws on match.com years before we met, and he’s gotten e-mails from a few different dating websites. I actually called one of them because he had told me about the e-mail – he didn’t understand why he was getting e-mails and he had even unsubscribed. The contact person told me they receive lists from deactivated dating websites. He said the easy way to check if he had actually been on it was to do “forgot my password”, and if he received an e-mail with a reset link, he had been active before, if not, it was a marketing ploy. Guess what? He hadn’t been. 

I did my research on this topic, pretty extensively..because I’ve received e-mails too, and it really bothers me!… Now, OPs situation is very different, because the details are all there plain as day that her Fiance created the profiles. 

Post # 40
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

futuremrss17 :  Gotcha. I didn’t realize he had been active in the past.

Post # 41
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

I once found an ex of mine had posted on the craigslist m4w board.  He didn’t use his own picture thought but it was right there on his laptop.  I tried to do what you are doing now and make excuses and believe it was a scam or hackers.  Say it only happened once (once in 3 years is what you keep saying to justify it).  I stayed with him and months later found more shady stuff (messages btwn him and a girl).  Then caught him cheating.  Sorry OP but you know the truth.  It’s not a scam or a hacker.  Sorry you have to go through this, you don’t deserve it.   Don’t waste any more time with this person like I did.  Good luck to you. 

Post # 42
Member
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

futuremrss17 :  True, I still get emails from match.com even though it has been YEARS. But your email won’t send random stuff to girls from craiglist. That is not happening, especiialy with photos attached. That’s why OP needs to run.

Post # 43
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You’ve been checking his shit for 3 years and think he’s innocent in this situation?

If that’s not denial, I really don’t know what is..

Post # 44
Member
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

amb1030 :  Yes, I should have classified that. I mean, he never gets e-mails saying “Confirm your account” or ” [insert girls name] has messaged you” or anything of that sorts. It’s typically “Join to meet new singles in the XXX area” (which always lists the town and state he lived in years ago, when he had a match.com account, never anywhere near where we live now), or something along those lines. The e-mails I get are often similar, and always have a shortened version of my name that I never go by. I used that name while online dating so that guys I had no interest in couldn’t look me up on Facebook. 

Post # 45
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

I am curious as to why you check his email all the time. I have trust issues too so I feel temptation to check but I don’t actually do it because I would respect his space. Has he done something that has warranted this lack of trust?

 

My ex use to register for sites like this all the time and would tell me the same thing – that he has no idea how it happened. He even set up a new email to use to register for more sites when he realized I was on to him. I cannot condone snooping but you have a lot of evidence. It seems like you won’t accept it unless you get a confession. Do you have access to his computer to see his internet history?

 

unfortunately this situation in itself is going to give anyone more trust issues if you choose to stay. What if you fight again?  You’re gonna be checking his email. What if he makes a new email?  What if it was him?  Is this a deal breaker?

 

the biggest reason why I couldn’t forgive my ex is because I didn’t want to have to worry every time I went to the grocery store or he stayed home from work if he would be online looking at those sites. I tried to forgive him but I couldn’t and seeing him do it over and over again is what gave me the trust issues I talk about in my first paragraph. 

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